Path of self discovery

 I decided to write about how you can heal for real, when you have got psychiatric diagnosis.


First of all I would like to mention that my work doesn't rely on any of such diagnosis, and I see no need to see them seriously. If someone of you were researching the topic, diagnose are issued according to the symptoms and that means: no one will investigate your brain changes and classify these "diseases" in physiological and neurological nature. The seriousness and the necessity of reading and sorting out someone's symptoms for me is more like reading the palm or the stars. I understand, maybe it sounds very rough and careless, as if seeing human problems as not important or relevant, but I'm targeting more the prominence and bloating of psychiatry it-self, it's severity, reality of the diagnose and so on.
So, while going back to discussion on the diagnosis, I do not consider them more real than the fortune-telling. However, sad as it may be, in many cases, it's even tragic, according to this method of sorting out people's problems doctors are prescribing some drugs that have a major impact on the human body, and, of course, on the brain. Changes are strong and long lasting enough, it is very difficult to stop these medications, because most of them causes the addiction to them and so on. Historically, these drugs do not have serious confirmation for their effectiveness; the chemical imbalance in the brain was only one of the theories, which was quickly caught by pharmaceutical companies, while currently this theory is often no longer appreciated in the scientific world (e.g.: here) but it is still very vital within the public still and it distorts reality. There are set of public stories, how some pharmaceutical companies provide unrealistic data on the efficacy and side effects of medicines, in addition to that for long time in the history mentally unwell people weren't provided with any medication, but just bled while with the refreshing blood they would feel some ease about their state and etc. If someone of you took those drugs and red it's leaflets, some side effects can be found on the list, really appalling things: such as anti-psychotic drugs can lead to stroke and coma, etc., of course, it's a very small statistical percentage. Perhaps it's not so important to pay so much attention into it, when such drugs actually greatly improves the quality of life, but there are plenty stories of the same patients, people, who are taking these drugs and telling that their condition deteriorated from medication, there are people who before medicines consumption did not have suicidal thoughts, and then the following episodes (schematic summary of the possible antidepressant effects - here). It is also a fact that these drugs are very often sold on the black market as hallucinogens or any kind of materials used for cocktail parties. It says something, we probably do not want to know, even though there is plenty info on it, at least in online readings. Due to the fact that many of these drugs, especially stronger, are addictive, it becomes very difficult to stop and reduce their consumption. Like any addictive substance, these drugs work the same way: the more you consume, the more and more diverse need you have, to get the same effect (no doubt this is true for many, but not all people). In some more advanced countries there are groups created with some professionals and people, who want to stop the use. With mutual assistance among them-selves and some help from the professionals, people succeed to stop the usage in the long run (here - work of the support group). There are also a lot of statistics, which often is tried to hide from the public (for financial reasons), that in countries where patients are not treated with these medications, recovery percentage is significantly higher (such as India, in this film you can find information about it - film)
So, summing up: after a very subjective diagnosis people are issued drugs that severely affects activity of the brain and often exaggerates the problem into worse; moreover you become like a chemically "preserved" in your critical state, instead of leading out it. So, in my eyes, psychiatric treatment is certainly not comparable to the common medical treatment and it's based on the chemical imbalance again, that will be (most probably) never measured for you... and this is the most recognised treatment and according of it's explanations, patients supposedly probably will never heal, that medicines are being prescribed not to heal the causes of the disease, but only the symptoms. So logical assumption here appears: the actual cure is independent from such treatment, - either you get well or not and the results is more likely negative, because then the medication should be not very strong, so that the body could cope with the scourge without extra (chemical) load. It is also widely recognised that the reason of such a suffering is not actually known and it's still believed widely that it is a genetically inherited, although those genes are not found as well. What I want to say with this text is, that psychiatry doesn't actually know much about these diseases and their treatment, However, it is probably the most effective way to get rid of such a kind human and his/her problems and have client for a pharmacy and psychiatry industry for the rest of his/her life. Well in other words, instead of real assistance, a person is converted into a vegetable and all can finally relax about it. That kind a healing it is.
Are there other options when you feel psychologically unwell and life becomes disordered, and it is difficult to cope with all the necessary responsibilities? From the twenty-first century a treatment is known, that is called healing through a conversation or psychotherapy. True is that in the beginning this method was used more on patients affected with the hypnosis. Students of a father-initiator (Jean-Martin Charcot): Pierre Zane, Sigmund Freud and others picked up this method, developed it and didn't use hypnosis to that extent no more. Freud achieved the most in this area while working with hysterical and distressed patients (who often were women), he began to understand that the most common reason for patients with a serious condition was severe, inhuman experiences in their childhood, brutal physical and sexual exploitation, which usually occurred in their families. Of course, as it's already known at these times, people who might have to do with small children are usually not strangers but close relatives: fathers, mothers, uncles, aunts, grandparents, brothers, sisters, cousins. Some of Freud's patients were from more known families and so on. With further understanding of nature of mental distractions Freud obviously realized that he is kicking the very basic family concept, tradition, integrity and it was not only new knowledge but not acceptable at all at that time (and at this time as well, of course). Later, while fleeing from the professional condemnation, he created the famous Oedipus complex and similar theories that were both strange and bizarre and just perfect to divert attention and to convince the audience in its reality. Thus, psychotherapy just stuck in time even more and was distorted into some sort of sexual fantasies of the kids and in this way they themselves have become guilty of inhumane treatment upon them. Everything came back to „normal" track again. Of course, psychotherapy it-self wasn't forgotten. There are various branches of it known currently, among which you can find so called primal therapy, which focuses on a young age incurred traumas, you can find cognitive therapy, IFS (Inner family system) method, which works through the discussions with certain parts of humans psyche to restore the previously held events to allow yourself feel and say, what you couldn't say back then, also there are programs, which allow you to be both: child-self and adult-real-time-self and in this way to transmit messages (to yourself), that you wouldn't knew otherwise or simply it would psychologically pushed away or forgotten, if it already has become a regular habit. That's for brief historical outline. (The material was taken from Judith Lewis Herman's book „Trauma and healing" 7-33 p.).
So how is current situation with a the treatment of mental illness, is there any healthier alternative to the usual methods of psychiatry? A former psychotherapist American Daniel Mackler has created several films on healing psyche themes. The focus is on healing of psychosis, as is popularly believed that this is the most difficult form of mental illness. Often people who are psychotic often receive the diagnosis of schizophrenia, which probably scares everyone. Films have a multitude of sources and examples how psychosis is treatable without using drugs or this usage is very limited at the very beginning, when it is necessary to calm the body down until the point when a person can eat and sleep, just to rest up so that it would be possible to hold a conversation. As the author tells in other videos, he doesn't avoid to take some sleeping pills in a long air-plane in a long journey etc. So as it appears in the normal psychiatry complete healing is considered more as a possible coincidence, as in the psychotherapy professionals are not hostile to the use the drugs, but they just don't hold usage of the drugs as the only possible tool to improve patient's life. (Lithuanian movies with subtitles can be found here - filmai).
So, how this psychotherapy actually goes on(counselling, couching)? People gather in the room or at the computer screens in a video call and they chat then, and that's that, nothing more happens. There are no additional meetings, referrals to classes, prescriptions of drugs, medical diagnoses, sending to other doctors, nothing, just a chat over and over and over. Of course, we can say that that kind a conversations we have every day with many various people, especially with friends, life partners, children, relatives. So what is different? In communication between the therapist and the client there are several aspects that can not be compromised to maintain effective treatment: the therapist can't have his/her own needs in the sessions, the therapist must keep being ally to a customer in any case, even if it would manifest it-self in maintaining healthy personal boundaries, when the customer requires to ignore them, and so on. In this way it is different from the relationship with partners and friends. It also differs from the parent/child relationship, although it is closest to this one. The customer is no longer a child, and therefore he/she must pay for the other adult's ability to temporarily give up their needs to create a full client-oriented environment in spite of client's behaviour. Client must offer something for creating this kind an environment, usually there is some amount of money agreed. So, it is the client's commitment: to provide payment for consultations and to attend them in agreed time, otherwise fee for the session will be taken as another way to stimulate the responsibility for their own actions as well as to stimulate to calculate accidental loss that happens. Since this relationship is similar to the caregiver/child relationship, the therapist's role and influence is very high. Thanks to safe environment and unconditional trust client finally can be fully open to someone, it does not matter whether you are 18 to 85, this experience can't come too late, but it is brilliant, if it comes at all. People are not used to relax and say what they might be hiding even from them-self, and unfortunately, parents usually don't provide this opportunity for their children as well. So the customer can open up, discuss their problems, he finally can be him-self. The customer can gradually regain confidence, to begin strengthening him-self and so on. In this relation opinions can differ, discussions and arguments can appear, but it can't get out of the healthy personality boundaries, which are required to maintain by the therapist for all times as a model for client. If the client's threatens to injure the therapist, then the therapy can be interrupted. Everything else should be acceptable, even if totally intrusive or scary or strange. Thus, a client pays for this service: supportive, confidential environment that enables to open his/her psychological wounds and gradually allow him/her to heal and to find ways how to do it in best way. Therefore, this kind a relationship becomes equally rewarded. About how this relationship is different from other relationships between people in greater detail can be found here.
So... there is possibility for choice. I discussed 1 of them, which can help more and it helped me personally the most. People also prefer more physical alternatives: diet, exercises, meditation, different beliefs. People who are more fortunate, and they themselves can find ways to learn how to self-heal, and to find like-minded, with whom it is possible to effectively understand their problems and with time to solve them, they of course could choose that way; although sometimes those people also can try more professional support just out of curiosity. If it is effective, why not? If it is effective to use prescribed psychiatric drugs, why not? If you feel that drugs are more likely to be a run-away and hiding from the actual problems, then you could try described healing method. The message that I wanted to point here, is that the diagnosis is not forever. O if to put it in other way, like I recently heard in the TV series "Sense 8" is that, if you have a problem, there are two options: either live with it or fix it. Here I state one of the possible options for it. If you appeared interested in it, here are my contacts - my contacts
That's that folks, and I wish you to find your own unique way to heal your heart/mind. 

Films about healing with psychotherapy, without or with less medications
Films
Videos made in theme about psichiatric medication by Daniel Mackler on youtube:
About medication

Video series by Stefan Molyneux about roots of most common mental problems among adult people:
Bomb in the brain 
​

​And some fun stuff on it.

What obstacles might be for a person to admit that he/she is transgender:
1) The most important obstacle is person's/child's identity, that is being hit from very early age, starting just after the birth. However, according to studies the child begins to understand his body a little later, from 7-9 months (one of the possible article as a source - Ages and Stages) and see themselves as a separate individual (as well as understand their own sexuality) from 2- 3 years. If you look at transgender people stories, usually they mention similar - 2-4 years age, when they clearly realised that something is wrong and what gender they have in their own understanding and feelings.
In a world I find increasing stories, when the child's voice starts to be taken very seriously at the early age, if not at 3 years age, then later on. While the kid is continuously suffering pushed stereotypes (body sex necessarily have to conform with the mind gender), parents finally begin to doubt their righteousness and eventually are accepting child's knowledge of the truth. It pleases, not many parents are both conscious and educated to seriously pay attention to the little ones. Of course, there are only a few of the parents who took it really easy and quickly. I think here are working both mechanisms: societal immaturity plus parents' traumas that were never healed and those prevent them to realise that the child owe nothing to them, and they have assumed full responsibility to give absolutely everything possible to their child.
It i soften said that parents fear for transgender child, as if he lived in a very large surrounding dissent ... And it is truth, the public is not ready, but! Public is not ready for large numbers of things that a child can learn in safe and secure home: think independently, to understand that his emotional world is unique and undisputed, learn to choose, to enhance his own self, learn empathy, learn to play and play and play, to understand personal boundaries, learn non-aggressive communication and so on, not to mention taking responsibility, philosophy, healthy diet, the same evaluation of both gender, and similar ideas/constructs. Society will condemn such a child - growing human, but at the same time he/she will be stronger than outside obstacles because such a child will be a strong within, more resistant on his/her own and he/she will have a strong backing at home. How do you think: if a child, transgender or not, does not have support at home, and even, if in the school is somewhat better for him, will he be able to withstand bullying and violence? Will he be an easy target for bullies: other aggressive children and adults? Often we do not have support and understanding at home as we grow and we search for it in the outside world, but since we didn't have a good example, so we choose similar types of people as in our household, and we pay for it. 
But if going back to the idea of transgender man: such a person usually, according to current statistics suffers from natural identity rejection and breakage from the very young age and because of the need to be protected and loved, he/she must learn to avoid the show, talk and otherwise express them-selves, their true selves. This person must learn to dress and act by opposite gender stereotypes attributed to people. Such a person is very often punished for what he/she simply is, if they say it openly or suggest it in other ways: not wishing to wear particular clothes, to play particular games, interact with certain people in certain ways and loads of everything else. They are penalised for being them-selves and awarded for the absence of it. Over time, this mechanism becomes more complex, the child begins to understand that this will not change, he begins to live in his own world, to behave more aggressively and begins to be closed in other ways in order to resist against environmental injustice and try to keep his true-self. When you are small and can not survive alone, and others are repressing you for being your-self in many ways, it creates very high extra load and suffering. Undoubtedly frequently misunderstood transgender child may have a set of problems in school, among peers, and so on. However, what I would like to say and to emphasise to all those, who have grown and known their identity, that you were/are heroes that weathered everything as you grew, and you are still here alive :) This is really incredible.
Another thing I would like to mention, that from my own experience and observations of other people, I can say that the self-defence mechanisms can get so strong that you can learn to vary and manage your mind/feelings and everything else in a way that would help you to push out conscious understanding, sense of own identity. Or maybe to hide it, I do not know for sure, it's like trying to avoid it, to assume that this is sort of bad thing; maybe not the worst thing that can happen, but seriously major bad thing. Low, scurvy, just bad, false, incorrect, etc., you may feel that you will die, if you will be yourself. Even if you already have accepted, who you are, this doesn't mean you will not have those thoughts, that you are evil just because, you are, who you are. All this is merely an echo of the voices that were assuring you of these thought for a long time. But now it's different, now you are an adult and can tell those voices to go to hell or not pay attention to it. No one is born bad, that's a fact.
Another short note: that kind of parenting (refusing to take your child realistically) causes fragmentation of the personality for him. You have to play that you are someone, someone else, some roll, some fragment of your mind that is less significant and strong in you. I.E.: all men can play women, behave feminine, just as women  can play men. But in this situation you are forced to live in this state constantly: forced to be an actor for live while living your life as well - solving various real life problems as everyone else around. So: 1) you must always remain not being you, your-self, 2) have an additional burden on an ongoing basis. You can't possibly avoid psychological problems in this state.
​More about the mind gender construct in the next texts.

The sense of healing is either in resisting and/or exciting ways to afford to find the most comfortable decisions in your life. I write about the healing process in general and in details in many other texts. But if we talk about picked topic, sense of a healing - finding the most convenient solutions for life, it may seem strange, when I say this while being trans-gender. How convenient it can be to accept an understanding that you - trans? In a short-term perspective, it is absolutely inconvenient: you lose your usual identity, must resist older deep rooted beliefs and self-protection mechanisms and additionally some phenomenon is brought to the surface - some kind of interpersonal war in medicine called "dysphoria"; also it is completely inconvenient caused by understanding, how you were traumatised simply because of ignorance and violence of the surroundings. This is a painful experience and it's really not convenient. Often while being transgender, we hear from people: is it not easier just to be lesbian/gay? And well, it is just as easier as not to brush your teeth daily: saves time and money and energy. Easier. So, where is that comfort I mention, if you accept your-self? It's in the long run:
 You choose to be who you are the most. Just as it is convenient to be an artist, if you have a stronger innate/acquired creative ability. Even, if at the same time you have a tendency to, say, to solve logical jigsaw puzzles, when you find them appealing to you. Point is, that creativity in your work is determining more than half of your tasks: you are looking for new solutions, quite quickly finding them, then you trace that the issue was already found by other people, you analyse their solutions and their underlying concepts and you can vary and look for alternatives even here. Also you can not sit still though even a week without playing, sculpturing, drawing, dancing and so on. And you like logic puzzles as well but only, when they are made in certain specificity, you can safely leave them unresolved for a longer period of time, can pick up another jigsaw puzzle, while left not finished first one, in one word: you are not so much concerned about it, and it requires greater effort and longer time, certain mood and work conditions to become productive. So ... Of course, it can happen, that you will take a logic demanding job, but it does not mean that creativity feature will turn weaker than ability for logical judgement. In the long run you may regret missed opportunities to work with your strongest feature. Reasons to refuse to reveal our strongest sides can be different: it might have been more convenient to pick up a logical job simply by chance or due to the fear that you will have to reveal your real strength, so you choose option, which had less capacity and so on. Eventually, after all you will have disappointment that feels like a partial fulfilment.
So why is not easier and more convenient to be lesbian/gay, but to recognise that you are transgender and continue to go this way? Because ... in the long run you will be disappointed with your-own life on this issue, consciously or subconsciously. It may be that you will be effectively accepted by others, you will have intense sex life and relationships, you will have excellent romantic partner or you will be accepted publicly, climbing up your career ladder, but you would feel frustrated and know that something is wrong ... Maybe this will occur as so called depression, maybe as some other psychological/physical illness or addictions, or disabilities to be able to achieve your desired career, maybe loneliness, perhaps poverty - endless set of options. People who can not unbutton their too tight jackets and get rid of it, often involuntarily take more and more stringent forms of self-repression, so that the far too small jacket would still seem as fit. And it seems, why would it be necessary for someone to torture them-selves so much? In my eyes, there are several obstacles that affect person's inability to reach the turn/shift in their minds. (Will be continuing in the next text.)

Norm doesn't exist. There are over 7,000,000,000 of us and no-one knows, what norm is, any more. We are led more by virtue and not norm, unless we choose otherwise. Of course norms can help us to understand particular group of people but that's it. If you leave a particular group, you will find another group with another norms and you will need to understand those norms, to learn them, if you want to understand that group, and so on. We can choose groups and their maintaining norms only, if we can afford to understand, learn and live them. And even then we can take only those, which are closer to our virtues or most probably even our own norms, that we have learned from very young age – childhood, teenage. Those norms can be: cultural norms of a country, we were born in; norms that are held in family, we were born in; time – age, we were born in and so on. Moral virtues are universal and the principle of moral virtue is very simple – follow the objective truth, yet no one can afford to be led by them purely. One reason of it can be the fact, that we hold so many objectively truthful facts and concepts, that as well as with the norms, we just can't do a simple jigsaw any more. I mean, jigsaw where one piece goes in it's own place and it can't be correctly put in any other place. This is different, we can put this one piece in few places and they all would be correct, just as this piece it-self can be changed by the small differences we making on it. And that all will be just as truthful and objective as other variants. Also, tribal nature of human is a fact. It is sad, it really is, that we all follow a tribe, even, if tribe is wrong in a big and destructive ways, we all follow and believe in it. And this happens because:
1) we are raised in this way – unconditional believing in some „usual“ way or/and
2) we consciously or unconsciously understand, what can happen, if we would really see for our-selves for the facts and not mass believes, norms.
It is hard to understand this all, but, what I am trying to say is, that the „way we used to do, think, believe, talk“ is a norm…. But not necessary the truth, or even, if it is a truth, it is not the truth that we need at this time, since it doesn't work good no more and something else is needed, or this is the metaphor of the truth underneath it and we need to understand whole thing first of all before running into conclusions. So…. Every norm must be examined and checked, until you will have your own conclusion, which obviously sometimes will fit in to mass believes around you, sometimes not. It is a hard way to live and be… It is hard because, it is hardest thing to oppose the tribe, oppose your friends, loose your friends, be not liked by your flat-mates, people at work. Or ignored or belittled… not trusted, not respected, or just be seen as weak, confused, unstable, messy, without peace in mind, insane, not capable to manage your life, loner, alien, pushed off.. ostracised, forgotten, unwelcome, ugly, freak, creep, obscene, non existent, unheard, dead, non-lifer, laughable so on. So, if you are at the stage, where you start to examine those norms (norms as  „the way we used to see, because the other way is evil and we know it because blahblahblah“)… And you understand you can be pushed off of your usual tribe, it can seem hard, painful, it can seem as loosing your ground and for a while being in completely weightless air… with nothing to grasp on. Eventually, if you follow the virtue and not the norm, you will win. If not sudden, so with a time. But this period of change is challenging and demands strength and patience.
So once again – back to way of virtue. Moral virtues are universal, still no one can afford to be led by them 100% because they choose to do that, they are not forced to do that. This must be known!! And this must be observed and showed, not covered with denial, lies, threatening! We all suppose to go through the healing of our young age traumas and we all do mistakes but this can't be an excuse to stop or not to start even. And again that, if we agree to understand and at some level to follow norms of the group, we choose to affiliate ourselves with, (country, club, website, forum, team, family so on) it's because we have our needs. We suppose to have food, a shelter, money, electricity, ability to travel and socialisation, family, friends and so on; that is a choice we make for our everyday. We do it all until we are able to step for a change we need, and it is totally OK and normal for any human organism to take a time before bigger change to be reassured, you will survive and cover your at least basic needs to go on. All things, especially bigger things need time and yeah, it's pretty messy to understand and predict right timing for every change you need, as we all, also whole nature is not so strict in it's order rather than organic and hardly clearly understandable but more felt intuitively. But off course at the end one thing is clear: the more we are close to our virtue, the more happiness and peace we gain...