Hi there everyone, who seems like being different :D more or less.
So what is Stockholm syndrome and how it got its name! what it has to do with scapegoating child, while he/she is already adult?
Stockholm syndrome - feelings of trust or affection felt in many cases of kidnapping or hostage-taking by a victim towards a captor. (Definitions from Oxford Languages)
It's when a person feels affection, empathy, falls in love, adores his/her abuser and defends him/her because of their more humane and sensitive traits, although abuser keeps being an abuser. It's a real victim's mentality, masochism. It could be done just like in BDSM - by an agreement but! again, this is more about even greater safety and trust as in casual, easy relationship with someone. Because, if you asking to play sado-maso roles with someone, you must have seriously strong safety and trust within that bond. Usually though, it's pretty simple, one is really an abuser and the other is really a victim in such a dynamics.
Name of this syndrome appeared in one bank robbery accident, when robbers held some hostages and after police got the criminals, their hostages after all the dramas and emotional turbulence were defending robbers and were emotionally bond to them. You can read it here - Norrmalmstorg robbery (1973) or watch it film about it - Norrmalmstorg, whatever is more easy to do for you.
What it has to do with grown up kids that where forced into scapegoat's role in their families? They got used to that particular dynamics, where you are either a bully or a bullied, so that is their used "normal" situation to be in. That means that even though we live in society that doesn't promote that kind of behaviour but if you got used to it from very early age, you might unconsciously be comfortable with it and step into your used roles. Not by your conscious choice but like, if you "wouldn't control it". So scapegoats, if they don't work on their habitual behaviour would seek to be abused or to abuse, depends on the degree they got pushed that dynamics on them in their early age. It's very hard to unlearn it: to understand that you have same worth and power as anyone else and also! anyone else have same worth and power as humans, just same worth and power as your-self, yes, just because they are here, living their lives same as you do. Same amount lovable and respectable. It doesn't mean that people are same in everyway, one knows one thing better, the other does another thing more great, some become criminals, some isolate them-selves, we vary, but fundamentally we don't. This distorted hierarchy in dysfunctional families make kids to believe that some people are better fundamentally than others and the only way to become better is to grow up and make other to believe they are worse fundamentally too (just a copied behaviour of their dysfunctional parents).. And so this creepy chain continues. So.... I really like Sweden and all but let's break the chain, shell we?
Uhm, one more thing to mention is why black sheep and scapegoat are the product of the same abuse, and both roles are put onto the same person/kid.
So first of all you need to become an easy target, you need to look and behave in a way, everyone would say, you don't have usual neurotypical behavior, but rather extraordinary, exotic, special, different. Yes, and when you already became a visible, clear target for alienation, you just will be an outcast, the communal sacrifice to carry away sins of the community, ostracized and then either won't survive or find some piece only among similar ostracized folks. That's, what holds this cycle of being: a target & an outcast, and it hardly ends this cycle .. but it can be broken down gradually, step by step, carefully but without stopping. After all, we all know, no matter how exclusive or excluded a particular group of people may be, the same cruel processes occur in it those groups too. Shortly put - let us not be left rolling the same old songs as some broken record players.
And yeah, I guess, it's best not to worry too much since everyone has at least something that makes them extraordinary, science says it can't be possible for 2 identical people to be born before, now or ever, we just all are extraordinary :D each of us, maybe it's boring but the truth, stay special :D !! And don't go disguised as a black sheep to the Stockholm (syndrome). They gonna simply crucify you there (Legend of Jesus is a perfect example of black sheep/scapegoat dynamics).
(Stockholm syndrome has never been included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders or DSM)
And here is for ears: Muse - Stockholm Syndrome 🎶🎶🎶
This is my blog about self-knowledge, self-work, emotional healing, growth, psychology, philosophy in general and other related themes.