Path of self discovery

Well... Let's talk about guys and gals, who are capable to do three things at once and then doing nothing for hours or even a day :D since something else is happening in their body or unconsciousness, so they are incapable of even moving a lot then... But!! If their body is up for action is usually not only driving, going shopping in the 10min break, cooking, cleaning a flat, pumping their muscles, choosing music, and planning the future :D and only god knows, what else going on, fact is - a lot is going on at once. This being said I just want to illustrate it visually and then put a few words on how and why it is useful, what its flaws and how I manage this trait I have myself.
Pros: You can manage a lot of things by yourself and master being self-sustainable in your household and build up your life, so no one else is really needed... You see, the problem with getting together with someone isn't about them doing things, you can't manage to do, it's about being ok by yourself and meeting someone, who is ok by themselves too. In other way put: if you think someone will help you with your stuff, you will certainly meet someone, who will think you can handle some of their stuff and... well, calculate yourself, but it means you will never escape from working your a** out anyway even, if someone will do part of your duties.. unless you have an unrealistic thought that your new duties for your partner will be miraculously amazing and never boring to do :D Best luck with that... So I think, the best trait of being a multitasker is a promise to yourself and your close ones that you can handle it all by yourself: cleaning, shopping, food, car (or a bike or any transport), bills, body hygiene, washing, looks, health care, so on.
Cons: If you managing all by yourself, you know, how uneasy is to have something additional, how uneasy is to move to another flat, city, country... how difficult is to invite another person into your life and how hard is to comfort those, who are already in, and BTW their life changes too, so its a roller-coaster. You may be not focused, seem ignorant, forgot to check in with the world's news so on.
How I am managing it? I let myself do nothing if I just can't do anything that day... It's scary, strange, and uncomfortable but ok and somewhat shamanic. And I let me be 6 handed god thing :D who does everything at once, if I seem to have enough of energy and will for it that day... It's seriously messy, not accurate, and overwhelming but it's freakin magical too. I try to have my schedule intact (eating, sleeping, cleaning times) but not forget more major tasks and their space in my life (to call family, write a blog, plan journeys, check in with the world's news, therapy, car fix so on)
Yes, that is as simple as that, - just let it flow as a river and you'll be fine or somewhat alike fine :)

BTW some people are very big on meditating or praying or both. TBH I pray and I pray either because I have heavenly connection moments and I try to remind myself about the concept of gods and anything divine being metaphorically our parent figures, while we were babies, and having an ok connection with that brings us to appreciate life and accept it's gifts more easily... Also, I do that in moments of great struggle.. and accidents, it re-creates the same bond with the "divine" and saves us from the belief that we are incapable of withholding and pushing through hardship. Although I prefer talking mantras so much more, the mantra is the long lasting rhythmic repeating of some phrases or words that are important and effective to you. 
what about meditating. I hardly do it consciously as well but it happens to get me more grounded and centered, not to be blown by the wind in any direction. And mostly I do it "on a go", it happens, when I can't focus but need to... or simply before falling asleep or just before being awake... Those purely insightful, crossing conscious/unconscious line moments, where you know and get more than usual, no drugs needed, right? those moments are naturally hypnotic and visionary. And again... I prefer being in nature and just watching it so much more and simply getting grounded, reconnected, and refreshed by it.
If you have something to share about prayers and meditations, please, write in the comments, I would enjoy reading it :) Sharing is caring

This time I write a bit about how to organize your finances and also your time. Everyone heard that thing about money<=>time, time is money, money is time... So have you ever organized your own finances and time by yourself to become your own boss and not build up something for someone else's business? no? Why not try to do so now, right? Well, or at least to have that crazy thought in your head for a while about becoming a master of your finances and time... Clarity and the ability to actually see things, - numbers, figures, order, transparency before your eyes isn't so big of a task but really great benefit. It keeps you away from bigger anxiety issues, and you fear less... if you lose your count and completely drop off your schedule, you can go back to those, when the time is right again... and count again, right all on paper, when you want to see, how you actually are doing.
You can count your finances for months, can be for a week too. It can be an everyday schedule or you can divide it into working days and days off. Anyway you prefer, it's working, if you really think about it and live it. 
Another way to put this message through: it is not about doing it my way or anything but doing it in general, meaning - creating sheets about the most important areas in your lives about things that are essential for you also including things that are temporary as, say, to look at your progress in particular project or activity. The reason for doing it is this: you might evaluate things completely differently than the way they actually are and it's nobody's business to prove to you that you're wrong... You know guys, who can go for years in one and same place like stuck or circling. One of them knows, they go in stages (like a spiral) not circles (like 2D circles), others can't see that because all they know is to trust intuition... And to trust your guts (intuition) is awesome and needed, those are your natural instincts talking sense to you. But!! There is always this -but- :D I'm so sorry, so the life's "butt" is that intuition sometimes fails and only facts naked, cruel or not, just simple facts can lead you to a better solution than you used before and lead you out of your 2D circling problems... That's how so-called "blind spots" are crashed, of course!!! before crushing them, you have to notice them, they have to be revealed straight into your face and, when you start to see them, - that's already halfway done before getting free of them. So... please write those things: achievements, downfalls, spending, income, hours for work, hours to rest up, feelings you feel, places you want to go mentally, reminders, of who you are, doubts, insanities, confusion so on... please, write them.
Myself, I use office sheets for this but whatever is working for you, just keep on doing it :)

Ok and another area that needs to mention is exactly about mental/emotional development and building up the awareness of one's own self is journaling. Writing, recording audio, or even video - all possible formats are just as good. You can paint, you can dance, you can sculpt so on.. whatever works for you to get to actualize and understand, what is going on within you - that's the point of any form of journaling. To see yourself and to know you better, who you are, what you feel, what it looks like, and what you see around you. Believe me, you don't know most of the info you contain within... it's hard to know another person, so it's hard to know yourself too.... + think about what kind of capacity would you develop to understand another person, if you would really be well trained to do that for you. I think the benefits are enormous and still.... no one will get you as you can get yourself. ;) So all the best in the sexiest and most exciting journey you can ever find :) oh, and endless :D it can only end with yourself in the set, so even this crucial point is covered here.

P.s.: rereading and re-listening to your older journal entries is a super exercise too, you can also go to the public some of your creations and testimonies, this way you can get the opportunity to view them several times as well. 

I want to try to write about things we need to say to the people that we hurt. Often we even hurt others accidentally out of forgetfulness, inertia, arrogance, ignorance, wish to remain in our comfort zone, never experiencing pain or suffering, never changing our lives, and never even thinking to ask for forgiveness, or taking responsibility... Many reasons, and one outcome: hurt, tiredness, misunderstandings so on. So... I think until we can go and just live our lives further, letting those in power cut each-others throats f***ing finally, let's apologize to one another in a way that the other party would hear us out and understand our sorrow :) so they could find resources to forgive and open their heart to us again. To us and themselves.

That is why it is so important to know these languages as well. If you know love languages already a bit and can speak your love language just as well as you can get along with the language of your partner, in the same way, you can learn, what is your and your partner's language of apology. 
I am not sure if it is possible to reach those, who already have fallen into this enormously crazy way of chess games over the world as if these territories would mean business rather than people, their lives, and stories. I am not sure, if that can be forgiven or after how long time it would be possible... Still, the best attempt we could make first is to make a step and say SORRY. For whatever reason, it works not less powerfully than saying "I LOVE YOU" in a way another person could understand :D

As you can see this is languages of apologies by dr Gary Chapman, the same author as for love languages, so there can be many other ways of looking at things for sure but this one is still working and it shows. Although I am encouraging you to try different angles if you have time and energy for it. ALWAYS

Once again, these 5 languages are different and if you only apologize in your own language, your loved one or a close friend, or a parent, a child might not notice it, not pay attention, and still feel hurt by you and this is biggest misunderstanding just like when you express your love and your loved one just can not get you, your message, she or he doesn't even notice you... Same here. So I put another image with the same 5 ways to say sorry down below, it might give some more clarity on how they differ:

1. Saying "I am sorry" usually needs a list of, what was done wrong by you. Analytical one.
2. Accepting responsibility is a reminder that you are an adult and can handle yourself even after mistakes. Need a list, and especially hearing a person out, accepting their truth and feelings without any doubt and unsureness.
3. What can I do to make it right? - It's a cry to fix things, one by one, just to repay the hurt. This is more on actions, not words.
4. It is about changing self, and behavior and not repeating the same situation again. Active approach, aiming for a longer time, future.
5. Will you forgive me? - This one I see as the riskiest one since you completely give yourself to the person you hurt and they and not you will decide, whether you can or can not be forgiven. 

And one of the most important things in close relationships is, of course:

• the VULNERABILITY,
• talking about shame,
• without these we can't really have empathy for one another. 

The best, most entertaining, and really insightful speaker on these issues for me is Rene Brown :) and here you can experience the worth of her research and ability to engage with her audience :) 

(This YouTube video has options for subtitles in Lithuanian, Russian, German, and other languages ​​in the settings)