Norm doesn't exist. There are over 7,000,000,000 of us and no one knows, what the norm is, anymore. We are led more by virtue and not the norm unless we choose otherwise. Of course, norms can help us to understand a particular group of people but that's it. If you leave a particular group, you will find another group with another norm and you will need to understand those norms, to learn them, if you want to understand that group, and so on. We can choose groups and their maintaining norms only if we can afford to understand, learn and live them. And even then we can take only those, which are closer to our virtues or most probably even our own norms, that we have learned from a very young age – childhood, and teenage. Those norms can be: the cultural norms of the country, we were born in; norms that are held in the family, we were born in; the time – age, we were born in, and so on. Moral virtues are universal and the principle of moral virtue is very simple – follow the objective truth, yet no one can afford to be led by them purely. One reason for it can be the fact, that we hold so many objectively truthful facts and concepts, that as well as with the norms, we just can't do a simple jigsaw anymore. I mean, jigsaw where one piece goes in its own place and it can't be correctly put in any other place. This is different, we can put this one piece in a few places and they all would be correct, just as this piece itself can be changed by the small differences we make on it. And that all will be just as truthful and objective as other variants. Also, the tribal nature of humans is a fact. It is sad, it really is, that we all follow a tribe, even, if the tribe is wrong in big and destructive ways, we all follow and believe in it. And this happens because:
1) we are raised in this way – unconditional believing in some „usual“ way or/and
2) we consciously or unconsciously understand, what can happen if we would really see for ourselves the facts and not mass beliefs, and norms.
It is hard to understand this all, but, what I am trying to say is, that the „way we used to do, think, believe, talk“ is a norm…. But not necessarily the truth, or even, if it is a truth, it is not the truth that we need at this time, since it doesn't work well no more and something else is needed, or this is the metaphor of the truth underneath it and we need to understand the whole thing first of all before running into conclusions. So…. Every norm must be examined and checked, until you will have your own conclusion, which obviously sometimes will fit in with the mass beliefs around you, sometimes not. It is a hard way to live and be… It is hard because, it is the hardest thing to oppose the tribe, oppose your friends, lose your friends, and be not liked by your flat-mates, and people at work. Or ignored or belittled… not trusted, not respected, or just seen as weak, confused, unstable, messy, without peace of mind, insane, not capable to manage your life, loner, alien, pushed off.. ostracised, forgotten, unwelcome, ugly, freak, creep, obscene, nonexistent, unheard, dead, non-lifer, laughable so on. So, if you are at the stage, where you start to examine those norms (norms as „the way we used to see because the other way is evil and we know it because blah blah blah “)… And you understand you can be pushed off of your usual tribe, it can seem hard, painful, it can seem like losing your ground and for a while being in completely weightless air… with nothing to grasp on. Eventually, if you follow the virtue and not the norm, you will win. If not sudden, so with time. But this period of change is challenging and demands strength and patience.
So once again – back to the way of virtue. Moral virtues are universal, still, no one can afford to be led by the 100% because they choose to do that, they are not forced to do that. This must be known!! And this must be observed and shown, not covered with denial, lies, threatening! We are all supposed to go through the healing of our young age traumas and we all do mistakes but this can't be an excuse to stop or not to start even. And again, if we agree to understand and at some level follow the norms of the group, we choose to affiliate ourselves with, (country, club, website, forum, team, family so on) it's because we have our needs. We suppose to have food, shelter, money, electricity, the ability to travel and socialize, family, friends, and so on; that is a choice we make our everyday. We do it all until we can stop for a change we need, and it is totally OK and normal for any human organism to take time before bigger change to be reassured, you will survive and cover your at least basic needs to go on. All things, especially bigger things need time and yeah, it's pretty messy to understand and predict the right timing for every change you need, as we all, also whole nature is not so strict in its order rather than organic and hardly clearly understandable but more felt intuitively. But of course, in the end, one thing is clear: the more we are close to our virtue, the more happiness and peace we gain...
This is my blog about self-knowledge, self-work, emotional healing, growth, psychology, philosophy in general and other related themes.