Sometimes I get an idea from the Unbelievable Facts page on Facebook, and I really hope each time that those facts are real because not everything is checked on time and mistakes happen to everyone. Well, but... about the idea, the thought... The thought was that people's biggest fear turns out not to be the universal fear of death, as it seemed to me... it's the fear of failure; and realistically, it's not too long ago we didn't know how to fly, then quite fast we went to the Moon, now to Mars, and I'm sure those flights will get crazier with time... so if the death is not conquered yet, in my eyes, it's just another failure of humanity. FOR NOW... it's a shame that I won't be still living when it will be defeated like we once conquered the sky and the myth of Daedalus and Icarus became a reality with a happy ending.
OK, now jumping into a side topic: I used to have a hard time just living in the here and now, at this moment, this second....focusing on the life and not on the fatal dangers, that oops something will happen... ooh something will happen and that's it, I'll get sick again ... things will not turn out again, will be rejected and everything will go straight to the abyss again. I was just one of those people whose life went by the side when I concentrated on survival, in other words on those small percentages of reality that in this 21st century means death to an adult. Well, even during the rampage of covid those percentages were not impossible there if you weren't in the risk group and were properly protecting yourself, taking care of your health, etc. Well, what I learned in my first healing process, in coaching, was to live life, not to spin through surviving, which is constant stress... and scanning for dangers around, which leads to all kinds of overthinking and so on. Imagine how much energy you spend when you focus it on that 5% that goes to your worry that you will suddenly get sick, a brick from the roof or a satellite will fall on you, a bandit will come out and so on, there are n scenarios real and unreal, everyone has a few... the car will break down, a pedestrian will jump onto the road, etc etc... everyone will turn away... everyone will hate me, I will have no friends. EVERYONE!! :D Well, you know, what I mean. And yet, how productive does that energy become if you focus it on a 95% certainty that nothing fatal will happen to you every second or every day, that the air smells of flowers, and that the blood pulses in your veins? The quality of life turns upside down, and it becomes unrecognizable... and not because you won the lottery or met the prince/princess of your dreams... it all happens as security grows inside, as we rebuild it in us. Of course, those examples of insecurities were funny, isn't it? But most of us don't even know that we live in tension, very often people don't even think about it, they just don't understand why they don't succeed, why they can't quit smoking... why they don't prosper, why they don't finish university and all kinds of other 'whys'... why why why. This is because it is not safe to live, to be in general, energy is put into calming down to such an extent that other things become less and less attainable. After all, you need to calm down and ease your fears all the time (even if unconscious)...
Back... to Unbelievable Facts :D This fact about fear of failure blew my mind when I realized that I have a post-traumatic belief that I can't succeed at anything in life if I'm male... It's a post-traumatic thing because I'm transgender, and when I was brought up in the society I was accidentally born into, well, such things were taboo.. everything is just a body and that's it, well, deep down in prehistoric times, if people saw that the Sun revolves around the Earth in nature, then that meant the nature's law, right?... There was no knowledge (you can check out some biology facts down bellow of this article), no opportunities, no one listened or paid attention, or even you got bumps for "nonsense" or you were just funny... Well, without going much into it... the point is that only by not being myself, I could survive, and get something necessary like love, affection, attention, tenderness, and friendship with my environment anywhere: at home, at school, in the yard. That's why it's a post-traumatic thing, mentally I realize that I would be successful even if I was a stick or a ferret, but after building all these habits, everything that I learned while growing up, says inside, subconsciously, that I will succeed only by being this way, acting this way, and not otherwise... And again a person naturally puts all his energy into avoiding failure, even if he realizes in his mind that it is best to be who you are, not who you have learned to be, that the more you are yourself, the things will go better and feel better too, and so on. That's it... So then even if in coaching I learned to focus my energy on 95% and not 5% for survival in general; it's after rediscovering myself in terms of gender... it took me another healing connection to get back to that 95% (only this time about success) and not hang around in the poor 5%... which unfortunately is normal for many men and women... Many fear failure in being a man in areas like:
- so as not to be rejected by women (or a man)
- to be able to have enough resources
- to leave behind something valuable, some legacy
- to understand, to grasp what your life mission is
- to be decent, but also relaxed
and so much more concerns so many of us
Just like women are afraid of it... And our energy turns to that 5%... And in reality, everyone knows perfectly well the best ways, the simplest approach... the most acceptable behavior, and the deepest passion for oneself... this is natural for everyone without exclusion. This thing in healing can be also called rewiring. When what was wired for survival (or avoiding failure) can now be unplugged and rewired for thriving (or success). That's when the opinion of others becomes... like an advisor, but by no means a judge. Well, that opinion becomes something that helps to achieve even more... than to warn of all mortal dangers, when they are almost non-existent for an adult. Because you can do anything in adulthood, if you can't do something, you can agree with someone, who can, and you can also get anything, that you don't have, and if you can't get it, you watch others getting it and repeat it, etc. Well, yeah... that's it, that's all on this :)
🏳️ I wish you safety above all... Freedom itself will catch you when you become safer :P and not the other way around. 🏳️
Here you can find information about the biological part of being transgender, which is unheard of for most:
And some links to info in text format:
3) Wikipedia link to various related studies
4) Several links to the PUBMED (United States National Library of Medicine) website:
- A sex difference in the human brain and its relation to transsexuality
- A sex difference in the hypothalamic uncinate nucleus: relationship to gender identity
- Male-to-female transsexuals have female neuron numbers in a limbic nucleus
- Regional gray matter variation in male-to-female transsexualism
- White matter microstructure in female to male transsexuals before cross-sex hormonal treatment. A diffusion tensor imaging study
This is my blog about self-knowledge, self-work, emotional healing, growth, psychology, philosophy in general and other related themes.