Why people can fear to admit, they're transgender. Long- and short-term prospects. (II part)
What obstacles might be for a person to admit that he/she is transgender:
1) The most important obstacle is a person's/child's identity, which is being hit from a very early age, starting just after birth. However, according to studies, the child begins to understand their body a little later, from 7-9 months (one of the possible articles as a source - Ages and Stages), and see themselves as a separate individual (as well as understand their own sexuality) from 2- 3 years. If you look at transgender people's stories, usually they mention similar - 2-4 years of age, when they clearly realised that something is wrong and what gender they have in their own understanding and feelings.
In a world, I find increasing stories when the child's voice starts to be taken very seriously at an early age, if not 3 years ago, then later on. While the kid is continuously suffering pushed stereotypes (body sex necessarily has to conform with the mind gender), parents finally begin to doubt their righteousness and eventually are accepting the child's knowledge of the truth. It pleases me, not many parents are both conscious and educated to seriously pay attention to their little ones. Of course, there are only a few parents who took it really easy and quickly. I think there are working both mechanisms: societal immaturity plus parents' traumas that were never healed and those prevent them to realise that the child owes nothing to them, and they have assumed full responsibility to give absolutely everything possible to their child.
It I soften said that parents fear for a transgender child as if he lived in a very large surrounding dissent ... And it is true, the public is not ready, but! The public is not ready for large numbers of things that a child can learn in a safe and secure home: think independently, understand that his emotional world is unique and undisputed, learn to choose, enhance his own self, learn empathy, learn to play and play and play, to understand personal boundaries, learn non-aggressive communication and so on, not to mention taking responsibility, philosophy, healthy diet, the same evaluation of both gender, and similar ideas/constructs. Society will condemn such a child - growing human, but at the same time, he/she will be stronger than outside obstacles because such a child will be strong within, more resistant on his/her own and he/she will have strong backing at home. How do you think: if a child, transgender or not, does not have support at home, and even, if the school is somewhat better for him, will he be able to withstand bullying and violence? Will he be an easy target for bullies: other aggressive children and adults? Often we do not have support and understanding at home as we grow and we search for it in the outside world, but since we didn't have a good example, so we choose similar types of people as in our household, and we pay for it.
But if going back to the idea of transgender man: such a person usually, according to current statistics suffers from natural identity rejection and breakage from a very young age, and because of the need to be protected and loved, he/she must learn to avoid the show, talk and otherwise express themselves, their true selves. This person must learn to dress and act by opposite gender stereotypes attributed to people. Such a person is very often punished for what he/she simply is, if they say it openly or suggest it in other ways: not wishing to wear particular clothes, play particular games, interact with certain people in certain ways, and loads of everything else. They are penalized for being themselves and awarded for the absence of it. Over time, this mechanism becomes more complex, the child begins to understand that this will not change, and he begins to live in his own world, behave more aggressively, and begins to be closed in other ways to resist environmental injustice and try to keep his true self. When you are small and can not survive alone, and others are repressing you for being yourself in many ways, it creates a very high extra load and suffering. Undoubtedly frequently misunderstood transgender children may have a set of problems in school, among peers, and so on. However, what I would like to say and emphasize to all those, who have grown and known their identity, is that you were/are heroes that weathered everything as you grew, and you are still here alive :) This is really incredible.
Another thing I would like to mention is that from my own experience and observations of other people, I can say that the self-defense mechanisms can get so strong that you can learn to vary and manage your mind/feelings and everything else in a way that would help you to push out conscious understanding, sense of own identity. Or maybe to hide it, I do not know for sure, it's like trying to avoid it, to assume that this is sort of a bad thing; maybe not the worst thing that can happen, but a seriously major bad thing. Low, scurvy, just bad, false, incorrect, etc., you may feel that you will die if you will be yourself. Even if you already have accepted, who you are, this doesn't mean you will not have those thoughts, that you are evil just because, you are, who you are. All this is merely an echo of the voices that were assuring you of this thought for a long time. But now it's different, now you are an adult and can tell those voices to go to hell or not pay attention to them. No one is born bad, that's a fact.
Another short note: that kind of parenting (refusing to take your child realistically) causes fragmentation of the personality for him. You have to play that you are someone, someone else, some role, some fragment of your mind that is less significant and strong in you. I.E.: all men can play women, and behave feminine, just as women can play men. But in this situation, you are forced to live in this state constantly: forced to be an actor for life while living your life as well - solving various real-life problems as everyone else around. So: 1) you must always remain not being you, yourself, 2) have an additional burden on an ongoing basis. You can't possibly avoid psychological problems in this state.
More about the mind gender construct in the next texts.
This is my blog about self-knowledge, self-work, emotional healing, growth, psychology, philosophy in general and other related themes.