The epic Power Struggle stage in relationships

It is often said about relationships:
- the worst is to be alone and in bad relationships with yourself, it might be fatal...
- the less evil is to be in a bad relationship with someone. it's a hard time and place to be.
- good to be alone and in a good relationship with yourself though. That is actually a cool loner place :) and plenty of good times with some waves of strong longing for someone. 
- and the best is a good union with someone... That's where we all long to appear, some of us are lucky enough to be there already :) deep, sincere, simple, and safe time and place.
So... how to appear on the number one stand and does it come easy? I just name all of the stages of the relational journey we all have to go through first of all (source):

1. Dating
2. Honeymoon
3. Power struggle
4. Stability
5. Commitment
6. Bliss

Quite a lot of people usually get 3 first stages and then it's over, the crucial part for many is exactly the 3rd one - Power struggle. 
I think this image illustrates it accurately (source)⬇️

Some people can't even enter the Power struggle stage fully, not to mention successfully going through it. It's where our masks and fancy dress-up fall off, it's where we after being convinced of mutual love/like start to be more open and show our less attractive or healthy side... It's the stage, where you might have thoughts like:
"I was betrayed", lied to", "I never signed up for this", "This is a completely different person than the one that I met", "I was duped, bamboozled", "What a mess, unacceptable", "It's not meant for me".
Ooor or it can be thoughts similar to:
"Oh god, it's visible who I really am now, I will melt down and just disappear, silently", "Oh no, no one can realize that about me, I just will find someone else quickly not to experience this shame and pain", "This isn't me and this isn't love, I need another one", "No one will love and like me now... I was better off alone, what was I thinking, I'm not good enough", "I'm so flawed, almost defected, broken... Jesus... I need so much more time to prepare for this, I can't do this, I give up", "It can't be happening to me AGAIN, I'm leaving this so it will not get into the ugly as before", "NEVER AGAIN, what on earth I can't understand in these 2 words: never again... now I have to face this, I just... I won't". 
You know these? If you're still a bachelor or simply can't decide after 20+ attempts, I am sure, you know some of these thoughts. Yes, there are polyamorous or asexual people, sure, but the rest of us... So many struggle to appear as their real selves and accept the real selves of their loved ones too. We can't stop pleasing or being pleased.​

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There are a few important mentions for those who are willing to take a chance and do it right though.
- Stay open and try to hear and accept the needs and boundaries of your loved one. It might take a while, just keep going, that is enough.
- Stay sincere and state your needs and boundaries
And: 
- Never silence you or a loved one, that will 100% lead to disaster
- Learn about your needs and boundaries if you need to and stay loyal to them. 
- If you feel/sense your needs/boundaries:

• aren't really yours but just repeated needs/boundaries that were pushed on you by someone, or
  
• aren't healthy, adequate, realistic
  

then, please, try to work on them.
- If you see/know your expression of needs/boundaries isn't healthy, for example:

• explosive: shouting, verbal abuse, psychological hurt, infidelity, etc.
  
• shutting down: ghosting, emotional stonewall, toxicity, manipulation, etc.

then you have to deal with that until you learn healthier ways. Not your partner but you. It's worth it, you got this!
And that's it, mainly.

The image below can illustrate/remind you how to manage your focus during the power struggle stage:

And for a final encouraging word:

1. My friend, you're going to the Bliss stage, so cheer up a bit :)) Good goal awaits
2. This Power struggle stage is the most life-changing of all 6, it's epic and the struggle is as amazing as a story about it after. We all know it and we gonna make it!

​
Personal Development School has an enormous amount of great material to learn from, and Thais Gibson is a great leader who did needed work with her own self and now it's a community of many doing the same thing :)

I hope you enjoyed this piece of info and will get on your own path to good relational health 
You can find out more about attachments in my blog beginning here
🥊