In pervious blog entry I wrote about ways to work on your relationships. One of the my most preferable way to do it is to study and understand Attachment Theory. I found few groups in Facebook for it, also few friends, who are more advance in this topic and with a time, laughing at memes and reading people' discussions I slowly got into some attachment quizzes.
How do you know, what type are you in connecting with others, how to recognise it in you/your behaviour. I never could define it for me without tests and quizzes, so I recommend to just step on it and try these:
And again, after you will get your results, let’s keep in playful, shell we?
I want to talk about Land of Oz now :D And how watching 1939 movie about it reminded me exactly about attachment styles and how every main characters kind a represents each of styles:
Dorothy – Secure attachment style SA
Tin-man – Dismissive avoidant style DA
Scarecrow – Anxious preoccupied style AA
Lion – Fearful avoidant type FA
(Initially I watched that movie to understand, where psychology term 'Flying Monkeys' came from)
Here it’s some easy meme on it
And let’s talk about this comparison.
Dorothy even though, she is not herself atm and is hallucinating some fantasy land, she seems to bond easily, is soft in talking her needs and boundaries, knows her autonomy and can feel just fine depending on others. Maybe bit boring and not so interesting and specially exclusive, she really seems OK there. All in place, bit boring, no big surprises - just as securely attached folks, can't say, why they just easy to talk to, although not invasive, almost invisible but you come back to them anyway. There are no movies about these because it would be too boring, too quiet, easy and simple :D By statistics about 50% of people in the Western world have secure attachment style.
Tin-man is exclusive… He’s rusty and can’t feel.. Seems like his body and soul are… ether not accessible or hardly translated to himself. He seems calm and stable but not flexible and secure. His body sensation and feeling are unknown/too far for him. No heart. Just as dismissive avoidants are very much depending on their intelligence and cant’ get into emotional sector in intimacy, it scares them. Is it like platonic or business alike love with some long, ongoing discussions here and there? About 25% of people are dismissively attached in the West.
Scarecrow is special too, you can tell. He’s like spineless, boundary-less… not trustworthy, insane a bit? Seems like he can’t think is chaotic, even his body can’t listen to himself. He is friendly and easy to bond, but no trust and stability is in this creature. His not conscious much and have no capacity to be OK with his body. No brain. Just as anxious preoccupied depends on mostly emotional side of connection, can’t get into mental sector in intimacy, it makes them anxious. Simply put: an Italian family with a lot of drama on and on or just a romantic comedy non stop. Anxiously attached in the West - about 20% of population.
Lion – super special… animal king with no courage to be that. Completely insecure with super strong facade though for covering it up. He seems to be mixture of both – tin-man and scarecrow in one… neither he’s OK with his feelings or thoughts… no capacity to deal sensation whatsoever and can’t be gentle with his royal body too. He needs to be cared of but can’t deal with it since, it seems to insecure too.. No heart/brain <–> No courage. Just like fearful avoidants are mostly depending on their own safety and can't get into intimacy or very shortly, with great distance or a clear promise to end it. Here you can remember extremely romantic stories with super tragic endings or generous, heroic withdrawals from relationships for “higher reasons” or "higher good"? Or maybe can be similar to action movies with some love intrigue? Extremely charming bad guys/girls with ability to shine briefly and bright, when disaster strikes or they meet even more badass people around. We have about 5% of disorganized attached in the Western world.
According to statistics at least USA counts about 50% of marriages that end up with divorces... This does not necessarily directly correlate with the statistics of attachment styles spread... Anyway :) nobody gets hurt by better and more conscious relationships, where warmth prevails, well, sometimes maybe some more heated sparkle appears :D Good luck
Don’t forget to not get discouraged :) by your quiz's results, it’s way better to know things than to live in denial of self-righteousness. It’s not your skin tone, you can change your attachments, if needed.
Best luck and.... you will find your way over the rainbow :) promise
Blog posts are edited and some additional info put in over the time not to be very surprised about changes in texts while reviewing older posts.
This is my blog about self-knowledge, self-work, emotional healing, growth, psychology, philosophy in general and other related themes.