Well, the fourth one remains from all the four factors from the block for relationships that I created:
Mmm... This is perhaps the most unconscious and least changeable group... IQ can also be assigned here, which is quite easy to measure and it hardly changes, and if it changes, it only decreases with age or when you find yourself in an environment that requires a lower IQ... You can assign EQ here too, and without it, IQ is like a good broom (or an ax) without a handle, although you can't measure the EQ, it can be improved to infinity. This factor can also include things of taste, height, musculature... eye color, accent, gait, and a whole bunch of other things. Of course, it should be mentioned here that there are many types of intelligence and you can test yourself and get to know what type you have as well :)
I think this group is basically something that either causes the so-called "chemistry" between people and you feel an attraction to someone, not necessarily only physical, there are different types, well, or you don't feel it... If you don't feel it, you don't really have the desire and motivation somehow to get involved much. I probably support the theory that people often get "hooked" on some similar traits that their guardians/parents have in others, and it doesn't really matter if those traits are very healthy and acceptable in general, here is a separate topic, but it might determine the attraction. It can be built, tone of voice, mannerisms, the energy of a person, etc. Maybe this is where the idea and feeling of "love at first sight" came from. Personally, I have never felt it so suddenly, but there were definitely cases where ~a week was enough, and everything was not necessarily perfect.. just even what was annoying in the person I met, apparently reminded me of something, so my interest only grew, even if I frowned a little :D or went into minor tension with colleagues at work at the same time due to some kind of tension growing in the body or something like that.
What people usually pay attention to a part of the body, is probably how reliable, safe - self-sustained, how well they can communicate, whether they look neat or feel self-confident, are easy to deal with, whether they get along with the environment, have adequacy, self-control, humor. Later, you can already notice what they like, how energetic they are, what their taste in music is, if it is important, what they do in life, and so on. Most people do these things involuntarily when they get to know each other - observe, evaluate, initiate, and participate; maybe everyone is a little different... Depending on what is important to whom.
I would suggest here to make a very simple wish, preference list, a landmark so that you can orient yourself as much as possible, and not just go headless into all and regret it later. Also, make a list of your boundaries, deal breakers: what you wouldn't bare and what boundaries if crossed will most likely push you away from the person. Exchange these lists (ideally if both sides made their lists) so that the other person knows how to navigate when they are with you. It's like a traffic light for relationships 🚦🚦🚦
I would like people to understand that all the work put into relationships is not here to make them almost impossible - relationships themselves, because no one will really do that much, and if they do work on them, it's probably on their own terms and ways. It's really worth trying to build a relationship, no matter how blindly because that's the only way to learn it in general, but what I don't want and I'd really like to discourage is creating families "for the sake of children" that "accidentally" appeared while trying to establish a relationship.. well, because undressing is the simplest task in bonding... this is not the same as to read some articles when all you have to do is get some buzz and tell a good joke. Families like this are dysfunctional and toxic, from which traumatized people grow up and create the future of all of us... For such a couple is difficult to manage to get to know each other and they can hardly understand each other so fast, then later they usually don't even like each other, well, or just get used to not liking each other while staying in a bond or break up... The number of single parents with children is like a major pandemic in the world... and children in these families have to endure all "the relationship", even though no one asked them if it was acceptable to them, it's just that their parents were not ready for neither the relationship nor the children, so a lot of the burden is put on the children, who neither can nor should bear that burden. Well, at least let's use protective measures if the beginning of relationship attempts is quite crazy and overwhelming.
Well, I very seriously suggest making a list of values and goals, because more often than not, these are the determining factors that make you get along with someone or not. For now, personally, my "incredible success" looks like this: there is chemistry, there are even character similarities or suitability, and there was even compatibility of values (it's absolutely unbelievable that a person had a very enriched understanding of this for herself!), but people don't have written their goals for themselves... and then, while already in a relationship, they discover it and it turns out that we can't fit our preferred goals or it's quite tricky to try it :D anyway... to be honest, maybe this can be just a natural conclusion in the finale, because something, some qualities that are conflicting with yours already appear in the process, so then the creation of that list of goals illustrates it more than reveals it - the incompatibility. Let's not waste each other's time and other resources, it leaves a very bad impression and bitterness for a long time, which can definitely be avoided.
This is my blog about self-knowledge, self-work, emotional healing, growth, psychology, philosophy in general and other related themes.