About becoming, changing

I thought initially that this post would be repetitive about the grey rock method... and aimed straight toward people, who can't deal with simple and plain "no"... this is a serious issue because it causes loads and loads of problems and unnecessary drama if not worse than that. People ignore you, provoke you, accuse you... threaten you, suspect you... It's such a pathetic circus where whenever you turn you see a clown dealing with you as if you would be them... It's overwhelming... Nowhere to look so often, so often. But... I turned back to the person that I am... Since the old truth says that if everyone around seems to be a broken mirror, it must be it reflect yourself.
So....
How to become someone, you dreamed of for so long and now you can't.. at least seemingly you can't and the only reason for it is pure fear and anxiety for novelty.
There are several examples in the animal kingdom of metamorphosis when animals change their being into completely different shapes such as some insects like butterflies, dragonflies, bees, ants and so many others. Or some crabs :) reptiles also change their skin completely, although they remain in their initial shape. This isn't so new... We - people, have our becoming too and lose our old selves in the mystical past that we still can access mentally, and emotionally while remembering it. And certainly, we don't do it once in life... There are at least a few times we do that and never look back eventually :) or we do look back but later on and with some newly gained smile and peace in the heart. If people can experience hell or heaven while they live this life, they also can reincarnate from one another... You don't have to die for that to happen to each of us :)

And just as animals we require additional measures of safety and security to complete such a metamorphosis... It takes time, an enormous amount of energy, and other resources just for that... and it usually goes without much help but rather much danger from outside. We are vulnerable, and we don't behave or seem like ourselves often... this confuses and makes others question our sanity or morals or whatever else too. Our usual social circle might not recognize us much... and it might be temporary or for long, depending on the situation. It isn't only a gain to dare to become, it's a loss as well... and after all new you mean a new world from within... when this process occurs it breaks you from within, and you often don't recognize either you or your view of your surroundings... You see your new eyes, you hear your new inner voice... they are so fragile and soft yet... or unusually sharp and therefore scary... and this novelty is still hiding and running from the signs of especially bit insecure people... Your heart doesn't know its compass very well yet... people drag it to love them, if they lack love... to respect them, if they lack that too. They accuse you of it while pretending to be virtuous themselves... as if they never changed or simply did it so long ago that this thing you do... seems like an insult of chosen stagnation compared to stability... You also recognize beauty and purity in people and fall for that... so often... with a wish to hold on to that... and incapability to stop in your process... It's so f***ing sad... my friend, so sad.
And you know your old self will be slaughtered for you or by you... And you know, what kind of pain this is, pain and suffering... you know some stuff, and stuff you can not know yet frightens you even more.. just as all people experience turbulent anxiety towards novelty... Even if it's freeing... 
And that's why it is hard...
Why is it essential? Because you may keep being stuck and happy... never lose stuff, never gain new you... but if you want to reach your dream... Your old self must die several times before you become someone who can ACTUALLY make your dreams come true, realistically, eventually, in an unstoppable and inevitable way. So... happiness is overrated... I am in the time and place of my life, where purpose and meaning are everything... and peace and happiness will come a bit later... Breathe in, close your eyes, let go, and jump towards your aim... as many times as it is required to make it. or... it's ok to die trying. 

There is always some time after reaching your dreams... to create a new dream. That it isn't an argument that "I won't have anything to reach after" :) funny but not an argument. 
Neither "you" nor "they" will be ever perfect... although we all are ideal still. somehow. Chill, go, rest,  repeat, and enjoy ​