Ok, considering the latest events in the world (war in Ukraine) and still being in the search of my perfect lion image for FA attachment style, this entry will have bit another but related topic. We still need to go on even, if in lower amounts of the deal that we swore to keep caring for in this way we CERTAINLY will conquer this deadly ⚔️ horseman⚔️horsemen AGAIN and again and again✌️
The usually insecure relationship feels like a trap as if you would be tricked into some net you can't go out from... And you might blame one another for this or think of some theories, although it is simply known as an Anxious/Avoidant trap in attachment style theory.
This trap exists between avoidants (dismissive avoidants DA - tinman people and fearful avoidants FA - lion people) and anxious attachment style AA (scarecrow people). Avoidants have a tendency to close up and withdraw, ghost, block, and leave the bond asap, anxious attachments have a tendency to run after someone, convince and try to fight them back no matter what. As you can see in the picture below the trap activates, when there is a threat to survival, realistic or not, those triggers from before - from childhood are alive...
So... because some people wanted to see some same-sex couples :D and we have here a possibility to play that scenario, let's take a Tinman (DA)🤖and a Scarecrow (AA)🎃for this instance. What would happen between these two is somewhat like going in waves of:
Honeymoon - Comfort zone & Stormy time - Danger zone in the diagram
When the Tinman and a Scarecrow have a good, honey times all is ok and splendid, even most probably somewhat too good to be true and simply over the sky :P But then something might trigger one or the other they start a time of conflict. These two phases never end and repeat on and on, and it is exhausting and also addictive, so people might stay in it but will eventually be unhappy or they might end it sooner or later. Examples of conflict times trigger:
Result in SCENARIO 2: Tinman because of fear and despair of seeing a very hard future would be acting very capricious and pushes unrealistic blame and demands on the Scarecrow in this way creates the image of a Scarecrow to help them to see, they are disappointed and seriously upset. Scarecrow on the other hand would feel they won't ever reach those demands and never understand the egoistic capriciousness of the Tinman and that would tell them they will be left, abandoned. If you can't satisfy your partner, they would just leave and find someone, who can, right? So Scarecrow most probably will find somebody instead first as an affair to find relief to not feel this threat anymore, since they weren't doing anything wrong to a Tinman and just wished their participation in his/her new adventure/excitement, so they would not understand this toxic, manipulative behavior of their Tinman partner. Tinman would see this all and will be convinced he will be damaged in unimaginable ways and will withdraw, block, just end it and never come back to it (because their relationship trauma looks exactly like this). Leaving a Scarecrow to be completely broken in their new adventure and wishing the Tinman to come back for the rest of their life... well, for long :) really long time.
You can see that kind of story in the short sci-fi movie ROBOT & SCARECROW 🎥, where is exactly shown, how people mistreated the robot and how the scarecrow is totally abandoned by them at the start and how it all ends up, no matter how both - scarecrow and the robot (aka tinman) are trying to be ok. Just another reminder to know that you can get your attachments with people to be more secure.
And that is the illustration of these scenarios with no comments 🕊️🕊️🕊️
This is my blog about self-knowledge, self-work, emotional healing, growth, psychology, philosophy in general and other related themes.