Here it is the list of values... Because I annoyed myself enough with only talking about it and not doing it, although really, REALLY, man, it's not that easy to make such a matrix or something similar, so to speak, you don't have to drive yourself crazy about it too. One way or another, after internal dramas or simply deathly inner silence, I created it. Mhm, and now here are some comments on this simply wonderful piece of mine :D 1) God in this matrix isn't necessarily what it is for all Catholics or other Christians, but he is also not just an ordinary concept that does not mean anythingbut just an outdated and worn-out character of the Bible and some other widely spread books. In this context god is the sum of all values, the embodiment of all possible virtues... You may ask, why, if science is some kind of integration of all truth-reality, then the concentration of virtues cannot be something neutral, rational, such as morality... hm, to be honest, I don't really know the answer. However, in religion, God often also has another role, which is usually called logos and it relates to pure rationality... Maybe the answer is: you just don't want to completely become a robot and reduce everything to a neutral, lifeless machinery, but leave space for nature instead, for something that is simply too difficult for one person with one consciousness to grasp. In psychology, or maybe even in general, the balance between emotions and rationality is quite important... Even the heart has its own neurons (more info - here), and the brain is actually the organ that feels, although the sensations of those feelings and emotions come to us physically through the area of the heart . 2) The four columns of values in the matrix pic are taken from the book King Warrior Magician Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine, which is not really a textbook, but rather my choice coupled with my inclination for grouping. It could also be divided into, say: - Psychology (Magician equivalent) - LGBT activities (Warrior equivalent) - Arts (Lover equivalent) - Community (King equivalent) 3) How to distinguish whether a person has similar or different value systems and so... Well, if you see that some directions do not correspond radically to yours... for example: the opinion of others is not very important to me, well, it is important, I take it into account, because it helps to keep yourself up to date and to improve, but in reality I still mostly rely on my intuition, etc. I listen to people when I know that they are much more knowledgeable in some area than I am, for example in politics or computers or music making or the society of some other country, etc. So, going back to the topic: if a person is very attentive to decency, normativity, etc., this may conflict with my tendency to value authenticity and honesty; and this conflict would arise because something fundamental in both would be violated. However, all the blocks of values should be reviewed, because perhaps the truth and it's honest expression are as important to the person (person that holds decency, normativity for their virtues) as subtlety and tolerance are important to me (even, if I hold authenticity and honesty as virtues too), so it is not necessary that there will be a strong conflict in communication anyway. If sports are important to a person and not arts.... If his/her direction in life is the career in specific profession rather than community… you just won't find many topics for comunication to each other in the long run and any effort to build this family cabin will be doomed. Compatibility is what determines almost everything, because love can ignite quite often... (at least for me, I almost certainly fall in love with someone who feels something similar to me :D) it's just not an essential indicator, although without it there would be nothing to talk about. And if an union is possible, where love does not slip towards other people, I have not yet experienced it, so it is pointless to theorize about it. Behold and have a nice time :)) spring has sprung after all 💐 And this ⬇️ is exactly what ruins everything... ⬇️ with those buttons, although hm, probably it's the other way around, really :)) ⬇️ ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 P.s.: compatibility isn't sameness or being different... it's just that directions in your life - your most important values must not be in an ongoing conflict with another person's directions. About this topic - in the next entry.
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I would like to talk about relationships again and brush up a bit on my understanding of compatibility with someone. Over a period of time, I gradually noticed and identified several important aspects in compatibility and the understanding can be improved to make it easier to choose the right partner. For example, in addition to a list of preferences/personal boundaries, you can make 2 lists or schemes (as you like), which basically determine compatibility with someone: 1) The first and probably the most important is the list of values. A person must know his values and you can find it out through conversations with your person over time, how much your values are in match/mismatch. Virtue matrix or compass is an indispensable tool in anyone's life, whether they live with someone or alone. Examples of upheld values may include: - truth/strength/honesty, - courage/freedom/authenticity, - peace/mindfulness/awareness, - compassion/love/empathy, - aesthetics/beauty/creativity etc. What values/directions prevail in a person, such is and will be his life. Again, the value system does not have to be 100% identical for both partners, some blocks in it may differ, but basically compatibility here guarantees durability and deeply blooming love. I'm trying to put together my virtue matrix somehow, so I hope I won't talk about it so much anymore, but finally will construct it. 2) The second and very important list is about your life style, goals etc. I will repeat it again, but if you already have a matrix, compass of values, you can also create a map of life goals :) This exercise is also quite difficult and you need to learn a lot about your own daily rhythm, playfulness and willingness to initiate planning, but it is possible. Examples of goals, life style can be about: inclination, passion for certain things, for example: art, politics, travel - or tendency to be sedentary, desire to have a family, importance of children - or career, attitude towards finances, sexuality - or attitude towards self-exploration, self-knowledge, mental health hygiene etc. If these things do not coincide at all, for example, one person wants to live in the city center, does not want a family, and the other wants to live somewhere in the village and wants not only a family, but also a farm, they simply will not have enough opportunities to get along. Goals, lifestyles don't have to match 100%, but there should be enough overlap on both sides. Also it shouldn't be that one or the other person tries to look only at their/each other's goals and not support their spouse, such a union is doomed to failure. Compatibility here guarantees easy and acceptable togetherness, thereby avoiding tension and the problems arising from it. An example of life goals map can be found in this post. The following 2 points are not so fatal, I think, but conversation, curiosity would certainly not be a fail. If attraction has already happened, then you can do some research :) Finding out more about your/someone else's character may not be such a stressful and attentive activity but rather a bit of curiosity, a desire to check, to get to know the character classifications prevailing in the world at the moment. These aspects are not very conscious and fit very well next to knowing love/apology languages. 3) Maybe not so important, but quite significant thing is character traits, which can be divided in various ways… - according to BIG 5 classification, - according to MBTI, - according to zodiacs even, - or whatever else These things are not so fatal because they do not have such a strong influence, some traits of a character can be changed in the long run. Perhaps I rely on the BIG 5 classification the most, it can give insights on why there are so many gaps, because, for example, a person who takes information and opinion formation from his close social circle will seem stupid and superficial to a person who forms his opinion according to carefully selected rational information from various sources accessible to all. And again, that kind of person will appear robotic, cold and uncommunicative to a socially active person. There will be more about the BIG 5 in next entries. 4) Personal qualities such as physical appearance, energy, IQ, EQ, etc. can probably be attributed to this group. What is important to a person in another person, who really likes - a certain body type, - who likes self-sufficiency, - who likes an emotional connection, - who likes similar food, - similar activities, inclinations, etc. There's a theory that we can have a sudden crush on someone who physically resembles our mom/dad/other caregiver in some way. Music styles, movies… clothes, etc., you name it. This group is probably the most common among people when choosing who to spend more intimate time with, and since it is not so conscious, and it is hardly possible to change these characteristics. Additionally such a relationship is often not aimed at longevity, so well... relying only on this group may not be the best choice but it happens anyway, and often new lives are started accidentally and it is what keeps couples together, although it is not the optimal option for anyone in the family. For now, I think that’s the basics, what ensures that people are hit by that "chemistry" etc. :D and also what ensures the longevity and durability of the connection. P.s.: when talking about connection, I usually mean a romantic connection, but almost all factors are also suitable for friendship and bonding between colleagues, etc.
Forgive me and I forgive myself for the long pause inn bloging related to various events due to the start of the war in Ukraine. Hopefully, it will end somehow and we will gradually sort out the whole mess, well, or SOMETHING else will happen AGAIN, which probably won't be a surprise to anyone anymore… Oh, so that it might be clearer to some whether am I completely insane in combining Peterson with LGBT, here's Post Malone also in not quite usual outfit of medieval armor running in circles somewhere about something... Rapunzel? P.s.: I don't know for sure if courage can go without insanity, at least a little bit of it... salut!🫡
P.p.s.: all my texts are not aimed at some particular group, majority or minority... I simply don't care about orientation, race, body type etc.; if it suits you - great, if not... I wish you luck in finding the right info for you✌️ Ok... so on ecology in our lives. What do you do about it? Do you recycle your home waste? Or do you try not to use a lot of stuff, and re-use anything you can? What are your choices to not drawn yourself into the sea of things: furniture, clothing, shoes, bags, plants, dishes, food, anything? Do you like it to be as clean and empty as it is in minimalism style or even as for ascetics: only you, backpack, toothbrush, and a bottle of water? Or are you more of the creative, chaotic person, who needs to have a bunch of useless things around him/her, wake up and sleep not by regime or discipline but rather by impulse or mood - in waves and still be fine and ok? What is your prerogative: a chaotic creative style or a clean orderly style. Both of them have their own charm and limits... Or maybe you are someone in between and then get 'eclectic' or 'shallow' labels because of it? Okay... So, about me, myself and I :D again. I like the XIX century ending XXc beginning, why? Because this was sort of a crossroad from something, that was old and slow and constant into something that was suddenly blooming, growing at never seen speed before... everything just exploded: industry, medicine, population, art, all. So, I guess, that defines me as someone, who likes to hold on to, what is oldish and go on with something, what's new. That time has writers such as J.Verne, I can't tell, how much I liked to read him in middle school, telephones were invented, and many other machines. It's something in between posh and rich in ornamental design and clear, and clean, certain strictness of geometry, shapes, and humbleness. I love it. Maybe generation X makes me choose things in "between", neither old style nor digital. I don't know, it just works for me. I enjoy recycling and emptiness just as I love to bring nature home: leaves, plants, tree branches, shells - stuff, "I might need" for this and that and all :D and it's very appreciated and valued. But yeah, windows must be big and lots of light and lightness too. Hygiene and cosmetics - similar topic, looking, smelling, touching, hearing - body sensations and body-mind, if you can name so. Why it is important, I can't tell but it's funny, how a clean and pleasant environment and your own body makes all things just better, lighter, easier... like after sitting in some cellar and a small, dark place, you go into an empty, open area, where only fresh air, wind, and open space is present. Not no mention, if you can observe all of it from some spot in good height. It cleans your soul, you finally can breathe and feel alive, and you can say, who you are and not sit still and analyze your past, on and on. It's this need for space and freshness, empty head, open heart... only body: bones, muscles, and blood - only those are your life, You, everything, every piece working in perfect harmony. Jesus, how I love this :D so yeah, mainly, hygiene and cosmetics are important... oh right, and some dirt and not being ONLY careful works as well... you know, potato needs fertilizers :) our body needs to fight something to stay awake and ready, also our body parts die every second, every second so many die in general and then.. so many are born, really, I wonder, if bonobos would have developed those brains that we possess now, would they populate the whole planet just like we did? And yet again, if we fly into open space already, how long until immortality's invention? And where all of us will fit... ? And then again, to have a child that is raised peacefully and with awareness can just make it work, not because "everybody does it", everybody does just the same nature programmed them to fulfil instincts and then die, but we can do more, I do believe, as we are nature and it always wins, we do go the right way, way of the nature.
Ok, so the next topic, that I truly simply pull out of nowhere, seemingly is about... :D socializing and pets, shall we?
Aha, on pets :D well.... everyone that we sort a "save", funny enough, usually saves us more. There is a great idea in there telling that only losing self with another one gets you to find yourself, paradoxically (is it from Depeche Mode song?).
Also, speaking about pets, a lot of people can learn about parenting simply by having some pets and watching themselves, how do you do with them, Do you like it? Can you be ok with them and care enough, do they have everything? Do you spend some time with them, do you understand do's and don'ts? Can you say they are ok with you and are appreciating you, even if in quite ambiguous ways :)? Are you ok with your daily life and traveling and not getting too busy because of them, you find free time and connect with people as well? So on. If you are ok with your pets and still have a quite fine life, you might be ok with kids too. Again... not to mention that it's a good exercise to learn empathy for kids too - to care about a pet, to understand the needs and emotional state of another one, of course, at the proper age for it. Some people, who were abused and abandoned by their family of origin in quite severe ways prefer to bond with animals more than people. Might be also just an outcome of copying the behavior of their guardians in early childhood. Let them stay happy, those paws and all :) So... last entry was on mental stretching and having a somewhat wider worldview and bigger picture intact. This one will be on the physical part: exercising, moving and doing. Anything: walking, running, swimming, yoga, jogging, climbing, boxing, lifting... What do you do, what is your favorite? Do you do it separately or just combine it with your daily activities, like - walking your dog longer, maybe your work requires running or walking, constant moving? Is it your profession: sports or do you just go swimming in the local water place doesn't matter if it's cold or warm outside? What best results have you hit yet? What is it you want to achieve? I just love to move, if I don't move, it seems like I'm dying, the brain doesn't get enough oxygen, no endorphins, and the mood gets way too low. Do you overwork, or over-exercise often? How many lazy days do you have in a week? All this is so exciting :D I love swimming BTW, what are your fav sports? Someone uses smart bracelets? Maybe you play competitive sports: football, baseball, rugby. Martial arts? In martial arts, I think it's an important tool for self-competence in a manner not to fight but knowing that you actually can do it: fight, means your tension in a bit, say, awkward situations might be lower or not exist. BTW, just a thought, but some guys are really good at verbalizing themselves out of trouble, that's good protection as well. Team sports also bring some communication into the place, which is always a healthy daily exercise as well + in the warmer season it might bring you out into the sun - important too. And shortly on diet: I am not exactly sure about younger people, since I ate drunk and used all sorts of sh***t, so is it interesting to them, I am not sure. Still.. the younger you start to build up the biological system we call the body, the longer and happier it will last. Again, in dieting I never met anyone, who has it sorted completely, diets that people I met used: vegan, vegetarian, keto, Mediterranean, fasting, intermediate fasting, raw food, fruitarian, raw vegan, water diet-detox days in intervals, tea diet-detox in intervals, gluten-free diet and I guess, that is it. Usually, people, who are more aware and conscious about, what they eat and how much, are counting calories a bit, eating less fatty and sugary food, and trying to exercise. There are many indicators of, what is ok and not so much on the labels of the products as well: red, yellow, and green coloring of fat, sugar, and salt in the product can tell you, what to pick best, especially knowing this limit for kcal/day for an adult - 2500. For some hours eating doesn't matter, for others eating in the evening is a slow torture sentence in fast-evolving obesity. Some mixed stuff: eating some particular diet, not exceeding a particular number of kcal/day, doing some fasting too. I think like in exercising there is anything adjusted to a person. Never mind that, if too strict, you can end up losing your healthy style constantly because natural ways of our psyche need freedom and constant restriction that can't vary, and having days off seems like a prison, I wouldn't suggest that.
And a few words on addictive substances like nicotine, alcohol, and caffeine. Not long ago even doctors claimed that nicotine is healthy in small amounts (well not so long ago Sun was turning around Earth, so no surprises), so now it's still believed alcohol and especially caffeine is healthy in considerate portions too... Again, I'm not telling you to be perfect but if you use something, never judge anyone self-medicating on heroin, since the point is the same everywhere: if you can't calm down and stay uplifted without your "small sins", the other person can't too... although judging, in general, is a hard thing to handle. Stay healthy, stay clean, and let your energy brighten your and your friend's day. Whoop whoop!!! fella or a gal, whoop whoop :P Reading, ok, let's do reading and exercises since I can't understand any mental stretching without some boxing bag or good swimming... It doesn't go this way, you need to move to rest up your brain and you need to exercise your brain to let your body levitate in its own galaxy or something... Reading, again, I prefer paper books, it's so much easier to separate them + I simply like to detach from pc, phone, and anything, to have a cuppa with some green (decaf) tea or coffee (decaf, you guest right) and.... just disconnect from fast, racing, competing, eating itself up world... with wars, epidemics, protests, masks, prices, noises, mess... all of it. That is best for me, but anyway, other people prefer other stuff: audiobooks are the thing, you can also get into group book readings, and so on. You can write books :) and also there is an internet... This wonder of the world needs another to write about it. So... Internet and streaming created this way of people without writing and reading simply streaming their knowledge and also following to get some kind of knowledge. I know, the classical, academic approach dismantles and belittles this way of sharing: giving-receiving knowledge, since it's messy, random, filled with actual bull***t and not many can disagree with those arguments... as they can't disagree that most new, fresh and intact information really is concentrated in the internet, not in books or newspapers. It's just so much faster than other ways of info streaming... that technically it's just impossible to get faster than this. So to belittle the importance of the internet is a completely wrong choice. So... I would like to mention podcasts and conferences, films, and all you can find in this reality of the internet which is actually not very real, it's virtual, yet, it creates actual reality so so strongly... already. And then home-schooling. what it is and why you need to know it :D home-schooling was one of the best options to escape from the world's madness when Covid just hit and it always is the most preferable option for escaping the mad education system that we have. Yes, there are better schools, alternative places, where teachers and their students are choosing objects to learn by voting and never need to ask permission to visit toilets and never need to sit for hours in one place while being children filled with high levels of energy... Where teachers and students are on one level, not in the higher-lower hierarchy. And then those places are few and very fresh and usually expensive or not stable enough to trust for a longer time. So.... home-schooling is where parents (or other guardians - grandparents, step-parents, and so on) can do their best to avoid pushing their children through the mince grater to make them into "another brick in the wall". It needs some preparation, and some bravery but most of all it needs people, who are prepared for parenting and have some excess time to spend in a quality way with their children, in playing, resting, learning, and in other activities. That is most required - having recourses: a giant wish for your child to get the best out of learning and saved spare time to actually do learning together. And that's it basically.
If you don't believe me, try to re-educate your own self without attending the academy world. There are plenty of famous, successful people, who never went there following their diplomas but rather following their life mission, not the carer but a call (not graduated or are drop-outs: Coco Chanel, George Orwell, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Claude Monet and more). What else?? dunno, maybe Billie Eilish's example of being home-schooled in their childhood and so on. It's not about staying uneducated, it's about staying with your passion rather than with your paper. Well... Let's talk about guys and gals, who are capable to do three things at once and then doing nothing for hours or even a day :D since something else is happening in their body or unconsciousness, so they are incapable of even moving a lot then... But!! If their body is up for action is usually not only driving, going shopping in the 10min break, cooking, cleaning a flat, pumping their muscles, choosing music, and planning the future :D and only god knows, what else going on, fact is - a lot is going on at once. This being said I just want to illustrate it visually and then put a few words on how and why it is useful, what its flaws and how I manage this trait I have myself. Pros: You can manage a lot of things by yourself and master being self-sustainable in your household and build up your life, so no one else is really needed... You see, the problem with getting together with someone isn't about them doing things, you can't manage to do, it's about being ok by yourself and meeting someone, who is ok by themselves too. In other way put: if you think someone will help you with your stuff, you will certainly meet someone, who will think you can handle some of their stuff and... well, calculate yourself, but it means you will never escape from working your a** out anyway even, if someone will do part of your duties.. unless you have an unrealistic thought that your new duties for your partner will be miraculously amazing and never boring to do :D Best luck with that... So I think, the best trait of being a multitasker is a promise to yourself and your close ones that you can handle it all by yourself: cleaning, shopping, food, car (or a bike or any transport), bills, body hygiene, washing, looks, health care, so on. Cons: If you managing all by yourself, you know, how uneasy is to have something additional, how uneasy is to move to another flat, city, country... how difficult is to invite another person into your life and how hard is to comfort those, who are already in, and BTW their life changes too, so its a roller-coaster. You may be not focused, seem ignorant, forgot to check in with the world's news so on. How I am managing it? I let myself do nothing if I just can't do anything that day... It's scary, strange, and uncomfortable but ok and somewhat shamanic. And I let me be 6 handed god thing :D who does everything at once, if I seem to have enough of energy and will for it that day... It's seriously messy, not accurate, and overwhelming but it's freakin magical too. I try to have my schedule intact (eating, sleeping, cleaning times) but not forget more major tasks and their space in my life (to call family, write a blog, plan journeys, check in with the world's news, therapy, car fix so on) Yes, that is as simple as that, - just let it flow as a river and you'll be fine or somewhat alike fine :) BTW some people are very big on meditating or praying or both. TBH I pray and I pray either because I have heavenly connection moments and I try to remind myself about the concept of gods and anything divine being metaphorically our parent figures, while we were babies, and having an ok connection with that brings us to appreciate life and accept it's gifts more easily... Also, I do that in moments of great struggle.. and accidents, it re-creates the same bond with the "divine" and saves us from the belief that we are incapable of withholding and pushing through hardship. Although I prefer talking mantras so much more, the mantra is the long lasting rhythmic repeating of some phrases or words that are important and effective to you.
what about meditating. I hardly do it consciously as well but it happens to get me more grounded and centered, not to be blown by the wind in any direction. And mostly I do it "on a go", it happens, when I can't focus but need to... or simply before falling asleep or just before being awake... Those purely insightful, crossing conscious/unconscious line moments, where you know and get more than usual, no drugs needed, right? those moments are naturally hypnotic and visionary. And again... I prefer being in nature and just watching it so much more and simply getting grounded, reconnected, and refreshed by it. If you have something to share about prayers and meditations, please, write in the comments, I would enjoy reading it :) Sharing is caring This time I write a bit about how to organize your finances and also your time. Everyone heard that thing about money<=>time, time is money, money is time... So have you ever organized your own finances and time by yourself to become your own boss and not build up something for someone else's business? no? Why not try to do so now, right? Well, or at least to have that crazy thought in your head for a while about becoming a master of your finances and time... Clarity and the ability to actually see things, - numbers, figures, order, transparency before your eyes isn't so big of a task but really great benefit. It keeps you away from bigger anxiety issues, and you fear less... if you lose your count and completely drop off your schedule, you can go back to those, when the time is right again... and count again, right all on paper, when you want to see, how you actually are doing. You can count your finances for months, can be for a week too. It can be an everyday schedule or you can divide it into working days and days off. Anyway you prefer, it's working, if you really think about it and live it. Another way to put this message through: it is not about doing it my way or anything but doing it in general, meaning - creating sheets about the most important areas in your lives about things that are essential for you also including things that are temporary as, say, to look at your progress in particular project or activity. The reason for doing it is this: you might evaluate things completely differently than the way they actually are and it's nobody's business to prove to you that you're wrong... You know guys, who can go for years in one and same place like stuck or circling. One of them knows, they go in stages (like a spiral) not circles (like 2D circles), others can't see that because all they know is to trust intuition... And to trust your guts (intuition) is awesome and needed, those are your natural instincts talking sense to you. But!! There is always this -but- :D I'm so sorry, so the life's "butt" is that intuition sometimes fails and only facts naked, cruel or not, just simple facts can lead you to a better solution than you used before and lead you out of your 2D circling problems... That's how so-called "blind spots" are crashed, of course!!! before crushing them, you have to notice them, they have to be revealed straight into your face and, when you start to see them, - that's already halfway done before getting free of them. So... please write those things: achievements, downfalls, spending, income, hours for work, hours to rest up, feelings you feel, places you want to go mentally, reminders, of who you are, doubts, insanities, confusion so on... please, write them. Myself, I use office sheets for this but whatever is working for you, just keep on doing it :) Ok and another area that needs to mention is exactly about mental/emotional development and building up the awareness of one's own self is journaling. Writing, recording audio, or even video - all possible formats are just as good. You can paint, you can dance, you can sculpt so on.. whatever works for you to get to actualize and understand, what is going on within you - that's the point of any form of journaling. To see yourself and to know you better, who you are, what you feel, what it looks like, and what you see around you. Believe me, you don't know most of the info you contain within... it's hard to know another person, so it's hard to know yourself too.... + think about what kind of capacity would you develop to understand another person, if you would really be well trained to do that for you. I think the benefits are enormous and still.... no one will get you as you can get yourself. ;) So all the best in the sexiest and most exciting journey you can ever find :) oh, and endless :D it can only end with yourself in the set, so even this crucial point is covered here.
P.s.: rereading and re-listening to your older journal entries is a super exercise too, you can also go to the public some of your creations and testimonies, this way you can get the opportunity to view them several times as well. I want to try to write about things we need to say to the people that we hurt. Often we even hurt others accidentally out of forgetfulness, inertia, arrogance, ignorance, wish to remain in our comfort zone, never experiencing pain or suffering, never changing our lives, and never even thinking to ask for forgiveness, or taking responsibility... Many reasons, and one outcome: hurt, tiredness, misunderstandings so on. So... I think until we can go and just live our lives further, letting those in power cut each-others throats f***ing finally, let's apologize to one another in a way that the other party would hear us out and understand our sorrow :) so they could find resources to forgive and open their heart to us again. To us and themselves. That is why it is so important to know these languages as well. If you know love languages already a bit and can speak your love language just as well as you can get along with the language of your partner, in the same way, you can learn, what is your and your partner's language of apology. I am not sure if it is possible to reach those, who already have fallen into this enormously crazy way of chess games over the world as if these territories would mean business rather than people, their lives, and stories. I am not sure, if that can be forgiven or after how long time it would be possible... Still, the best attempt we could make first is to make a step and say SORRY. For whatever reason, it works not less powerfully than saying "I LOVE YOU" in a way another person could understand :D As you can see this is languages of apologies by dr Gary Chapman, the same author as for love languages, so there can be many other ways of looking at things for sure but this one is still working and it shows. Although I am encouraging you to try different angles if you have time and energy for it. ALWAYS Once again, these 5 languages are different and if you only apologize in your own language, your loved one or a close friend, or a parent, a child might not notice it, not pay attention, and still feel hurt by you and this is biggest misunderstanding just like when you express your love and your loved one just can not get you, your message, she or he doesn't even notice you... Same here. So I put another image with the same 5 ways to say sorry down below, it might give some more clarity on how they differ:
There is a book about these 5 languages of apologies by Gary Chapman. You can read short version of it - here. And one of the most important things in close relationships is, of course:
(This YouTube video has options for subtitles in Lithuanian, Russian, German, and other languages in the settings) Ok, considering the latest events in the world (war in Ukraine) and still being in the search of my perfect lion image for FA attachment style, this entry will have bit another but related topic. We still need to go on even, if in lower amounts of the deal that we swore to keep caring for in this way we CERTAINLY will conquer this deadly ⚔️ horseman⚔️horsemen AGAIN and again and again✌️ The usually insecure relationship feels like a trap as if you would be tricked into some net you can't go out from... And you might blame one another for this or think of some theories, although it is simply known as an Anxious/Avoidant trap in attachment style theory. This trap exists between avoidants (dismissive avoidants DA - tinman people and fearful avoidants FA - lion people) and anxious attachment style AA (scarecrow people). Avoidants have a tendency to close up and withdraw, ghost, block, and leave the bond asap, anxious attachments have a tendency to run after someone, convince and try to fight them back no matter what. As you can see in the picture below the trap activates, when there is a threat to survival, realistic or not, those triggers from before - from childhood are alive... So... because some people wanted to see some same-sex couples :D and we have here a possibility to play that scenario, let's take a Tinman (DA)🤖and a Scarecrow (AA)🎃for this instance. What would happen between these two is somewhat like going in waves of: Honeymoon - Comfort zone & Stormy time - Danger zone in the diagram When the Tinman and a Scarecrow have a good, honey times all is ok and splendid, even most probably somewhat too good to be true and simply over the sky :P But then something might trigger one or the other they start a time of conflict. These two phases never end and repeat on and on, and it is exhausting and also addictive, so people might stay in it but will eventually be unhappy or they might end it sooner or later. Examples of conflict times trigger:
Result in SCENARIO 2: Tinman because of fear and despair of seeing a very hard future would be acting very capricious and pushes unrealistic blame and demands on the Scarecrow in this way creates the image of a Scarecrow to help them to see, they are disappointed and seriously upset. Scarecrow on the other hand would feel they won't ever reach those demands and never understand the egoistic capriciousness of the Tinman and that would tell them they will be left, abandoned. If you can't satisfy your partner, they would just leave and find someone, who can, right? So Scarecrow most probably will find somebody instead first as an affair to find relief to not feel this threat anymore, since they weren't doing anything wrong to a Tinman and just wished their participation in his/her new adventure/excitement, so they would not understand this toxic, manipulative behavior of their Tinman partner. Tinman would see this all and will be convinced he will be damaged in unimaginable ways and will withdraw, block, just end it and never come back to it (because their relationship trauma looks exactly like this). Leaving a Scarecrow to be completely broken in their new adventure and wishing the Tinman to come back for the rest of their life... well, for long :) really long time. You can see that kind of story in the short sci-fi movie ROBOT & SCARECROW 🎥, where is exactly shown, how people mistreated the robot and how the scarecrow is totally abandoned by them at the start and how it all ends up, no matter how both - scarecrow and the robot (aka tinman) are trying to be ok. Just another reminder to know that you can get your attachments with people to be more secure.
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This is my blog about self-knowledge, self-work, emotional healing, growth, psychology, philosophy in general and other related themes. Archives
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