Path of self discovery

So... last entry was on mental stretching and having a somewhat wider worldview and bigger picture intact. This one will be on the physical part: exercising, moving and doing.
Anything: walking, running, swimming, yoga, jogging, climbing, boxing, lifting... What do you do, what is your favorite? Do you do it separately or just combine it with your daily activities, like - walking your dog longer, maybe your work requires running or walking, constant moving? Is it your profession: sports or do you just go swimming in the local water place doesn't matter if it's cold or warm outside? What best results have you hit yet? What is it you want to achieve? I just love to move, if I don't move, it seems like I'm dying, the brain doesn't get enough oxygen, no endorphins, and the mood gets way too low. Do you overwork, or over-exercise often? How many lazy days do you have in a week? All this is so exciting :D
I love swimming BTW, what are your fav sports? Someone uses smart bracelets? 
Maybe you play competitive sports: football, baseball, rugby. Martial arts? In martial arts, I think it's an important tool for self-competence in a manner not to fight but knowing that you actually can do it: fight, means your tension in a bit, say, awkward situations might be lower or not exist. BTW, just a thought, but some guys are really good at verbalizing themselves out of trouble, that's good protection as well. Team sports also bring some communication into the place, which is always a healthy daily exercise as well + in the warmer season it might bring you out into the sun - important too. 

And shortly on diet: I am not exactly sure about younger people, since I ate drunk and used all sorts of sh***t, so is it interesting to them, I am not sure. Still.. the younger you start to build up the biological system we call the body, the longer and happier it will last. Again, in dieting I never met anyone, who has it sorted completely, diets that people I met used: vegan, vegetarian, keto, Mediterranean, fasting, intermediate fasting, raw food, fruitarian, raw vegan, water diet-detox days in intervals, tea diet-detox in intervals, gluten-free diet and I guess, that is it. Usually, people, who are more aware and conscious about, what they eat and how much, are counting calories a bit, eating less fatty and sugary food, and trying to exercise. There are many indicators of, what is ok and not so much on the labels of the products as well: red, yellow, and green coloring of fat, sugar, and salt in the product can tell you, what to pick best, especially knowing this limit for kcal/day for an adult - 2500. For some hours eating doesn't matter, for others eating in the evening is a slow torture sentence in fast-evolving obesity. Some mixed stuff: eating some particular diet, not exceeding a particular number of kcal/day, doing some fasting too. I think like in exercising there is anything adjusted to a person. Never mind that, if too strict, you can end up losing your healthy style constantly because natural ways of our psyche need freedom and constant restriction that can't vary, and having days off seems like a prison, I wouldn't suggest that. 
And a few words on addictive substances like nicotine, alcohol, and caffeine. Not long ago even doctors claimed that nicotine is healthy in small amounts (well not so long ago Sun was turning around Earth, so no surprises), so now it's still believed alcohol and especially caffeine is healthy in considerate portions too... Again, I'm not telling you to be perfect but if you use something, never judge anyone self-medicating on heroin, since the point is the same everywhere: if you can't calm down and stay uplifted without your "small sins", the other person can't too... although judging, in general, is a hard thing to handle. Stay healthy, stay clean, and let your energy brighten your and your friend's day. Whoop whoop!!! fella or a gal, whoop whoop :P

Reading, ok, let's do reading and exercises since I can't understand any mental stretching without some boxing bag or good swimming... It doesn't go this way, you need to move to rest up your brain and you need to exercise your brain to let your body levitate in its own galaxy or something...
Reading, again, I prefer paper books, it's so much easier to separate them + I simply like to detach from pc, phone, and anything, to have a cuppa with some green (decaf) tea or coffee (decaf, you guest right) and.... just disconnect from fast, racing, competing, eating itself up world... with wars, epidemics, protests, masks, prices, noises, mess... all of it. That is best for me, but anyway, other people prefer other stuff: audiobooks are the thing, you can also get into group book readings, and so on. You can write books :) and also there is an internet... This wonder of the world needs another to write about it.
So... Internet and streaming created this way of people without writing and reading simply streaming their knowledge and also following to get some kind of knowledge. I know, the classical, academic approach dismantles and belittles this way of sharing: giving-receiving knowledge, since it's messy, random, filled with actual bull***t and not many can disagree with those arguments... as they can't disagree that most new, fresh and intact information really is concentrated in the internet, not in books or newspapers. It's just so much faster than other ways of info streaming... that technically it's just impossible to get faster than this. So to belittle the importance of the internet is a completely wrong choice. So... I would like to mention podcasts and conferences, films, and all you can find in this reality of the internet which is actually not very real, it's virtual, yet, it creates actual reality so so strongly... already. 

And then home-schooling. what it is and why you need to know it :D home-schooling was one of the best options to escape from the world's madness when Covid just hit and it always is the most preferable option for escaping the mad education system that we have. Yes, there are better schools, alternative places, where teachers and their students are choosing objects to learn by voting and never need to ask permission to visit toilets and never need to sit for hours in one place while being children filled with high levels of energy... Where teachers and students are on one level, not in the higher-lower hierarchy. And then those places are few and very fresh and usually expensive or not stable enough to trust for a longer time. So.... home-schooling is where parents (or other guardians - grandparents, step-parents, and so on) can do their best to avoid pushing their children through the mince grater to make them into "another brick in the wall".  It needs some preparation, and some bravery but most of all it needs people, who are prepared for parenting and have some excess time to spend in a quality way with their children, in playing, resting, learning, and in other activities. That is most required - having recourses: a giant wish for your child to get the best out of learning and saved spare time to actually do learning together. And that's it basically. 
If you don't believe me, try to re-educate your own self without attending the academy world. There are plenty of famous, successful people, who never went there following their diplomas but rather following their life mission, not the carer but a call (not graduated or are drop-outs: Coco Chanel, George Orwell, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Claude Monet and more). What else?? dunno, maybe Billie Eilish's example of being home-schooled in their childhood and so on. It's not about staying uneducated, it's about staying with your passion rather than with your paper.

Well... Let's talk about guys and gals, who are capable to do three things at once and then doing nothing for hours or even a day :D since something else is happening in their body or unconsciousness, so they are incapable of even moving a lot then... But!! If their body is up for action is usually not only driving, going shopping in the 10min break, cooking, cleaning a flat, pumping their muscles, choosing music, and planning the future :D and only god knows, what else going on, fact is - a lot is going on at once. This being said I just want to illustrate it visually and then put a few words on how and why it is useful, what its flaws and how I manage this trait I have myself.
Pros: You can manage a lot of things by yourself and master being self-sustainable in your household and build up your life, so no one else is really needed... You see, the problem with getting together with someone isn't about them doing things, you can't manage to do, it's about being ok by yourself and meeting someone, who is ok by themselves too. In other way put: if you think someone will help you with your stuff, you will certainly meet someone, who will think you can handle some of their stuff and... well, calculate yourself, but it means you will never escape from working your a** out anyway even, if someone will do part of your duties.. unless you have an unrealistic thought that your new duties for your partner will be miraculously amazing and never boring to do :D Best luck with that... So I think, the best trait of being a multitasker is a promise to yourself and your close ones that you can handle it all by yourself: cleaning, shopping, food, car (or a bike or any transport), bills, body hygiene, washing, looks, health care, so on.
Cons: If you managing all by yourself, you know, how uneasy is to have something additional, how uneasy is to move to another flat, city, country... how difficult is to invite another person into your life and how hard is to comfort those, who are already in, and BTW their life changes too, so its a roller-coaster. You may be not focused, seem ignorant, forgot to check in with the world's news so on.
How I am managing it? I let myself do nothing if I just can't do anything that day... It's scary, strange, and uncomfortable but ok and somewhat shamanic. And I let me be 6 handed god thing :D who does everything at once, if I seem to have enough of energy and will for it that day... It's seriously messy, not accurate, and overwhelming but it's freakin magical too. I try to have my schedule intact (eating, sleeping, cleaning times) but not forget more major tasks and their space in my life (to call family, write a blog, plan journeys, check in with the world's news, therapy, car fix so on)
Yes, that is as simple as that, - just let it flow as a river and you'll be fine or somewhat alike fine :)

BTW some people are very big on meditating or praying or both. TBH I pray and I pray either because I have heavenly connection moments and I try to remind myself about the concept of gods and anything divine being metaphorically our parent figures, while we were babies, and having an ok connection with that brings us to appreciate life and accept it's gifts more easily... Also, I do that in moments of great struggle.. and accidents, it re-creates the same bond with the "divine" and saves us from the belief that we are incapable of withholding and pushing through hardship. Although I prefer talking mantras so much more, the mantra is the long lasting rhythmic repeating of some phrases or words that are important and effective to you. 
what about meditating. I hardly do it consciously as well but it happens to get me more grounded and centered, not to be blown by the wind in any direction. And mostly I do it "on a go", it happens, when I can't focus but need to... or simply before falling asleep or just before being awake... Those purely insightful, crossing conscious/unconscious line moments, where you know and get more than usual, no drugs needed, right? those moments are naturally hypnotic and visionary. And again... I prefer being in nature and just watching it so much more and simply getting grounded, reconnected, and refreshed by it.
If you have something to share about prayers and meditations, please, write in the comments, I would enjoy reading it :) Sharing is caring

This time I write a bit about how to organize your finances and also your time. Everyone heard that thing about money<=>time, time is money, money is time... So have you ever organized your own finances and time by yourself to become your own boss and not build up something for someone else's business? no? Why not try to do so now, right? Well, or at least to have that crazy thought in your head for a while about becoming a master of your finances and time... Clarity and the ability to actually see things, - numbers, figures, order, transparency before your eyes isn't so big of a task but really great benefit. It keeps you away from bigger anxiety issues, and you fear less... if you lose your count and completely drop off your schedule, you can go back to those, when the time is right again... and count again, right all on paper, when you want to see, how you actually are doing.
You can count your finances for months, can be for a week too. It can be an everyday schedule or you can divide it into working days and days off. Anyway you prefer, it's working, if you really think about it and live it. 
Another way to put this message through: it is not about doing it my way or anything but doing it in general, meaning - creating sheets about the most important areas in your lives about things that are essential for you also including things that are temporary as, say, to look at your progress in particular project or activity. The reason for doing it is this: you might evaluate things completely differently than the way they actually are and it's nobody's business to prove to you that you're wrong... You know guys, who can go for years in one and same place like stuck or circling. One of them knows, they go in stages (like a spiral) not circles (like 2D circles), others can't see that because all they know is to trust intuition... And to trust your guts (intuition) is awesome and needed, those are your natural instincts talking sense to you. But!! There is always this -but- :D I'm so sorry, so the life's "butt" is that intuition sometimes fails and only facts naked, cruel or not, just simple facts can lead you to a better solution than you used before and lead you out of your 2D circling problems... That's how so-called "blind spots" are crashed, of course!!! before crushing them, you have to notice them, they have to be revealed straight into your face and, when you start to see them, - that's already halfway done before getting free of them. So... please write those things: achievements, downfalls, spending, income, hours for work, hours to rest up, feelings you feel, places you want to go mentally, reminders, of who you are, doubts, insanities, confusion so on... please, write them.
Myself, I use office sheets for this but whatever is working for you, just keep on doing it :)

Ok and another area that needs to mention is exactly about mental/emotional development and building up the awareness of one's own self is journaling. Writing, recording audio, or even video - all possible formats are just as good. You can paint, you can dance, you can sculpt so on.. whatever works for you to get to actualize and understand, what is going on within you - that's the point of any form of journaling. To see yourself and to know you better, who you are, what you feel, what it looks like, and what you see around you. Believe me, you don't know most of the info you contain within... it's hard to know another person, so it's hard to know yourself too.... + think about what kind of capacity would you develop to understand another person, if you would really be well trained to do that for you. I think the benefits are enormous and still.... no one will get you as you can get yourself. ;) So all the best in the sexiest and most exciting journey you can ever find :) oh, and endless :D it can only end with yourself in the set, so even this crucial point is covered here.

P.s.: rereading and re-listening to your older journal entries is a super exercise too, you can also go to the public some of your creations and testimonies, this way you can get the opportunity to view them several times as well. 

I want to try to write about things we need to say to the people that we hurt. Often we even hurt others accidentally out of forgetfulness, inertia, arrogance, ignorance, wish to remain in our comfort zone, never experiencing pain or suffering, never changing our lives, and never even thinking to ask for forgiveness, or taking responsibility... Many reasons, and one outcome: hurt, tiredness, misunderstandings so on. So... I think until we can go and just live our lives further, letting those in power cut each-others throats f***ing finally, let's apologize to one another in a way that the other party would hear us out and understand our sorrow :) so they could find resources to forgive and open their heart to us again. To us and themselves.

That is why it is so important to know these languages as well. If you know love languages already a bit and can speak your love language just as well as you can get along with the language of your partner, in the same way, you can learn, what is your and your partner's language of apology. 
I am not sure if it is possible to reach those, who already have fallen into this enormously crazy way of chess games over the world as if these territories would mean business rather than people, their lives, and stories. I am not sure, if that can be forgiven or after how long time it would be possible... Still, the best attempt we could make first is to make a step and say SORRY. For whatever reason, it works not less powerfully than saying "I LOVE YOU" in a way another person could understand :D

As you can see this is languages of apologies by dr Gary Chapman, the same author as for love languages, so there can be many other ways of looking at things for sure but this one is still working and it shows. Although I am encouraging you to try different angles if you have time and energy for it. ALWAYS

Once again, these 5 languages are different and if you only apologize in your own language, your loved one or a close friend, or a parent, a child might not notice it, not pay attention, and still feel hurt by you and this is biggest misunderstanding just like when you express your love and your loved one just can not get you, your message, she or he doesn't even notice you... Same here. So I put another image with the same 5 ways to say sorry down below, it might give some more clarity on how they differ:

1. Saying "I am sorry" usually needs a list of, what was done wrong by you. Analytical one.
2. Accepting responsibility is a reminder that you are an adult and can handle yourself even after mistakes. Need a list, and especially hearing a person out, accepting their truth and feelings without any doubt and unsureness.
3. What can I do to make it right? - It's a cry to fix things, one by one, just to repay the hurt. This is more on actions, not words.
4. It is about changing self, and behavior and not repeating the same situation again. Active approach, aiming for a longer time, future.
5. Will you forgive me? - This one I see as the riskiest one since you completely give yourself to the person you hurt and they and not you will decide, whether you can or can not be forgiven. 

And one of the most important things in close relationships is, of course:

• the VULNERABILITY,
• talking about shame,
• without these we can't really have empathy for one another. 

The best, most entertaining, and really insightful speaker on these issues for me is Rene Brown :) and here you can experience the worth of her research and ability to engage with her audience :) 

(This YouTube video has options for subtitles in Lithuanian, Russian, German, and other languages ​​in the settings)

Ok, considering ​the latest events in the world (war in Ukraine) and still being in the search of my perfect lion image for FA attachment style, this entry will have bit another but related topic. We still need to go on even, if in lower amounts of the deal that we swore to keep caring for in this way we CERTAINLY will conquer this deadly ⚔️ horseman⚔️horsemen AGAIN and again and again✌️ 

The usually insecure relationship feels like a trap as if you would be tricked into some net you can't go out from... And you might blame one another for this or think of some theories, although it is simply known as an Anxious/Avoidant trap in attachment style theory.
This trap exists between avoidants (dismissive avoidants DA - tinman people and fearful avoidants FA - lion people) and anxious attachment style AA (scarecrow people). Avoidants have a tendency to close up and withdraw, ghost, block, and leave the bond asap, anxious attachments have a tendency to run after someone, convince and try to fight them back no matter what. As you can see in the picture below the trap activates, when there is a threat to survival, realistic or not, those triggers from before - from childhood are alive... 
So... because some people wanted to see some same-sex couples :D and we have here a possibility to play that scenario, let's take a Tinman (DA)🤖and a Scarecrow (AA)🎃for this instance. What would happen between these two is somewhat like going in waves of:
Honeymoon - Comfort zone & Stormy time - Danger zone in the diagram 

When the Tinman and a Scarecrow have a good, honey times all is ok and splendid, even most probably somewhat too good to be true and simply over the sky :P But then something might trigger one or the other they start a time of conflict. These two phases never end and repeat on and on, and it is exhausting and also addictive, so people might stay in it but will eventually be unhappy or they might end it sooner or later. Examples of conflict times trigger:

1. Number 1 SCENARIO: Tinman got promoted or was evaluated higher at their job and was all shiny and communicative and that triggered Scarecrow to think they will be abandoned because Tinman would want to find somebody better there or will focus on their new position and will forget their connection and detach, this means a threat of being left alone, abandoned.
2. Number 2 SCENARIO: Scarecrow finally finds their perfect adventure opportunity to explore and also get near their life goals through that as usual their adventure might involve some danger and challenges and this for the Tinman means that they will most probably be worrying and living in fear too much, will need to provide emotional support for their partner that will exceed their limits, will need to provide another thing while not catching up with their own life.

Result in SCENARIO 1: Scarecrow because of already appearing in the surviving state would try to create drama or push themselves in some dramatic scenario. They might take a step to do important but risky things that are scary to them, so they would have a "legal" reason to get emotional and demand attention: show their heart and that they don't feel ok... Tinman would definitely reject it, since he (or she) would not grasp, why their partner is acting so egoistic and isn't happy and scared about their success instead of being joyful and also catching up with them in their own ways and that would instantly close them down, meaning, the Tinman person would end the relationship in this scenario and withdraw or at least will set it on a pause. Scarecrow would become desperate because that's exactly, what they feared the most and they will try to get Tinman back simply because their relationship's trauma tells them so. Tinman would probably never see their Scarecrow as a peaceful, not violent human being anymore ever again... not like completely but it would already be a lifetime (very long time) issue.
Result in SCENARIO 2: Tinman because of fear and despair of seeing a very hard future would be acting very capricious and pushes unrealistic blame and demands on the Scarecrow in this way creates the image of a Scarecrow to help them to see, they are disappointed and seriously upset. Scarecrow on the other hand would feel they won't ever reach those demands and never understand the egoistic capriciousness of the Tinman and that would tell them they will be left, abandoned. If you can't satisfy your partner, they would just leave and find someone, who can, right? So Scarecrow most probably will find somebody instead first as an affair to find relief to not feel this threat anymore, since they weren't doing anything wrong to a Tinman and just wished their participation in his/her new adventure/excitement, so they would not understand this toxic, manipulative behavior of their Tinman partner. Tinman would see this all and will be convinced he will be damaged in unimaginable ways and will withdraw, block, just end it and never come back to it (because their relationship trauma looks exactly like this). Leaving a Scarecrow to be completely broken in their new adventure and wishing the Tinman to come back for the rest of their life... well, for long :) really long time.

You can see that kind of story in the short sci-fi movie ROBOT & SCARECROW 🎥, where is exactly shown, how people mistreated the robot and how the scarecrow is totally abandoned by them at the start and how it all ends up, no matter how both - scarecrow and the robot (aka tinman) are trying to be ok. Just another reminder to know that you can get your attachments with people to be more secure.
​
And that is the illustration of these scenarios with no comments 🕊️🕊️🕊️

Here I present mostly just a summary of one course I attended that was provided for co-dependent people. What I took from there is somewhat of the map of where I want to go in my life (or art of life, if that's your way of looking at it), what directions to hold... what daily tasks to do, how to manage emotional ok state, how to enable these things all in general and so on. Course is repeatedly provided by Richard Grannon and they are moving their website to new address or similar, so atm you can find him on YouTube or Telegram, if interested.
Ok, so why it is important to sort a know, what you're up in life and why?? - meaning, what directions - values, virtues in you are moving you towards creating your goals, wishes, visions, dreams, you life style? Well... because there are too many lost people... too many people that are worshiping someone just because they can't have their own selves built-up.. It's a mess, people envy, people blame, people get blinded by emotions... people get totally dead by rationalisation, you see that type of people think, if you're not acceptably ethical, you must be a thug by default... That's their value :D "behave or I'll put you in your place"... no vision, no direction, just pompastic, blown up ME - childish ego. Also there are plenty of virtue signalling - that is, when people laugh about virtues, portraying them as archaic something that no one ever can or should hold on to... Yeah, I get it, you're young, you don't care, you know all and that "all" is everything that's most trendy AT THIS DAY, like no history was made before and as, if no history will come after TODAY.. and there can't be much of the blame here, I think. It's just that inability to actually clarify your own, crystallized virtues and have some sort a system or matrix of it makes you signal them.... To follow a virtue makes anyone seem as more moral and good or smthing, it makes them to be clear, straight and disciplined and that on the outside seems like good and moral thing to be for others... therefor people, who can't or don't want to work out their own values, they signal them: here I support equality, here I support freedom of speech, here I support spider men, here I support logic. Whatever comes, where ever wind blows. And again even, if you have strong basis, you might seem just as populistic as I described now... why? Cause you don't really care much about virtue fashion, it changes but so does your own system, so why not to align a bit, right? Like, if you already know yours, why not to be curious about, what system of virtues is ongoing in today's world in general.... Don't get fooled: one person is blown by wind, since he/she doesn't have their own matrix, the other person rides wind of changes out of curiosity, since they have their own system... it's more of the fun to ride it :D it's not populistic, people pleasing stuff. Why not to gain some experience from outside world, being stuck isn't very refreshing, isn't it?... just like not having own roots isn't very fun ride at all, more of kamikaze - in action.
So how the virtue looks like? There are plenty ok, good lists of those online or in books, in our heads in our every day conversations too. You can find some here or here or here too, so on.
So these might be your directions in life, you can see, how your life decisions or everyday tasks and behaviour is really driven by these :D amazing discoveries, when you see it in action and actually recognise how it all is aligned in harmony. That's the way out of matrix you hate so much, that outside matrix that tells you about, what you need to do, why... what you can't do and why.. No, this is you, your own choices and realisations, your own way, own Your-self, not the self of the others they need you to be, so.. no one else controls you just as you can't control them, not really.
After finding directions you can build up some sort of areas that are important for you: relationships, carer, finances, leisure, physical health, mental health, hobbies, spiritual health, education, world views, so on. Then you can attach your main goals onto those main areas, that you are active in. Example: CAREER - I want to get my first job by my profession or I want to get better position at my job; RELATIONSHIPS - I want to go with my spouse to relationship council and/or on vacation trip; my goal in HEALTH is to reach my optimal weight or/and to build up biceps, so on. Something like this:

In the second image (2) you can also find some other aspects than directions - virtues, these aspects are about:
- How reaching each of these goals would make you feel,
- How your body sensations would be, when reaching your goals,
- What obstacles and personal blockages you need to overcome in mowing towards your goals.

You can also build another type of visualisation about how it would feel or sense after reaching them - goals (image 3). These tasks helps you to not only understand but feel, transfer you into that time, when you already reached your destination, and that creates greater motivation, proof of your attempts being realistic.

After building that greater picture and directions and all, you can start to turn back to your everyday. Then you can build up small tasks for each day to hit that would slowly but steady lead to your goals, and minimum tasks you allow your-self to be ok with (not to get scared, overwhelmed and then paralyzed by bigger stuff) :) An example:

And I'm not sure, but it might be enough for this time, I would go for more details and/or for emotional health maintaining exercise in another entry. These I mentioned above, were mostly about building up the big picture to hold on too and to refresh, when time comes or by a need. You don't have to put self into an "army forces" everyday, but sometimes that is exactly, what's best... Up to you; your style of maintaining your ways to go for your life, to chase it and to let it create your personality are the best choices to make, just as Your-self - is best choice you make in every second. Don't give up the path and go through the challenges you meet, world would be a boredom without these. :) Let's fcking build it - our lifes!! 🧱
kisses and all 💋
Ou.. maybe this video too about how to maaaaagically turn from the abusive situations, - so called drama (or Karpman) triangle, into empowerment situations: MAGIC IN ACTION 🪄🪄🪄

And this is how you look and think when your boundaries are intact and your preferences aren't shattered... :D almost like Frank Sinatra... just more open, another time - another fashion.

Hey, another week - another topic in the narcissistic kingdom. This time about, how narcs tend to behave in relationships, it's usually some repetitive cycle that goes on and on.
Today's terms: Narcissistic Hoovering and Grey Rock Method.
Definition by Psychology Today: "Narcissistic hoovering refers to attempts made by the narcissist to bring you back into their life – often after a period of distance on your part"
Definition by Medicine Net: "Hoovering is done by a “narcissistic person” when they think the victim or the person who they abuse or control is seeking to move away."
Synonym: sucking someone back into the relationship.
Definition by Medical News Today: "The grey rock method involves communicating in an uninteresting way when interacting with abusive or manipulative people." 
Definition by Healthline: "This strategy involves becoming the most boring and uninteresting person you can be when interacting with a manipulative person."
Synonym: non-responsive, boring, and virtually acts like a rock.

First, I would want to show that cycle that narcissistic people go on and on with anyone... It's never different and it's always repeating. I guess something similar to this cycle also exists in the usual couple's life but not as sharp and unbearable as in a narcissistic bond. Of course, it's worth mentioning that narcissistic people hardly hook up with people, who don't have narcissistic wounds in them... simply because neither narcs are interested in them (they don't shine so bright, they are just too boring to a narc) nor those people are interested in the narcissist, usually they seem too intimidating to those people, to shiny and extraordinary. Narcissists choose people or are chosen by people, who also lack self-esteem and self-love but they might have covert narcissism, well, not that grandiose, god alike exposure and dominance, rather the opposite - always anxious, unsure but deep down knowing they are the best and most sensitive people anyone can find, it's just that no one sees it and! no one can... since that is sort a secret to not reveal an another "secret" that is narcissistic wound: they lack basic capability to soothe themselves and be just ok as they are... They always - not enough, so overt (classic grandiose) narc seems as a perfect "another side of the apple" to them... Although overt narcs just play that "god's role" to cover the same wound covert narcs have: they never ever feel enough as they are in their mind, and heart. Here is quite an easy and clear text on narcissistic injury and healing. (stated statistics in this text about male narcissism being more widely spread than in women are a bit out of date, at the present, there are some sources, that the distribution is approaching 50/50 of the diagnosed cases between the sexes and also it's important to mention that people with healthy expressed narcissism may end up in a relationship with seriously narcissistic people).
Anyway, going back to that cycle you will get into if you have some narc wound from your upbringing looks like this: 

Yeah, that's how an actual Star Wars begin :D since everyone, who is narcissistically injured in their upbringing is obviously grandiose star or star that hesitates to be that grandiose but they still are that, just secretly hidden :D So, we can go back to our guys now black-sheep and scapegoat:

As you see, they met a Dart Veider innocently hoovering his room or, say, he wants MOST PROBABLY to hoover back that hard to get rock guy and... well... they have a talk about it. Sheep says this dude Dart Veider tries to hoover back will probably be ok, and it's true, if you are dealing with narcissistic people best ways to deal with them are: no contact or grey rock method.
Grey Rock method in my opinion is similar to no contact but it goes about no contact with your inner self, emotional world. No contact is you withdrawing whole of your-self, grey rock method - you withdrawing your inner, emotional world and remain in contact but more of as an radio: no emotions, plain answers, no initiation of a conversation, no further hooks for discussion, nothing, plain, cold, not emotional, boringly numb as a rock... And that's it.
Oh, right :D not to mention to mess it all up: narcissistically injured people very often like to play the biggest victims in the room and ghost people or appear in acting out the grey rock method with their prays just to convince everyone and them-selves that they are abused and no one else. Mostly it's about not letting go of all possible power and love, since that is everything that they didn't get in their childhood and will take and hold in all ways possible and known to them... Not because they don't want ok relationships with you, just because they don't know, how to do it, and first and biggest need to them is to remain and hold on to those things they never had rather than be ok with themselves as they are and then with you too.
Best wishes to understand, what's going on and leave people to heal their narcissistic wounds, since that isn't your duty to do it for them, it's theirs.
And to all of those, who have this kind of wound... Please, try a therapy or self-knowledge at least, don't be afraid to feel as you really feel about your-self and your life, go through it... and eventually you will find ways to regain ok self-love and a power given to all of us just the way we are, because we are the way we are. "EVERY PERSON IS BORN WITH A SEED OF GREATNESS", -  (Myles Munroe) + And you can't escape that .... unless you wish to run from your greatness or pretend you have way more of it than you do :) it's your choice.

​Blog posts are edited and some additional info put in over the time not to be very surprised about changes in texts while reviewing older posts.

Hello, today's topic is about the narcissistic way of socialising, so we could take a few terms to talk about. Today those terms are Word Salad, Kernel of Truth, also borderline disorder can be touched but it's the secondary focus for me here.
So then...
Definitions by Wikipedia for Word Salad: A word salad [...] is a "confused or unintelligible mixture of seemingly random words and phrases". [...] The words may or may not be grammatically correct, but are semantically confused to the point that the listener cannot extract any meaning from them.
Definitions by Oxford Languages for Word Salad: a confused or unintelligible mixture of seemingly random words and phrases.
Synonym: gibberish, incoherency.
Definition by APA Dictionary of Psychology for Kernel of Truth: the idea that stereotypes, despite being exaggerated generalizations about a group of diverse individuals, sometimes contain elements that accurately describe the qualities of the stereotyped group.Definition by Saylor Academy for Kernel of Truth: a stereotype is a generalized belief about the qualities or characteristics of a particular group of people.
Synonym: a fragment, a hint.
Also, borderline rage moments could be mentioned here but... that's another issue and I am not a big fan of pathologizing people's behaviour in any way, so maybe I pass on this.
To tell it straight and shortly for me Word Salad is when someone just has this.. sort of fluent and repetitive way of talking in a way that actually says nothing much. You can call it small talk, you can call it an extravert feature, you can call it an ice-breaker but sometimes it can be a narcissist's way to gaslight their conversation partner. Again, I guess, some people just copy that from their guardian's behaviour and that really can be just a part of their tools for communication. How would you know, if it's used for the wrong reasons? You can know if it doesn't change for a long time if the person can't lose it and turn the conversation another way, where it can start to have an actual meaning... And also, if your relationship with that word salad serving person never changes, if he/she remains the same, serving the same salad, never planning, never showing some more solid moves towards you. Especially in relationship building beginning or similar people might get nervous, anxious and unsure, so things might get messy but it shouldn't bring you into endless spirals of this verbal defensiveness out of nervousness, if you try to support and care and it's obvious or you are simply straight and telling, you are ok to build something together. this has to help that person to relax if he/she can't relax and start being more clear and also hearing you out and inviting you to join into dialogue... that might be an issue. It also might be a copy of a person's parents' or guardians' behaviour and if that person copied it very very early in their infanthood, it might stay with them. In this case, I just wish that someone would be ok with this type of expression, it's erratic, eccentric, and aimless. It's never personally against anyone, just some people are more eccentric, others - less, some like eccentric, some don't, seems fair enough. So here, I guess, I have best wishes to find you, eccentric someone, if you like that :D or ordinary someone, if that's "the wheels" that you prefer; also be aware, if you're into trouble with someone, who can't really control themselves and you will need to do that for them or they just need some continuous, repetitive signs of acceptance and reassurance of your presents. Even most nervous and anxious people simply calm down, if there is a guarantee they won't be dumped as another garbage piece out of somebody's life. You know it, everyone does. We just forget... life's busy, everyone runs and roses are left without smelling them. :/
Ok, on Kernel of Truth for me it's when a person hooks you up with some fragments or hints of something or someone and you start wondering, how it is for real... since it's often mixed with some dubious or foggy facts too. With Words Salad I tend to wait until the person starts to feel calm enough to reveal themselves, with Kernel of Truth I tend to wait too... since time can show off the real face of a person's interests and knowledge. Again this might occur at the start of knowing each other, a person might wish to understand, what they have similar to you, what are your opinions on some groups, where you stand your-self in social ways in politics, sexuality, finances, hobbies, activities, psychologically, so on. So often they might be really not clear, while they themselves are trying to understand, where you stand yourself :D and then plenty of misunderstandings appear... But steadily and slowly it clears out. Again, this defensiveness might come from someone, who has this toxicity against some groups of people and simply is prejudiced and wants to find either similar people or anyone to brainwash into prejudice... Best wishes to stay patient with a hint of wisdom and look closer at each one, you might evaluate as intolerant...

Ah yes, also it might come exactly from the family they grew up in, they might have been integrated prejudice against people like themselves. I talk a lot about these guys: Blacksheep and scapegoat being pushed and targeted constantly, but mainly... they got it in their childhood and mainly they don't like themselves so much not because they chose so, they don't like something about them but because that was basic rule no one could touch ever. It was about some particular features being even considered to be ever ok or even too gross to talk about it... So now deep down inside stayed the same - disliking, hating it in them, going to fight for those qualities to be accepted and failing again... It's not outside already, it's deep inside... And it's still learned, so this disliking and hating can be dismantled and changed :) BEST NEWS so far :D Since about some features I am black-sheep/scapegoat too but slowly learning to dismantle self-hatred and :) it feels amazing to do so. Best luck to all 🌐💮🤍💮 🌐

Pain au chocolat (from French) - one of the most famous chocolate pastry in France

Here are also some words' and stuff mixed for illustration from Youtube's crafts: Celebrities Go to a Fancy Restaurant  ಠ_ಠ