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  • Blog
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Path of Self Discovery

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Scapegoat Goes to the Cinema 1

25/12/2021

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Hello all the different ones :) How are you doing these days just before 2022 New Year hitting our doorsteps? 
Another piece and another topic: GASLIGHTING. 
Definition by Wikipedia: 
Gaslighting is a colloquialism, loosely defined as making someone question their own reality. 
By Wiktionary:
To gaslight - to mislead someone such that they doubt their own memory, perceptions, or sanity.
Synonym: head-game
Another description by verywellmind:

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that occurs in abusive relationships. It is an insidious and sometimes covert type of emotional abuse where the bully or abuser makes the target question their judgments and reality. Ultimately, the victim of gaslighting starts to wonder if they are losing their sanity

So shortly it's some sort a tactics that is going on long term to make someone to question their own reality and sanity to become easy target for wanted manipulation. Why it is put together with scapegoat/black-sheep mindset? Easy: it's because these kids had to believe they are less just because no reason, really... They are less than others, they must know that the only way to gain some personal power is to make other to believe they are less just because no reason. Deluted self worth, self empowerment, self love, self respect. You can't just simply be, who you really are and be ok with that, being valued, empowered, loved and respected for you you simply are. Person that you really are can't be worth, loved, respected and have personal human power, it can't be so and there is no any particular reasons for it, so you can't really do anything as well... You are doomed, cursed and you will remain like this until you die, serving, obeying, following and worshipping others or to become a tyrant, villain, authoritarian, dictator. That are only two options for scapegoat/black-sheep in the family and kids after growing up repeat these paths through all their life and pass them onto their own children. It is rarely done to anyone in extreme 100% ways but it can be done about their abilities to succeed in school, succeed in sports, or about their sexuality, their social gender roles, gender identities, race, political views, ability to be financially successful, being practical, being creative and other ways. Lot of times it's done because parents and other people, who help raising children don't know, why a child is different: dyslexic, dysphoric, lefthanded, you name it, it might be because the social environment they are in, like it was Soviets, homosexuality was a crime, lesbian, transgenders and other LGBT people simply didn't "exist".. Lefthanded were burned in middle ages, dyslexic people aren't understood often too, so on. Very often this abuse children get is simply because political and social place their parents live in and have to follow. And that is the point, where healthy individualism might end... simply because every piece of something bigger might change that bigger picture, parents need support just as they need good confrontation about their parenthood to remain being balanced and able to withstand sickness of our society in general, not passing it to their children. It's a job of the titans and parents really need good support while doing it. It's not about parenting and family being an untouchable taboo and it's not about setting every mistake of the parents to be crucial and take away their children by some third party - both ways are damaging future of humanity... parents mostly always are best people to raise their children but it can be left without any questioning, no questioning strategy creates cult culture and nothing else.
As an example of how people can fall into a rabbit holes of false believe system:
  1. One thing goes to societal pressure and you refuse to hold very important discoveries that are simply smashed by a mob because it destroys "piece": did you know that S.Freud knew about trauma and that his hysterical patients become that because of abuse happened to them within their families and he tried to go on with it,  but then he refused it later on and created that all unconscious bonding with moms theory, which is somewhat freaky to say at least. Guess, C.Jung went on the similar way but to blame father figure more of... Those were the pioneers but one thing is sure, sir S.Freud did that crazy turn because of the pressure from society and fear of losing his name and career and that is, what cult alike cultures can do... You can read more about it in Judith L. Herman's book "Trauma and recovery" (pages 8-13), and I am sure, there are many other sources for it.
  2. Another thing is to follow the mob with most popular and widely spread believes that are held as revolutionary and, if you want to be cool and ok, you simply follow it and hurt yourself and your close ones in the process: in the boom of feminism and therapy combination there was very popular process of people going to a childhood trauma recovery. This method involves remembering emotional experiences and these sometimes are mostly just emotional flashbacks, not a flashbacks of actual, real events. One of that kind a fashion victim was one women, radical feminist, journalist. She had her marriage fallen apart, had several unsuccessful relationships, was investigating several sexual child abuse so on... So she went to therapy and was led by her therapist to belief that it can be something with her own self, something deeper than simply very difficult, cold, disconnected bond with her father... So in this process she "remembered" sexual abuse happened with her father in her childhood, later on she realised it didn't happen. Shortly put... be careful of what you believe, if!!! you can, because we all function this way... rather being effective than accurate :) You can read more in Mark Manson's book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" (pages 59-62)
And anyway, who could really blame either S.Freud or Meredite Maran, if you could step into their shoes.
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The term GASLIGHTING is derived from the 1944 film Gaslight, which is a story about a husband who uses trickery to convince his wife that she is mentally unwell in order to steal from her.
Have a nice evening with your home cinema stuff and stay safe, not only physically. :) 

Not to forget: Gaslighting is not necessarily malicious or intentional, although in some cases it is.
Also worth mentioning: while person's believe system changes into a more realistic and accurate one it might seem just as gaslighting too, at least at the start, be aware not to attack someone, who is making a titan's work for your own good. 
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    ​Author - Laurynas Sadzevicius

    This is my blog about self-knowledge, self-work, emotional healing, growth, psychology, philosophy in general and other related themes.

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