Here I present mostly just a summary of one course I attended that was provided for co-dependent people. What I took from there is somewhat of the map of where I want to go in my life (or art of life, if that's your way of looking at it), what directions to hold... what daily tasks to do, how to manage emotional ok state, how to enable these things all in general and so on. Course is repeatedly provided by Richard Grannon and they are moving their website to new address or similar, so atm you can find him on YouTube or Telegram, if interested. Ok, so why it is important to sort a know, what you're up in life and why?? - meaning, what directions - values, virtues in you are moving you towards creating your goals, wishes, visions, dreams, you life style? Well... because there are too many lost people... too many people that are worshiping someone just because they can't have their own selves built-up.. It's a mess, people envy, people blame, people get blinded by emotions... people get totally dead by rationalisation, you see that type of people think, if you're not acceptably ethical, you must be a thug by default... That's their value :D "behave or I'll put you in your place"... no vision, no direction, just pompastic, blown up ME - childish ego. Also there are plenty of virtue signalling - that is, when people laugh about virtues, portraying them as archaic something that no one ever can or should hold on to... Yeah, I get it, you're young, you don't care, you know all and that "all" is everything that's most trendy AT THIS DAY, like no history was made before and as, if no history will come after TODAY.. and there can't be much of the blame here, I think. It's just that inability to actually clarify your own, crystallized virtues and have some sort a system or matrix of it makes you signal them.... To follow a virtue makes anyone seem as more moral and good or smthing, it makes them to be clear, straight and disciplined and that on the outside seems like good and moral thing to be for others... therefor people, who can't or don't want to work out their own values, they signal them: here I support equality, here I support freedom of speech, here I support spider men, here I support logic. Whatever comes, where ever wind blows. And again even, if you have strong basis, you might seem just as populistic as I described now... why? Cause you don't really care much about virtue fashion, it changes but so does your own system, so why not to align a bit, right? Like, if you already know yours, why not to be curious about, what system of virtues is ongoing in today's world in general.... Don't get fooled: one person is blown by wind, since he/she doesn't have their own matrix, the other person rides wind of changes out of curiosity, since they have their own system... it's more of the fun to ride it :D it's not populistic, people pleasing stuff. Why not to gain some experience from outside world, being stuck isn't very refreshing, isn't it?... just like not having own roots isn't very fun ride at all, more of kamikaze - in action. So how the virtue looks like? There are plenty ok, good lists of those online or in books, in our heads in our every day conversations too. You can find some here or here or here too, so on. So these might be your directions in life, you can see, how your life decisions or everyday tasks and behaviour is really driven by these :D amazing discoveries, when you see it in action and actually recognise how it all is aligned in harmony. That's the way out of matrix you hate so much, that outside matrix that tells you about, what you need to do, why... what you can't do and why.. No, this is you, your own choices and realisations, your own way, own Your-self, not the self of the others they need you to be, so.. no one else controls you just as you can't control them, not really. After finding directions you can build up some sort of areas that are important for you: relationships, carer, finances, leisure, physical health, mental health, hobbies, spiritual health, education, world views, so on. Then you can attach your main goals onto those main areas, that you are active in. Example: CAREER - I want to get my first job by my profession or I want to get better position at my job; RELATIONSHIPS - I want to go with my spouse to relationship council and/or on vacation trip; my goal in HEALTH is to reach my optimal weight or/and to build up biceps, so on. Something like this: In the second image (2) you can also find some other aspects than directions - virtues, these aspects are about: - How reaching each of these goals would make you feel, - How your body sensations would be, when reaching your goals, - What obstacles and personal blockages you need to overcome in mowing towards your goals. You can also build another type of visualisation about how it would feel or sense after reaching them - goals (image 3). These tasks helps you to not only understand but feel, transfer you into that time, when you already reached your destination, and that creates greater motivation, proof of your attempts being realistic. After building that greater picture and directions and all, you can start to turn back to your everyday. Then you can build up small tasks for each day to hit that would slowly but steady lead to your goals, and minimum tasks you allow your-self to be ok with (not to get scared, overwhelmed and then paralyzed by bigger stuff) :) An example: And I'm not sure, but it might be enough for this time, I would go for more details and/or for emotional health maintaining exercise in another entry. These I mentioned above, were mostly about building up the big picture to hold on too and to refresh, when time comes or by a need. You don't have to put self into an "army forces" everyday, but sometimes that is exactly, what's best... Up to you; your style of maintaining your ways to go for your life, to chase it and to let it create your personality are the best choices to make, just as Your-self - is best choice you make in every second. Don't give up the path and go through the challenges you meet, world would be a boredom without these. :) Let's fcking build it - our lifes!! 🧱
kisses and all 💋 Ou.. maybe this video too about how to maaaaagically turn from the abusive situations, - so called drama (or Karpman) triangle, into empowerment situations: MAGIC IN ACTION 🪄🪄🪄
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So.... after finishing adventures of black sheep and a scapegoat (or at least it's some shorter or longer time pause for now)... I want to talk about boundaries. Previously in the first (after a few year pause) spontaneous blog entry about relationships I wrote on needs and preferences in bonding, everyone could have their preferences verbalized just to be more clear, about what they are looking for and what would be surely a way to a good connection. So now... I have a strong need to go for boundaries... This is somewhat, maybe an opposite thing but mostly is about the same... Needs are about, what you want and boundaries are about, what you don't want. Because some things, if they are crossed, people can be hurt in ways that are either not repairable or it would take a super long time and super heavy efforts, so sometimes it's just better to let go... And most of all it is also better to be aware, you have those boundaries and even more better 🙌 - to verbalize them. Just my opinion but I think these things could ease so much of the burden and misunderstandings that relationships bare within... They evoke our bond with our parents: every tiny traumatic experience will let you know, how fcked up you and your wounds are... not to mention, that your partner/friend will have that precious opening and hurt all the way too... so you can't turn somewhere much, this all is your to care and to heal and to verbalize it. So.... less fog (even, if it's pink and rosy :D) and confusion - at the start, the better outcome - in the longer run. That's the recipe I try to write down here, take it or not - up to you. Here are my own rough, raw put boundaries... I'm fully aware we all meet wonderful people and it's no end to it until we are alive. Still... if the connection with my partner is real and mature enough, meeting walking wonders ✨ can make some temporary soul wondering, maybe even body rush but... it's never serious or not serious enough and eventually, it becomes something else: a lesson, a friendship, a working project, a joy of meeting someone great. And personally, I wouldn't accept breaking these below, or at least not 3-4 times in a row without any signs of change:
There are also love, acceptance, respect, and empathy... these must be (in every bond actually, can't imagine anything without). I'm still learning them... It is hard art.. patience and courage help, maybe. I'm not sure but let's find out on the way :) And this is how you look and think when your boundaries are intact and your preferences aren't shattered... :D almost like Frank Sinatra... just more open, another time - another fashion. I would also recommend very very very much this channel on YouTube: Psych2Go - super easy understandable content, cutest ever drawings - like sprouted plants 🌱, important topics (love, life, and s**t), many videos to choose from... mmm... one of my favorites next to the morning cup or on a short break. Hey, another week - another topic in the narcissistic kingdom. This time about, how narcs tend to behave in relationships, it's usually some repetitive cycle that goes on and on. Today's terms: Narcissistic Hoovering and Grey Rock Method. Definition by Psychology Today: "Narcissistic hoovering refers to attempts made by the narcissist to bring you back into their life – often after a period of distance on your part" Definition by Medicine Net: "Hoovering is done by a “narcissistic person” when they think the victim or the person who they abuse or control is seeking to move away." Synonym: sucking someone back into the relationship. Definition by Medical News Today: "The grey rock method involves communicating in an uninteresting way when interacting with abusive or manipulative people." Definition by Healthline: "This strategy involves becoming the most boring and uninteresting person you can be when interacting with a manipulative person." Synonym: non-responsive, boring, and virtually acts like a rock. First, I would want to show that cycle that narcissistic people go on and on with anyone... It's never different and it's always repeating. I guess something similar to this cycle also exists in the usual couple's life but not as sharp and unbearable as in a narcissistic bond. Of course, it's worth mentioning that narcissistic people hardly hook up with people, who don't have narcissistic wounds in them... simply because neither narcs are interested in them (they don't shine so bright, they are just too boring to a narc) nor those people are interested in the narcissist, usually they seem too intimidating to those people, to shiny and extraordinary. Narcissists choose people or are chosen by people, who also lack self-esteem and self-love but they might have covert narcissism, well, not that grandiose, god alike exposure and dominance, rather the opposite - always anxious, unsure but deep down knowing they are the best and most sensitive people anyone can find, it's just that no one sees it and! no one can... since that is sort a secret to not reveal an another "secret" that is narcissistic wound: they lack basic capability to soothe themselves and be just ok as they are... They always - not enough, so overt (classic grandiose) narc seems as a perfect "another side of the apple" to them... Although overt narcs just play that "god's role" to cover the same wound covert narcs have: they never ever feel enough as they are in their mind, and heart. Here is quite an easy and clear text on narcissistic injury and healing. (stated statistics in this text about male narcissism being more widely spread than in women are a bit out of date, at the present, there are some sources, that the distribution is approaching 50/50 of the diagnosed cases between the sexes and also it's important to mention that people with healthy expressed narcissism may end up in a relationship with seriously narcissistic people). Anyway, going back to that cycle you will get into if you have some narc wound from your upbringing looks like this: Definition of Triangulation by Wikipedia here, and in few words it's a situation, where you are dragged into triangle, where narcissist tries to portray you as an abuser to that third person and manipulate you this way. Smear Campaign often is performed by Flying Monkeys of the narcissist Yeah, that's how an actual Star Wars begin :D since everyone, who is narcissistically injured in their upbringing is obviously grandiose star or star that hesitates to be that grandiose but they still are that, just secretly hidden :D So, we can go back to our guys now black-sheep and scapegoat: As you see, they met a Dart Veider innocently hoovering his room or, say, he wants MOST PROBABLY to hoover back that hard to get rock guy and... well... they have a talk about it. Sheep says this dude Dart Veider tries to hoover back will probably be ok, and it's true, if you are dealing with narcissistic people best ways to deal with them are: no contact or grey rock method.
Grey Rock method in my opinion is similar to no contact but it goes about no contact with your inner self, emotional world. No contact is you withdrawing whole of your-self, grey rock method - you withdrawing your inner, emotional world and remain in contact but more of as an radio: no emotions, plain answers, no initiation of a conversation, no further hooks for discussion, nothing, plain, cold, not emotional, boringly numb as a rock... And that's it. Oh, right :D not to mention to mess it all up: narcissistically injured people very often like to play the biggest victims in the room and ghost people or appear in acting out the grey rock method with their prays just to convince everyone and them-selves that they are abused and no one else. Mostly it's about not letting go of all possible power and love, since that is everything that they didn't get in their childhood and will take and hold in all ways possible and known to them... Not because they don't want ok relationships with you, just because they don't know, how to do it, and first and biggest need to them is to remain and hold on to those things they never had rather than be ok with themselves as they are and then with you too. Best wishes to understand, what's going on and leave people to heal their narcissistic wounds, since that isn't your duty to do it for them, it's theirs. And to all of those, who have this kind of wound... Please, try a therapy or self-knowledge at least, don't be afraid to feel as you really feel about your-self and your life, go through it... and eventually you will find ways to regain ok self-love and a power given to all of us just the way we are, because we are the way we are. "EVERY PERSON IS BORN WITH A SEED OF GREATNESS", - (Myles Munroe) + And you can't escape that .... unless you wish to run from your greatness or pretend you have way more of it than you do :) it's your choice. Blog posts are edited and some additional info put in over the time not to be very surprised about changes in texts while reviewing older posts. Hello, today's topic is about the narcissistic way of socialising, so we could take a few terms to talk about. Today those terms are Word Salad, Kernel of Truth, also borderline disorder can be touched but it's the secondary focus for me here. So then... Definitions by Wikipedia for Word Salad: A word salad [...] is a "confused or unintelligible mixture of seemingly random words and phrases". [...] The words may or may not be grammatically correct, but are semantically confused to the point that the listener cannot extract any meaning from them. Definitions by Oxford Languages for Word Salad: a confused or unintelligible mixture of seemingly random words and phrases. Synonym: gibberish, incoherency. Definition by APA Dictionary of Psychology for Kernel of Truth: the idea that stereotypes, despite being exaggerated generalizations about a group of diverse individuals, sometimes contain elements that accurately describe the qualities of the stereotyped group.Definition by Saylor Academy for Kernel of Truth: a stereotype is a generalized belief about the qualities or characteristics of a particular group of people. Synonym: a fragment, a hint. Also, borderline rage moments could be mentioned here but... that's another issue and I am not a big fan of pathologizing people's behaviour in any way, so maybe I pass on this. To tell it straight and shortly for me Word Salad is when someone just has this.. sort of fluent and repetitive way of talking in a way that actually says nothing much. You can call it small talk, you can call it an extravert feature, you can call it an ice-breaker but sometimes it can be a narcissist's way to gaslight their conversation partner. Again, I guess, some people just copy that from their guardian's behaviour and that really can be just a part of their tools for communication. How would you know, if it's used for the wrong reasons? You can know if it doesn't change for a long time if the person can't lose it and turn the conversation another way, where it can start to have an actual meaning... And also, if your relationship with that word salad serving person never changes, if he/she remains the same, serving the same salad, never planning, never showing some more solid moves towards you. Especially in relationship building beginning or similar people might get nervous, anxious and unsure, so things might get messy but it shouldn't bring you into endless spirals of this verbal defensiveness out of nervousness, if you try to support and care and it's obvious or you are simply straight and telling, you are ok to build something together. this has to help that person to relax if he/she can't relax and start being more clear and also hearing you out and inviting you to join into dialogue... that might be an issue. It also might be a copy of a person's parents' or guardians' behaviour and if that person copied it very very early in their infanthood, it might stay with them. In this case, I just wish that someone would be ok with this type of expression, it's erratic, eccentric, and aimless. It's never personally against anyone, just some people are more eccentric, others - less, some like eccentric, some don't, seems fair enough. So here, I guess, I have best wishes to find you, eccentric someone, if you like that :D or ordinary someone, if that's "the wheels" that you prefer; also be aware, if you're into trouble with someone, who can't really control themselves and you will need to do that for them or they just need some continuous, repetitive signs of acceptance and reassurance of your presents. Even most nervous and anxious people simply calm down, if there is a guarantee they won't be dumped as another garbage piece out of somebody's life. You know it, everyone does. We just forget... life's busy, everyone runs and roses are left without smelling them. :/ Ok, on Kernel of Truth for me it's when a person hooks you up with some fragments or hints of something or someone and you start wondering, how it is for real... since it's often mixed with some dubious or foggy facts too. With Words Salad I tend to wait until the person starts to feel calm enough to reveal themselves, with Kernel of Truth I tend to wait too... since time can show off the real face of a person's interests and knowledge. Again this might occur at the start of knowing each other, a person might wish to understand, what they have similar to you, what are your opinions on some groups, where you stand your-self in social ways in politics, sexuality, finances, hobbies, activities, psychologically, so on. So often they might be really not clear, while they themselves are trying to understand, where you stand yourself :D and then plenty of misunderstandings appear... But steadily and slowly it clears out. Again, this defensiveness might come from someone, who has this toxicity against some groups of people and simply is prejudiced and wants to find either similar people or anyone to brainwash into prejudice... Best wishes to stay patient with a hint of wisdom and look closer at each one, you might evaluate as intolerant... Ah yes, also it might come exactly from the family they grew up in, they might have been integrated prejudice against people like themselves. I talk a lot about these guys: Blacksheep and scapegoat being pushed and targeted constantly, but mainly... they got it in their childhood and mainly they don't like themselves so much not because they chose so, they don't like something about them but because that was basic rule no one could touch ever. It was about some particular features being even considered to be ever ok or even too gross to talk about it... So now deep down inside stayed the same - disliking, hating it in them, going to fight for those qualities to be accepted and failing again... It's not outside already, it's deep inside... And it's still learned, so this disliking and hating can be dismantled and changed :) BEST NEWS so far :D Since about some features I am black-sheep/scapegoat too but slowly learning to dismantle self-hatred and :) it feels amazing to do so. Best luck to all 🌐💮🤍💮 🌐 Pain au chocolat (from French) - one of the most famous chocolate pastry in France Here are also some words' and stuff mixed for illustration from Youtube's crafts: Celebrities Go to a Fancy Restaurant ಠ_ಠ
Hello, so one way or the other happy New Year to all :D And hopefully, we all come back to healthier lifestyles after this marathon of some festive domestic variable gluttony :) And today's topic is a variety of narcissistic behaviour or, say, another term to describe - Flying Monkeys. Definition by Wikipedia: Flying Monkeys is a phrase sometimes used in popular psychology to describe people who are acting at the behest of another to control a targeted individual. It is a metaphor taken from the Wizard of Oz wherein the Wicked Witch of the West used winged monkeys to carry out evil deeds on her behalf. Definition by a Conscious Rethink: Flying Monkeys is a term used in psychology to describe the sycophantic hangers-on who usually orbit around narcissists, and support/defend everything they do. Synonym: quick addiction So in another word, shortly put Flying Monkeys are people, who are brainwashed by narcissists to attack their targeted person or a group. The more Flying Monkeys someone has, the better and more powerful attack they can create against someone. Why do ad exactly this to the scapegoat's and black sheep's adventures? Well, again these people were brainwashed a long time ago while being children, so they are perfect people to be brainwashed again and since they do it themselves in profound ways already, that's the behaviour, they needed to integrate for themselves, that's what became "every day's normal". So I wouldn't claim that exactly but I think, especially when a bit lower in life scapegoats would quite easily and effectively become Flying Monkeys for someone. Obviously, they could become the targeted person easily as well, since that is, what they integrated inside their psyche too - being the very obvious, tasty and really magnetic person for targeting. Might be they can appear as a narcissist as well but that isn't very likely, since they are more about being a doormat for someone than an almighty blown-up genie. Although that might happen, when they are on a good wave in their life, since being a doormat or blown up genie are the only ways they knew, so.. if they aren't in their usual role, so then - the opposite. So, again, if the narcissist knows how to convince someone that they deserve good behaviour with them (which scapegoats never had or rarely, so they crave it as water itself) and that they are a righteous and good person for defending good deeds, I have no doubts that would 100% create excellent flying monkey out of a casual person, who grew up in a scapegoat's role. One way or another that's how Flying Monkeys work and sometimes, IMHO, you can see this process being applied countrywide... nations wide... How many of us see some country like for example America and what was done to Syria and we can't understand, what on Earth leads people to do those things to other people? And why we are even able to do those things we do sometimes? Because we want security and to belong to someone, something bigger than us? Something, someone, who could care for us and would clearly state to us that we belong? And then we smash entire humanity in us just to have that belonging.... every kindness just for some drops of safety... We cross the line and lose our ground, we don't hear our hearts and that safety we needed vanishes as it has never been here ever... never, ever? never ever. Sounds like an exercise of balancing has to be done in better sequence to achieve more healthy interdependency with ourselves and the surroundings, neither sharpened egocentrism nor hyper altruism has done something good for no one. So best wishes to watch out and stay out of invitations to hunt a person or a group of people for any reason, since these are always somewhat suspicious in the first place with remaining in good shape and ability to defend you and people of your close circle. Patience and intelligent wishes for 2022!
Hello, all the different ones :) How are you doing these days just before the 2022 New Year hits our doorsteps? Another piece and another topic: GASLIGHTING. Definition by Wikipedia: Gaslighting is a colloquialism, loosely defined as making someone question their own reality. By Wiktionary: To gaslight - to mislead someone such that they doubt their own memory, perceptions, or sanity. Synonym: head-game Another description by the very well-mind: Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that occurs in abusive relationships. It is an insidious and sometimes covert type of emotional abuse where the bully or abuser makes the target question their judgments and reality. Ultimately, the victim of gaslighting starts to wonder if they are losing their sanity So shortly it's some sort of a tactic that is going on a long term to make someone question their own reality and sanity to become an easy target for wanted manipulation. Why it is put together with a scapegoat/black sheep mindset? Easy: it's because these kids had to believe they are less just because of no reason, really... They are less than others, they must know that the only way to gain some personal power is to make others believe they are less just because of no reason. Diluted self-worth, self-empowerment, self-love, and self-respect. You can't just simply be, who you really are and be ok with that, being valued, empowered, loved, and respected for who you simply are. The person that you really are can't be worth, loved, respected, and have personal human power, it can't be so and there are no particular reasons for it, so you can't really do anything as well... You are doomed, cursed and you will remain like this until you die, serving, obeying, following, and worshipping others or becoming a tyrant, villain, authoritarian, or dictator. That are only two options for scapegoats/black sheep in the family and kids after growing up repeat these paths throughout their life and pass them on to their own children. It is rarely done to anyone in extremely 100% ways but it can be done about their abilities to succeed in school, succeed in sports, or about their sexuality, their social gender roles, gender identities, race, political views, ability to be financially successful, being practical, being creative and other ways. A lot of times it's done because parents and other people, who help raise children don't know, why a child is different: dyslexic, dysphoric, lefthanded, you name it, it might be because of the social environment they are in like it was Soviets, homosexuality was a crime, lesbian, transgenders and other LGBT people simply didn't "exist".. Lefthanded were burned in middle ages, dyslexic people aren't understood often too, so on. Very often this abuse children get is simply because political and social place their parents live in and have to follow. And that is the point, where healthy individualism might end... simply because every piece of something bigger might change that bigger picture, parents need support just as they need good confrontation about their parenthood to remain balanced and able to withstand the sickness of our society in general, not passing it to their children. It's a job of the titans and parents really need good support while doing it. It's not about parenting and family being an untouchable taboo and it's not about setting every mistake of the parents to be crucial and taking away their children by some third party - both ways are damaging future of humanity... parents mostly always are best people to raise their children but it can be left without any questioning, no questioning strategy creates cult culture and nothing else. As an example of how people can fall into a rabbit hole of false belief systems:
And anyway, who could really blame either S.Freud or Meredite Maran, if you could step into their shoes. The term GASLIGHTING is derived from the 1944 film Gaslight, which is a story about a husband who uses trickery to convince his wife that she is mentally unwell to steal from her.
Have a nice evening with your home cinema stuff and stay safe, not only physically. :) Not to forget: Gaslighting is not necessarily malicious or intentional, although in some cases it is. Also worth mentioning: while a person's belief system changes into a more realistic and accurate one it might seem just as gaslighting too, at least at the start, be aware not to attack someone, who is making a titan's work for your own good. Hi there everyone, who seems like being different :D more or less. So what is Stockholm syndrome and how it got its name! what it has to do with scapegoating child, while he/she is already adult? Stockholm syndrome - feelings of trust or affection felt in many cases of kidnapping or hostage-taking by a victim towards a captor. (Definitions from Oxford Languages) It's when a person feels affection, empathy, falls in love, adores his/her abuser and defends him/her because of their more humane and sensitive traits, although abuser keeps being an abuser. It's a real victim's mentality, masochism. It could be done just like in BDSM - by an agreement but! again, this is more about even greater safety and trust as in casual, easy relationship with someone. Because, if you asking to play sado-maso roles with someone, you must have seriously strong safety and trust within that bond. Usually though, it's pretty simple, one is really an abuser and the other is really a victim in such a dynamics. Name of this syndrome appeared in one bank robbery accident, when robbers held some hostages and after police got the criminals, their hostages after all the dramas and emotional turbulence were defending robbers and were emotionally bond to them. You can read it here - Norrmalmstorg robbery (1973) or watch it film about it - Norrmalmstorg, whatever is more easy to do for you. What it has to do with grown up kids that where forced into scapegoat's role in their families? They got used to that particular dynamics, where you are either a bully or a bullied, so that is their used "normal" situation to be in. That means that even though we live in society that doesn't promote that kind of behaviour but if you got used to it from very early age, you might unconsciously be comfortable with it and step into your used roles. Not by your conscious choice but like, if you "wouldn't control it". So scapegoats, if they don't work on their habitual behaviour would seek to be abused or to abuse, depends on the degree they got pushed that dynamics on them in their early age. It's very hard to unlearn it: to understand that you have same worth and power as anyone else and also! anyone else have same worth and power as humans, just same worth and power as your-self, yes, just because they are here, living their lives same as you do. Same amount lovable and respectable. It doesn't mean that people are same in everyway, one knows one thing better, the other does another thing more great, some become criminals, some isolate them-selves, we vary, but fundamentally we don't. This distorted hierarchy in dysfunctional families make kids to believe that some people are better fundamentally than others and the only way to become better is to grow up and make other to believe they are worse fundamentally too (just a copied behaviour of their dysfunctional parents).. And so this creepy chain continues. So.... I really like Sweden and all but let's break the chain, shell we? Uhm, one more thing to mention is why black sheep and scapegoat are the product of the same abuse, and both roles are put onto the same person/kid. So first of all you need to become an easy target, you need to look and behave in a way, everyone would say, you don't have usual neurotypical behavior, but rather extraordinary, exotic, special, different. Yes, and when you already became a visible, clear target for alienation, you just will be an outcast, the communal sacrifice to carry away sins of the community, ostracized and then either won't survive or find some piece only among similar ostracized folks. That's, what holds this cycle of being: a target & an outcast, and it hardly ends this cycle .. but it can be broken down gradually, step by step, carefully but without stopping. After all, we all know, no matter how exclusive or excluded a particular group of people may be, the same cruel processes occur in it those groups too. Shortly put - let us not be left rolling the same old songs as some broken record players. And yeah, I guess, it's best not to worry too much since everyone has at least something that makes them extraordinary, science says it can't be possible for 2 identical people to be born before, now or ever, we just all are extraordinary :D each of us, maybe it's boring but the truth, stay special :D !! And don't go disguised as a black sheep to the Stockholm (syndrome). They gonna simply crucify you there (Legend of Jesus is a perfect example of black sheep/scapegoat dynamics). (Stockholm syndrome has never been included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders or DSM) And here is for ears: Muse - Stockholm Syndrome 🎶🎶🎶
Fourth and the last one in the row: Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style (acronym - FA) The fearful king of a jungle - lion... ok, so.
In the land of Oz FA for me is the lion. The quite interesting thing is, FAs while being soooo impressive and exciting.. actually don't have much courage... especially, when it's about being vulnerable. They can't trust you, themselves, and no one but they seem to be someone, who you never ever would want to mess with, like! They fear to open up or to be authentic and sensitive in outstanding, fighting, and other ways. As a lion, who is the king of the jungle... and yet in the land of Oz he doesn't have courage. Such a paradox and contrast, that's a FA world - paradoxical, they want the good bond so desperately and are so seriously incapable to create that for them... :/ There are about 5% of FA in the Western population. If anyone ever saw movies like Life Is Beautiful you will know, what it is like to be a FA. Father in that movie can create an image that even in a death camp life isn't that bad, he does it to comfort his son. That is exactly, what FAs can do in every situation, it might be paradoxical that everyone could just drop their pants and run, but FA is mostly amazing in situations that are burning with danger and risk... their life is like that simply every and each day, they are trained to face the insanity and sickness with open mind and heart. The insanity of mistrust and disbelief, and brutal cruel corrupt sickness of the people, who will sell their own soul, if that is profitable at the time given while playing on emotions of stressed people. FAs are seeing every possible bull**it through almost instantly and will point it out without asking permission for it. That's the most badass of all the 4 styles, although... the tragedy here is that exact tiredness they have with facing survival - the HORROR state in their mind every second and needing ages to rest up, to withdraw... so these people are those, who like endings.. since the ending is a promise to rest up a bit from craziness they needed to face from the very early age and still... have to run it every day. Before judging a FA, let's have some empathy, this attachment style needs it the most.
people can change their attachment style ✌️ Ok, going back to attachment styles among adults... First in a row: Secure attachment style (acronym - SA): I am not sure, what to tell much about this attachment style:
Not sure, what else to ad here:
In the land of Oz :) for me Secure Attachment Icon is Dorothy: this person has a heart, has brains, can be vulnerable (has courage) and is secure (person feels at home)... so... I just found this meme and then, let us pray🙏(and don't even think on push on the Dorothy pic, you sacrilegious person! :D) for to become and stay within this frame of saint and cozy security :D but to be honest and a bit more serious... This - attachment style theory, - really might be one of the keys to your ok bonding with the partner and other people, you love. Even with you! Yourself... within, since it's much more effective and fair to work on it and build it from within than wait until someone will "make you whole"... try it :} it's worth it. (Other securely attached people might help, especially attachments therapists) I would like to mention Esther Perel and her work about exact desire in couples. Secure people don't have a pink dream about not hurting/not being hurt... And sticking together forever, never let go holding hands or being in a very distant, very busy bond, where you spend one romantic evening each week and that's all... I mean, at least for me hurt and abandonment, also not being free and uniquely I am big topics, and balancing and surfing in these opposites is a crucial thing to do. I really appreciate Esther's work. There are a lot of resources on attachment styles in English. You can find some in my blog too, like here for example.
Third in a row: Anxious preoccupied attachment style (acronym - AA): Scarecrow character, is someone loose with no strong boundaries, a bit brainless... Hm, a bit worried, but always worried about something :D I know this guy really well, since my own attachment style was exactly that :D, well, before starting to work on my attachments, now it's a bit different (although, you never know until practicing it).
BTW Stephen King wrote "The Green Mile" based on a real event... a chilling, horrifying event, don't push the link, if you can't handle the cruelty of people - the story is here. I also humorously use an acronym for this style - AA (anxiously attached) in comparison to another group or community of people, who have the same acronym AA... Anxious Attachment style feels like some addiction to run after your "drug" when she/he withdraws, ghosts you, or just disappears entirely with or without warning... And you become activated then and run after to fight her/him back from real or not real "enemies". I will be writing more on this soon, it's called the anxious-avoidant trap.
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This is my blog about self-knowledge, self-work, emotional healing, growth, psychology, philosophy in general and other related themes. Archives
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