Path of self discovery

So... Now that we have already discussed the consciously chosen or willingly created factors that can determine the success of any connection with another person, we can now move on to not-so-conscious and perhaps not-so-significant factors. They mostly try to describe specific character traits and features. These classifications can be based on immutable things, for example, zodiacs are based on the date of birth, well, or some things that can be changed, because the MTBI classification or even the results of the Big Five test can change during a person's life, as he works on some of his character traits.
The MBTI type indicator is created according to K.G. Jung's "Psychological types" classification. This classification doesn't have a very solid scientific basis, so I don't really know if it's worth studying this system thoroughly,  but nevertheless, the tests are interesting, the descriptions of each type are too; there are pages, groups, and even dating apps that either rely solely on the MBTI or make it a significant part of them. From my experience, I can only say that without trying to change my behavior and understanding, my MBTI always had one result - INTJ... But after starting the self-knowledge work, my MBTI type started to change, and now I have no idea, if can I rely on any type in this classification... maybe the hardest part was to "break" the trait of introversion, but quite often I also get the letter of an extrovert now, so somehow I don't pay much attention anymore.
Actually, according to K.G. Jung himself, personality typology has 2 elements:
- namely extroversion and introversion and
- sensations, thinking, feeling, and intuition
It is from this classification that the Myers-Briggs personality test and the 16 personality types were created. According to the Swiss psychologist himself, it is best to simply improve your less expressed tendencies, for example, it is best for an introvert to improve his more extroverted side, or, say for an intuitive person - body sensations, etc.
The test is here. (free of charge)

The Big Five - a topic I'm less familiar with, but maybe even because of that it's more interesting... In addition, at least at the moment, many in psychology recognize this classification as sufficient to determine the personality type, although it already shifts towards 6 personality traits instead of 5 - "[...]it has been suggested that the Big Five system should be replaced by HEXACO, or revised to better align with lexical evidence.." (from Wikipedia). What personality traits are included in the Big Five:
O openness to experience
C conscientiousness
E extroversion
A agreeableness
N neuroticism
To get along well with a person in a relationship, it is best not to have a very big gap from each other in all 5 characteristics, except for neuroticism, the less neuroticism both have, the more stable the relationship is. And, well, this indicates the need to try to work on it, if there is a lot of neuroticism, and, yes, it is possible to change it- each trait. For more info on OCEAN traits, see the video bellow
The test is here. (free of charge) 

This group of factors influencing relationships can also include love/apology languages.

Oh my god.. now, when Katy Perry is sprinkling fireworks in the acoustic background of my working spot, I need to write something that nobody really gets so far... OK, I'll try.
Anyway, there can be goals for your personal life, because at least we can regulate this phenomenon to some extent - our life, however - the dilemma of fate/free will has never been resolved in philosophy, and maybe it never will be, so it just means that we cannot fully control even our own lives. Our lives often are as if they were "given" to us, for example, sexual orientation, birth in a certain country, and so on, and that makes us "the way we are" and it's not related to the idea that we create our life, but still... blind surrender to the life's flow and only to it is short-sighted and leads to getting stuck, wasting your potential and giving your personal power to the environment... the environment that will never be better because of it, since it needs challenges too, not just swimming down the river (only dead fishes swim this way). So, this preordained part relays solely on finding someone you match well enough with and it is like buying lottery tickets, being in the right place, at the right time, etc.. well, in other words, without this personal luck and desire to follow it, it's still possible to highlight the manifestations of your free will/consciousness.
I have already mentioned that thanks to  Richard Grannon's courses in the fall of 2020, I was able to put my long journaling about life goals and drawing them into a very simple but effective scheme (you can look at it again here)... Not only that, in those courses you can also quite effectively (even with extremely expressive internal resistance:)) create some list of daily steps you need to do to achieve a long-term goal eventually. It was a lot of fun if put shortly...:)
People who are already in a couple can try to create an exact goal map for their family unit/partnership. People who are starting to pair up, if they already know they're and their partner's life goals/visions - the desired, aspired lifestyle (and their current style is already connected to it in one way or another), so then they can help each other by making some compatibility schemes for better understanding. Here is an example

However... even if you have a goal map, it's hard to figure out whether your and your partner's goals are compatible or not, and whether it's worth continuing to work on the connection or not... Well, even if they really match or when they're very different, maybe you can just rely on what a person's major needs are and how they fit with what you need. On this topic, Teal Swan just released a really good video about how trauma causes people to have  involuntary needs later on in life:

Well, and to pay final tribute to our existing culture, which still has never disappointed anyone in its development and, so to speak, -only forward!- attitude... Maybe it is best for someone to simply not be in a long-term relationship, but to change them from time to time or to be in a polyamorous relationship or to be in a relationship just to become a dad/mom and that's it, no big romantics there... absolute diversity  - all around.

Here it is the list of values... Because I annoyed myself enough with only talking about it and not doing it, although really, REALLY, man, it's not that easy to make such a matrix or something similar, so to speak, you don't have to drive yourself crazy about it too.
One way or another, after internal dramas or simply deathly inner silence, I created it.
Mhm, and now here are some comments on this simply wonderful piece of mine :D
1) God in this matrix isn't necessarily what it is for all Catholics or other Christians, but he is also not just an ordinary concept that does not mean anythingbut just an outdated and worn-out character of the Bible and some other widely spread books. In this context god is the sum of all values, the embodiment of all possible virtues... You may ask, why, if science is some kind of integration of all truth-reality, then the concentration of virtues cannot be something neutral, rational, such as morality... hm, to be honest, I don't really know the answer. However, in religion, God often also has another role, which is usually called logos and it relates to pure rationality... Maybe the answer is: you just don't want to completely become a robot and reduce everything to a neutral, lifeless machinery, but leave space for nature instead, for something that is simply too difficult for one person with one consciousness to grasp. 
​In psychology, or maybe even in general, the balance between emotions and rationality is quite important... Even the heart has its own neurons (more info - here), and the brain is actually the organ that feels, although the sensations of those feelings and emotions come to us physically through the area of the heart .
2) The four columns of values in the matrix pic are taken from the book King Warrior Magician Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine, which is not really a textbook, but rather my choice coupled with my inclination for grouping. It could also be divided into, say:
- Psychology (Magician equivalent)
- LGBT activities (Warrior equivalent)
- Arts (Lover equivalent)
- Community (King equivalent)
3) How to distinguish whether a person has similar or different value systems and so... Well, if you see that some directions do not correspond radically to yours... for example: the opinion of others is not very important to me, well, it is important, I take it into account, because it helps to keep yourself up to date and to improve, but in reality I still mostly rely on my intuition, etc. I listen to people when I know that they are much more knowledgeable in some area than I am, for example in politics or computers or music making or the society of some other country, etc. So, going back to the topic: if a person is very attentive to decency, normativity, etc., this may conflict with my tendency to value authenticity and honesty; and this conflict would arise because something fundamental in both would be violated. However, all the blocks of values should be reviewed, because perhaps the truth and it's honest expression are as important to the person (person that holds decency, normativity for their virtues) as subtlety and tolerance are important to me (even, if I hold authenticity and honesty as virtues too), so it is not necessary that there will be a strong conflict in communication anyway.
​If sports are important to a person and not arts.... If his/her direction in life is the career in specific profession rather than community… you just won't find many topics for comunication to each other in the long run and any effort to build this family cabin will be doomed. Compatibility is what determines almost everything, because love can ignite quite often... (at least for me, I almost certainly fall in love with someone who feels something similar to me :D) it's just not an essential indicator, although without it there would be nothing to talk about. And if an union is possible, where love does not slip towards other people, I have not yet experienced it, so it is pointless to theorize about it.
Behold and have a nice time :)) spring has sprung after all 💐

P.s.: compatibility isn't sameness or being different... it's just that directions in your life - your most important values must not be in an ongoing conflict with another person's directions. About this topic - in the next entry.

Forgive me and I forgive myself for the long pause inn bloging related to various events due to the start of the war in Ukraine. Hopefully, it will end somehow and we will gradually sort out the whole mess, well, or SOMETHING else will happen AGAIN, which probably won't be a surprise to anyone anymore…​
Oh, so that it might be clearer to some whether am I completely insane in combining Peterson with LGBT, here's Post Malone also in not quite usual outfit of medieval armor running in circles somewhere about something... Rapunzel?

Ok... so on ecology in our lives. What do you do about it? Do you recycle your home waste? Or do you try not to use a lot of stuff, and re-use anything you can? What are your choices to not drawn yourself into the sea of things: furniture, clothing, shoes, bags, plants, dishes, food, anything? Do you like it to be as clean and empty as it is in minimalism style or even as for ascetics: only you, backpack, toothbrush, and a bottle of water? Or are you more of the creative, chaotic person, who needs to have a bunch of useless things around him/her, wake up and sleep not by regime or discipline but rather by impulse or mood - in waves and still be fine and ok? What is your prerogative: a chaotic creative style or a clean orderly style. Both of them have their own charm and limits... Or maybe you are someone in between and then get 'eclectic' or 'shallow' labels because of it? Okay... So, about me, myself and I :D again. I like the XIX century ending XXc beginning, why? Because this was sort of a crossroad from something, that was old and slow and constant into something that was suddenly blooming, growing at never seen speed before... everything just exploded: industry, medicine, population, art, all. So, I guess, that defines me as someone, who likes to hold on to, what is oldish and go on with something, what's new. That time has writers such as J.Verne, I can't tell, how much I liked to read him in middle school, telephones were invented, and many other machines. It's something in between posh and rich in ornamental design and clear, and clean, certain strictness of geometry, shapes, and humbleness. I love it. Maybe generation X makes me choose things in "between", neither old style nor digital. I don't know, it just works for me. I enjoy recycling and emptiness just as I love to bring nature home: leaves, plants, tree branches, shells - stuff, "I might need" for this and that and all :D and it's very appreciated and valued. But yeah, windows must be big and lots of light and lightness too.

Hygiene and cosmetics - similar topic, looking, smelling, touching, hearing - body sensations and body-mind, if you can name so. Why it is important, I can't tell but it's funny, how a clean and pleasant environment and your own body makes all things just better, lighter, easier... like after sitting in some cellar and a small, dark place, you go into an empty, open area, where only fresh air, wind, and open space is present. Not no mention, if you can observe all of it from some spot in good height. It cleans your soul, you finally can breathe and feel alive, and you can say, who you are and not sit still and analyze your past, on and on. It's this need for space and freshness, empty head, open heart... only body: bones, muscles, and blood - only those are your life, You, everything, every piece working in perfect harmony. Jesus, how I love this :D so yeah, mainly, hygiene and cosmetics are important... oh right, and some dirt and not being ONLY careful works as well... you know, potato needs fertilizers :) our body needs to fight something to stay awake and ready, also our body parts die every second, every second so many die in general and then.. so many are born, really, I wonder, if bonobos would have developed those brains that we possess now, would they populate the whole planet just like we did? And yet again, if we fly into open space already, how long until immortality's invention? And where all of us will fit... ? And then again, to have a child that is raised peacefully and with awareness can just make it work, not because "everybody does it", everybody does just the same nature programmed them to fulfil instincts and then die, but we can do more, I do believe, as we are nature and it always wins, we do go the right way, way of the nature. 

Ok, so the next topic, that I truly simply pull out of nowhere​, seemingly is about... :D socializing and pets, shall we?

• I talked about being alone and self-sustained because it's a seriously interesting topic and a needed skill entering an adult's life (doesn't matter, if you enter it at your 16 or your 56, it's never too late, and we all remain childish no matter what unless we become healed 100% like Buddha or something), so... Yes, self-sustainability is a thing (at least for me) and then there is that part in us, who needs socializing and needs it highly. Not to mention, in a hierarchy of needs, there is this section of social-belonging needs. We all are animals, never gone far from it, main brain capacity is still wired to surviving and motoric, really not to the prefrontal part responsible for our conscious thoughts and being... That's a little part, the main part is about body and unconscious, and as animals we are very social creatures, not to mention that this need is about surviving too: a group is more effective in hunting and all than one individual. It's often said that introverts are quite new, just as eating meat or cook food is a relatively new part of the life of humanity, I am not sure about it (introvertive features) myself but I am sure, we developed not only cooking but morality to sort our lives and better surviving of the species. Morality isn't something pulled out of nowhere too, primary it helped to control and develop the most preferred behavior within the group, the most effective behavior. Anyone, who murders, rapes, assaults, and steals isn't wrong to survive and have more offspring, it's just he (she?) usually ends up alone; or say, a group where such a human would become a leader (because everyone would avoid and fear him), would be brutal and abusive, where creativity, peace, gathering, and teaching-passing knowledge wouldn't be very much preferred or even existing... I mean, there isn't anything new, if you rob, murder, or assault others in such a group unless you do even harder, and! even in this situation, you would be more effective in a group than alone. Shortly put groups with brutal and destructive behavior are hard to create and even harder to maintain, they aren't long living and stable. So, in this way common to today's morals are those, where we mostly avoid murder, rape, assault, and theft and embrace peacefulness, cooperation, creativity, and flexibility; these principles slowly created more successful, prosperous, and greater groups and civilizations afterward. Well, something like that, I'm not a historian, and this small description is about socializing and the importance of it; we created unimaginable things because needed one another to get better and learn and so on.

So... shortly: don't forget your family or loved ones, friends, co-workers, everyday strangers - cashiers, drivers, electrics, postmen, waitresses, just people at a bus stop. One random smile can change your day, and one accidentally met a stranger - your life. Take conflicts as a challenge to learn to solve problems, enemies for guidance to most important things, when we lose our ways; there is a body, that falls out, everything is simply connected in ways, and it's impossible to fall out. So :) let's enjoy our days and, I hope, 2022 Easter amused and cheered everyone up :)

Aha, on pets :D well.... everyone that we sort a "save", funny enough, usually saves us more. There is a great idea in there telling that only losing self with another one gets you to find yourself, paradoxically (is it from Depeche Mode song?).
Also, speaking about pets, a lot of people can learn about parenting simply by having some pets and watching themselves, how do you do with them, Do you like it? Can you be ok with them and care enough, do they have everything? Do you spend some time with them, do you understand do's and don'ts? Can you say they are ok with you and are appreciating you, even if in quite ambiguous ways :)? Are you ok with your daily life and traveling and not getting too busy because of them, you find free time and connect with people as well? So on. If you are ok with your pets and still have a quite fine life, you might be ok with kids too. Again... not to mention that it's a good exercise to learn empathy for kids too - to care about a pet, to understand the needs and emotional state of another one, of course, at the proper age for it. 
Some people, who were abused and abandoned by their family of origin in quite severe ways prefer to bond with animals more than people. Might be also just an outcome of copying the behavior of their guardians in early childhood.
​Let them stay happy, those paws and all :)

So... last entry was on mental stretching and having a somewhat wider worldview and bigger picture intact. This one will be on the physical part: exercising, moving and doing.
Anything: walking, running, swimming, yoga, jogging, climbing, boxing, lifting... What do you do, what is your favorite? Do you do it separately or just combine it with your daily activities, like - walking your dog longer, maybe your work requires running or walking, constant moving? Is it your profession: sports or do you just go swimming in the local water place doesn't matter if it's cold or warm outside? What best results have you hit yet? What is it you want to achieve? I just love to move, if I don't move, it seems like I'm dying, the brain doesn't get enough oxygen, no endorphins, and the mood gets way too low. Do you overwork, or over-exercise often? How many lazy days do you have in a week? All this is so exciting :D
I love swimming BTW, what are your fav sports? Someone uses smart bracelets? 
Maybe you play competitive sports: football, baseball, rugby. Martial arts? In martial arts, I think it's an important tool for self-competence in a manner not to fight but knowing that you actually can do it: fight, means your tension in a bit, say, awkward situations might be lower or not exist. BTW, just a thought, but some guys are really good at verbalizing themselves out of trouble, that's good protection as well. Team sports also bring some communication into the place, which is always a healthy daily exercise as well + in the warmer season it might bring you out into the sun - important too. 

And shortly on diet: I am not exactly sure about younger people, since I ate drunk and used all sorts of sh***t, so is it interesting to them, I am not sure. Still.. the younger you start to build up the biological system we call the body, the longer and happier it will last. Again, in dieting I never met anyone, who has it sorted completely, diets that people I met used: vegan, vegetarian, keto, Mediterranean, fasting, intermediate fasting, raw food, fruitarian, raw vegan, water diet-detox days in intervals, tea diet-detox in intervals, gluten-free diet and I guess, that is it. Usually, people, who are more aware and conscious about, what they eat and how much, are counting calories a bit, eating less fatty and sugary food, and trying to exercise. There are many indicators of, what is ok and not so much on the labels of the products as well: red, yellow, and green coloring of fat, sugar, and salt in the product can tell you, what to pick best, especially knowing this limit for kcal/day for an adult - 2500. For some hours eating doesn't matter, for others eating in the evening is a slow torture sentence in fast-evolving obesity. Some mixed stuff: eating some particular diet, not exceeding a particular number of kcal/day, doing some fasting too. I think like in exercising there is anything adjusted to a person. Never mind that, if too strict, you can end up losing your healthy style constantly because natural ways of our psyche need freedom and constant restriction that can't vary, and having days off seems like a prison, I wouldn't suggest that. 
And a few words on addictive substances like nicotine, alcohol, and caffeine. Not long ago even doctors claimed that nicotine is healthy in small amounts (well not so long ago Sun was turning around Earth, so no surprises), so now it's still believed alcohol and especially caffeine is healthy in considerate portions too... Again, I'm not telling you to be perfect but if you use something, never judge anyone self-medicating on heroin, since the point is the same everywhere: if you can't calm down and stay uplifted without your "small sins", the other person can't too... although judging, in general, is a hard thing to handle. Stay healthy, stay clean, and let your energy brighten your and your friend's day. Whoop whoop!!! fella or a gal, whoop whoop :P

Reading, ok, let's do reading and exercises since I can't understand any mental stretching without some boxing bag or good swimming... It doesn't go this way, you need to move to rest up your brain and you need to exercise your brain to let your body levitate in its own galaxy or something...
Reading, again, I prefer paper books, it's so much easier to separate them + I simply like to detach from pc, phone, and anything, to have a cuppa with some green (decaf) tea or coffee (decaf, you guest right) and.... just disconnect from fast, racing, competing, eating itself up world... with wars, epidemics, protests, masks, prices, noises, mess... all of it. That is best for me, but anyway, other people prefer other stuff: audiobooks are the thing, you can also get into group book readings, and so on. You can write books :) and also there is an internet... This wonder of the world needs another to write about it.
So... Internet and streaming created this way of people without writing and reading simply streaming their knowledge and also following to get some kind of knowledge. I know, the classical, academic approach dismantles and belittles this way of sharing: giving-receiving knowledge, since it's messy, random, filled with actual bull***t and not many can disagree with those arguments... as they can't disagree that most new, fresh and intact information really is concentrated in the internet, not in books or newspapers. It's just so much faster than other ways of info streaming... that technically it's just impossible to get faster than this. So to belittle the importance of the internet is a completely wrong choice. So... I would like to mention podcasts and conferences, films, and all you can find in this reality of the internet which is actually not very real, it's virtual, yet, it creates actual reality so so strongly... already. 

And then home-schooling. what it is and why you need to know it :D home-schooling was one of the best options to escape from the world's madness when Covid just hit and it always is the most preferable option for escaping the mad education system that we have. Yes, there are better schools, alternative places, where teachers and their students are choosing objects to learn by voting and never need to ask permission to visit toilets and never need to sit for hours in one place while being children filled with high levels of energy... Where teachers and students are on one level, not in the higher-lower hierarchy. And then those places are few and very fresh and usually expensive or not stable enough to trust for a longer time. So.... home-schooling is where parents (or other guardians - grandparents, step-parents, and so on) can do their best to avoid pushing their children through the mince grater to make them into "another brick in the wall".  It needs some preparation, and some bravery but most of all it needs people, who are prepared for parenting and have some excess time to spend in a quality way with their children, in playing, resting, learning, and in other activities. That is most required - having recourses: a giant wish for your child to get the best out of learning and saved spare time to actually do learning together. And that's it basically. 
If you don't believe me, try to re-educate your own self without attending the academy world. There are plenty of famous, successful people, who never went there following their diplomas but rather following their life mission, not the carer but a call (not graduated or are drop-outs: Coco Chanel, George Orwell, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Claude Monet and more). What else?? dunno, maybe Billie Eilish's example of being home-schooled in their childhood and so on. It's not about staying uneducated, it's about staying with your passion rather than with your paper.

Well... Let's talk about guys and gals, who are capable to do three things at once and then doing nothing for hours or even a day :D since something else is happening in their body or unconsciousness, so they are incapable of even moving a lot then... But!! If their body is up for action is usually not only driving, going shopping in the 10min break, cooking, cleaning a flat, pumping their muscles, choosing music, and planning the future :D and only god knows, what else going on, fact is - a lot is going on at once. This being said I just want to illustrate it visually and then put a few words on how and why it is useful, what its flaws and how I manage this trait I have myself.
Pros: You can manage a lot of things by yourself and master being self-sustainable in your household and build up your life, so no one else is really needed... You see, the problem with getting together with someone isn't about them doing things, you can't manage to do, it's about being ok by yourself and meeting someone, who is ok by themselves too. In other way put: if you think someone will help you with your stuff, you will certainly meet someone, who will think you can handle some of their stuff and... well, calculate yourself, but it means you will never escape from working your a** out anyway even, if someone will do part of your duties.. unless you have an unrealistic thought that your new duties for your partner will be miraculously amazing and never boring to do :D Best luck with that... So I think, the best trait of being a multitasker is a promise to yourself and your close ones that you can handle it all by yourself: cleaning, shopping, food, car (or a bike or any transport), bills, body hygiene, washing, looks, health care, so on.
Cons: If you managing all by yourself, you know, how uneasy is to have something additional, how uneasy is to move to another flat, city, country... how difficult is to invite another person into your life and how hard is to comfort those, who are already in, and BTW their life changes too, so its a roller-coaster. You may be not focused, seem ignorant, forgot to check in with the world's news so on.
How I am managing it? I let myself do nothing if I just can't do anything that day... It's scary, strange, and uncomfortable but ok and somewhat shamanic. And I let me be 6 handed god thing :D who does everything at once, if I seem to have enough of energy and will for it that day... It's seriously messy, not accurate, and overwhelming but it's freakin magical too. I try to have my schedule intact (eating, sleeping, cleaning times) but not forget more major tasks and their space in my life (to call family, write a blog, plan journeys, check in with the world's news, therapy, car fix so on)
Yes, that is as simple as that, - just let it flow as a river and you'll be fine or somewhat alike fine :)

BTW some people are very big on meditating or praying or both. TBH I pray and I pray either because I have heavenly connection moments and I try to remind myself about the concept of gods and anything divine being metaphorically our parent figures, while we were babies, and having an ok connection with that brings us to appreciate life and accept it's gifts more easily... Also, I do that in moments of great struggle.. and accidents, it re-creates the same bond with the "divine" and saves us from the belief that we are incapable of withholding and pushing through hardship. Although I prefer talking mantras so much more, the mantra is the long lasting rhythmic repeating of some phrases or words that are important and effective to you. 
what about meditating. I hardly do it consciously as well but it happens to get me more grounded and centered, not to be blown by the wind in any direction. And mostly I do it "on a go", it happens, when I can't focus but need to... or simply before falling asleep or just before being awake... Those purely insightful, crossing conscious/unconscious line moments, where you know and get more than usual, no drugs needed, right? those moments are naturally hypnotic and visionary. And again... I prefer being in nature and just watching it so much more and simply getting grounded, reconnected, and refreshed by it.
If you have something to share about prayers and meditations, please, write in the comments, I would enjoy reading it :) Sharing is caring

This time I write a bit about how to organize your finances and also your time. Everyone heard that thing about money<=>time, time is money, money is time... So have you ever organized your own finances and time by yourself to become your own boss and not build up something for someone else's business? no? Why not try to do so now, right? Well, or at least to have that crazy thought in your head for a while about becoming a master of your finances and time... Clarity and the ability to actually see things, - numbers, figures, order, transparency before your eyes isn't so big of a task but really great benefit. It keeps you away from bigger anxiety issues, and you fear less... if you lose your count and completely drop off your schedule, you can go back to those, when the time is right again... and count again, right all on paper, when you want to see, how you actually are doing.
You can count your finances for months, can be for a week too. It can be an everyday schedule or you can divide it into working days and days off. Anyway you prefer, it's working, if you really think about it and live it. 
Another way to put this message through: it is not about doing it my way or anything but doing it in general, meaning - creating sheets about the most important areas in your lives about things that are essential for you also including things that are temporary as, say, to look at your progress in particular project or activity. The reason for doing it is this: you might evaluate things completely differently than the way they actually are and it's nobody's business to prove to you that you're wrong... You know guys, who can go for years in one and same place like stuck or circling. One of them knows, they go in stages (like a spiral) not circles (like 2D circles), others can't see that because all they know is to trust intuition... And to trust your guts (intuition) is awesome and needed, those are your natural instincts talking sense to you. But!! There is always this -but- :D I'm so sorry, so the life's "butt" is that intuition sometimes fails and only facts naked, cruel or not, just simple facts can lead you to a better solution than you used before and lead you out of your 2D circling problems... That's how so-called "blind spots" are crashed, of course!!! before crushing them, you have to notice them, they have to be revealed straight into your face and, when you start to see them, - that's already halfway done before getting free of them. So... please write those things: achievements, downfalls, spending, income, hours for work, hours to rest up, feelings you feel, places you want to go mentally, reminders, of who you are, doubts, insanities, confusion so on... please, write them.
Myself, I use office sheets for this but whatever is working for you, just keep on doing it :)

Ok and another area that needs to mention is exactly about mental/emotional development and building up the awareness of one's own self is journaling. Writing, recording audio, or even video - all possible formats are just as good. You can paint, you can dance, you can sculpt so on.. whatever works for you to get to actualize and understand, what is going on within you - that's the point of any form of journaling. To see yourself and to know you better, who you are, what you feel, what it looks like, and what you see around you. Believe me, you don't know most of the info you contain within... it's hard to know another person, so it's hard to know yourself too.... + think about what kind of capacity would you develop to understand another person, if you would really be well trained to do that for you. I think the benefits are enormous and still.... no one will get you as you can get yourself. ;) So all the best in the sexiest and most exciting journey you can ever find :) oh, and endless :D it can only end with yourself in the set, so even this crucial point is covered here.

P.s.: rereading and re-listening to your older journal entries is a super exercise too, you can also go to the public some of your creations and testimonies, this way you can get the opportunity to view them several times as well.