Norm doesn't exist. There are over 7,000,000,000 of us and no-one knows, what norm is, any more. We are led more by virtue and not norm, unless we choose otherwise. Of course norms can help us to understand particular group of people but that's it. If you leave a particular group, you will find another group with another norms and you will need to understand those norms, to learn them, if you want to understand that group, and so on. We can choose groups and their maintaining norms only, if we can afford to understand, learn and live them. And even then we can take only those, which are closer to our virtues or most probably even our own norms, that we have learned from very young age – childhood, teenage. Those norms can be: cultural norms of a country, we were born in; norms that are held in family, we were born in; time – age, we were born in and so on. Moral virtues are universal and the principle of moral virtue is very simple – follow the objective truth, yet no one can afford to be led by them purely. One reason of it can be the fact, that we hold so many objectively truthful facts and concepts, that as well as with the norms, we just can't do a simple jigsaw any more. I mean, jigsaw where one piece goes in it's own place and it can't be correctly put in any other place. This is different, we can put this one piece in few places and they all would be correct, just as this piece it-self can be changed by the small differences we making on it. And that all will be just as truthful and objective as other variants. Also, tribal nature of human is a fact. It is sad, it really is, that we all follow a tribe, even, if tribe is wrong in a big and destructive ways, we all follow and believe in it. And this happens because:
1) we are raised in this way – unconditional believing in some „usual“ way or/and
2) we consciously or unconsciously understand, what can happen, if we would really see for our-selves for the facts and not mass believes, norms.
It is hard to understand this all, but, what I am trying to say is, that the „way we used to do, think, believe, talk“ is a norm…. But not necessary the truth, or even, if it is a truth, it is not the truth that we need at this time, since it doesn't work good no more and something else is needed, or this is the metaphor of the truth underneath it and we need to understand whole thing first of all before running into conclusions. So…. Every norm must be examined and checked, until you will have your own conclusion, which obviously sometimes will fit in to mass believes around you, sometimes not. It is a hard way to live and be… It is hard because, it is hardest thing to oppose the tribe, oppose your friends, loose your friends, be not liked by your flat-mates, people at work. Or ignored or belittled… not trusted, not respected, or just be seen as weak, confused, unstable, messy, without peace in mind, insane, not capable to manage your life, loner, alien, pushed off.. ostracised, forgotten, unwelcome, ugly, freak, creep, obscene, non existent, unheard, dead, non-lifer, laughable so on. So, if you are at the stage, where you start to examine those norms (norms as „the way we used to see, because the other way is evil and we know it because blahblahblah“)… And you understand you can be pushed off of your usual tribe, it can seem hard, painful, it can seem as loosing your ground and for a while being in completely weightless air… with nothing to grasp on. Eventually, if you follow the virtue and not the norm, you will win. If not sudden, so with a time. But this period of change is challenging and demands strength and patience.
So once again – back to way of virtue. Moral virtues are universal, still no one can afford to be led by them 100% because they choose to do that, they are not forced to do that. This must be known!! And this must be observed and showed, not covered with denial, lies, threatening! We all suppose to go through the healing of our young age traumas and we all do mistakes but this can't be an excuse to stop or not to start even. And again that, if we agree to understand and at some level to follow norms of the group, we choose to affiliate ourselves with, (country, club, website, forum, team, family so on) it's because we have our needs. We suppose to have food, a shelter, money, electricity, ability to travel and socialisation, family, friends and so on; that is a choice we make for our everyday. We do it all until we are able to step for a change we need, and it is totally OK and normal for any human organism to take a time before bigger change to be reassured, you will survive and cover your at least basic needs to go on. All things, especially bigger things need time and yeah, it's pretty messy to understand and predict right timing for every change you need, as we all, also whole nature is not so strict in it's order rather than organic and hardly clearly understandable but more felt intuitively. But off course at the end one thing is clear: the more we are close to our virtue, the more happiness and peace we gain...
This is my blog about self-knowledge, self-work, emotional healing, growth, psychology, philosophy in general and other related themes.