This is an absolutely unexpected blog's post for me as well. It will be about relationships and music... So. In the beginning, maybe I will share a recently discovered video from the Psych2Go channel, which describes the types of people who are unwilling to work on their polarities, which usually leads to unsuccessful relationships both for them and for those who try to establish it with such a person. Quite a simple idea, but well grouped and very clearly distinguished types, I found at least 4 for myself in me, and, probably, like most of you have noticed, our extremes in behavior are manifested only in more acute situations, when it is necessary to represent our personal boundaries or we encounter them in another person ... So, in my opinion, it is very important to remember that we all have those radicalisms and what they are and then somehow release, let them soften, as soon as you feel that the tension will make you cut everything or pour yourself or your partner, into various underserved knots, criticism, suddenly becoming a victim... or a completely righteous person, etc. Well, without talking too long, here is the video:
That's it... Now, let's move on to relationships and music topic :))) I was influenced to write this article by seeing comments in the LGBT+ friendly group I created... I have written so much about relationship styles, classified them, created memes, and all and I'm still highly interested, still am reading books, writing here again, and there it goes:... suddenly, without anyone asking, a person starts writing insights about attachment types in another person's request for help in the group, the other one suggested one book on this topic too. I had to realize that all my writings are not unnoticed and people are interested, even trying to adapt and communicate with others on these topics. Absolutely amazing :)) And thanks to everyone interested and adopting something for themselves in it. Well, after wiping away all the tears of joy :D .... let's go to ---> MUSIC. I have been related to it since childhood, my uncle (mother's brother) had a tape recorder and even a microphone when I was a child, so music played in our old house a lot :D and we also sang and danced, then after moving in with my parents later, not long after, a cassette tape recorder appeared and music kept pouring in again... both pop and rock, and everything else. I don't know how to play any instrument very well, I sing a little, but listening and living it is somehow necessary for me... just like the body begins to move involuntarily according to a favorite melody if I hear it somewhere. How is it related to relationships and attachment styles? Well, it has been observed that people's chosen melodies and lyrics can reveal their attachment style (can look up here). I will give one song example for each type of attachment here:
Sonny & Sher - I got you, babe. A very clearly positive and mutual song, both singers in the song are satisfied and hopeful about their relationship. There is no feeling of insecurity or distance. Comfort, cooperation, secure attachment.
TLC - No scrubs. Very clearly stated opinions, various preferences, and strong personal boundaries. The other person almost immediately sees that he will need to walk on eggshells constantly, and his wishes might be not necessarily even important, it is only important that he fulfills the given needs of the singer, otherwise, there will be no relationship. Searching for an ideal relationship and not finding it, closing in. A typical avoidant style in a relationship.
Abba - The winner takes it all. The person feels left out, cut off...someone else has won their partner again and broke up with them. Hope is there and you can feel it, you can feel a great longing and attachment and also it's like this loser person isn't able to change anything... everything is in the hands of 'the winner', even though the person is capable to love and wants a relationship very much. Typicalanxious attachment.
Halsey - Sorry. Well, just like in the video clip, it's clear that the relationship is like a war, but the person maybe wants that relationship, because somehow it's sad that the relationship is ending, and maybe not even necessarily wants it too... such confusion, like the disappointment of it FAILING AGAIN. There is such a mood as if it will never change and you will go around in circles where you want a relationship, but it will never work, maybe you will be fine without a relationship, but it will still "happen" to you. Disorganized attachment.
And finally, since I've created it for my own learning through the melodies and lyrics already, I invite you to listen to this secure attachment-style playlist on Spotify too:
The offer of melodies is taken from several articles and lists found on the Internet, I haven't tried to find my own melodies yet, but maybe in time I will get them, if I'll be up to it (I would want more rock or hip-hop, so it might happen, I guess). As for now, there are quite a few songs on the list, so I don't think I'll be bored very quickly.
This is my little gift to music lovers and Ψ-fans.
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Until the next entry!
This is my blog about self-knowledge, self-work, emotional healing, growth, psychology, philosophy in general and other related themes.