Let's Talk about You and Me, Let's Talk about Love, Baby

So.... after finishing adventures of black sheep and a scapegoat (or at least it's some shorter or longer time pause for now)... I want to talk about boundaries. Previously in the first (after a few year pause) spontaneous blog entry about relationships I wrote on needs and preferences in bonding, everyone could have their preferences verbalized just to be more clear, about what they are looking for and what would be surely a way to a good connection. So now... I have a strong need to go for boundaries... This is somewhat, maybe an opposite thing but mostly is about the same... Needs are about, what you want and boundaries are about, what you don't want. Because some things, if they are crossed, people can be hurt in ways that are either not repairable or it would take a super long time and super heavy efforts, so sometimes it's just better to let go... And most of all it is also better to be aware, you have those boundaries and even more better 🙌 - to verbalize them. Just my opinion but I think these things could ease so much of the burden and misunderstandings that relationships bare within... They evoke our bond with our parents: every tiny traumatic experience will let you know, how fcked up you and your wounds are... not to mention, that your partner/friend will have that precious opening and hurt all the way too... so you can't turn somewhere much, this all is your to care and to heal and to verbalize it. So.... less fog (even, if it's pink and rosy :D) and confusion - at the start, the better outcome - in the longer run. That's the recipe I try to write down here, take it or not - up to you.
Here are my own rough, raw put boundaries... I'm fully aware we all meet wonderful people and it's no end to it until we are alive. Still... if the connection with my partner is real and mature enough, meeting walking wonders ✨ can make some temporary soul wondering, maybe even body rush but... it's never serious or not serious enough and eventually, it becomes something else: a lesson, a friendship, a working project, a joy of meeting someone great. And personally, I wouldn't accept breaking these below, or at least not 3-4 times in a row without any signs of change:

• no sex, intimate kissing with others, hugs, hi-goodbye kisses, and stuff like that – ok. Belonging, togetherness.
• no serious relationships with others while leaving me cut off and alone, you can fall in love, you can want to be attached to someone, and it’s ok, everything finds their places with time. Loyalty and trust.
• no male best friend, I am bff, anyone another is second bf and all… you can spend some time together, and work on some projects too. Helping hand and shoulder to lean on.
• no disappearing for months without texting me back, I need connection and reassurance. It can be a day or maybe a week, max two weeks, not more. We could agree on time out, well on when it can be verbalized, since disconnecting sometimes comes naturally and randomly. Let’s be a company and understanding.
• no heavy drugs usage (including psychiatric ones): goes to alcoholism, heavy smoking, 5+ cups of coffee/day, constantly being high on Marry Jane, other stuff that isn't for exploring or repeated journeys (like ayahuasca or mushrooms with proper supervision) or some repeated, rare rituals (some people need to get dead drunk once a year with the same person until the level of passing out) but for just maintaining “being normal”. You’re normal, it can be that drugs messing with your brain help u to be that. Physical health issues and meds are ok with me. Let's be sobriety and uplifting.
• no disability you can't control by yourself (and your circle). I can’t be a nurse or a doctor, it has to be already your own routine and I can be part of it with time, of course, but not that I must be some professional first and lover – next. No one is perfect, I rather will know it before committing. Let’s be a support and a base.
• toxicity in excessive amounts. I need you to deal with your own shit by yourself and other people in your life first, and only then can I step in too. I have my shit, and people are handling it as well, it's no fun and it's every day’s work, so we can help one another but we HAVE to be able to do it on our own too. There is some oasis there… let’s keep our memories of all there and bump one another into those ways, not the other ways. Comfort and ease.
• manipulation in excessive amounts. Again…. This world’s fuckery, a tremendous amount of rules that are overwhelmingly stupid and sick… you need to be able to push it away and hold your ground on your own. It’s heavy and crazy and… sad and.. mad.. and.. you need to have your ways to navigate in this madness and brutality and jungle. And find ways to smile :D and watch the sun on your own. And then we can meet up for it.. and help to remind one another that it isn't only bad and dark around :) clarity and peace.

There are also love, acceptance, respect, and empathy... these must be (in every bond actually, can't imagine anything without). I'm still learning them... It is hard art.. patience and courage help, maybe. I'm not sure but let's find out on the way :)

And this is how you look and think when your boundaries are intact and your preferences aren't shattered... :D almost like Frank Sinatra... just more open, another time - another fashion.

I would also recommend very very very much this channel on YouTube: Psych2Go - super easy understandable content, cutest ever drawings - like sprouted plants 🌱, important topics (love, life, and s**t), many videos to choose from... mmm... one of my favorites next to the morning cup or on a short break.

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🎩<-push the hat, yes, any hat->👒

                                        Even this hat?? ------> Aye!

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