The sense of healing is either in resisting and/or exciting ways to afford to find the most comfortable decisions in your life. I write about the healing process in general and in detail in many other texts. But if we talk about the picked topic, sense of a healing - finding the most convenient solutions for life, it may seem strange, when I say this while being transgender. How convenient it can be to accept an understanding that you - trans? From a short-term perspective, it is absolutely inconvenient: you lose your usual identity, and must resist older deep-rooted beliefs and self-protection mechanisms additionally some phenomenon is brought to the surface - some kind of interpersonal war in medicine called "dysphoria"; also it is completely inconvenient caused by understanding, how you were traumatized simply because of ignorance and violence of the surroundings. This is a painful experience and it's really not convenient. Often while being transgender, we hear from people: is it not easier just to be lesbian/gay? And well, it is just as easier as not brushing your teeth daily: saves time and money, and energy. Easier. So, where is that comfort I mention, if you accept yourself? It's in the long run:
You choose to be who you are the most. Just as it is convenient to be an artist if you have a stronger innate/acquired creative ability. Even, if at the same time you have a tendency to, say, solve logical jigsaw puzzles when you find them appealing to you. The point is, that creativity in your work is determining more than half of your tasks: you are looking for new solutions, quite quickly finding them, then you trace that the issue was already found by other people, you analyze their solutions and their underlying concepts and you can vary and look for alternatives even here. Also, you can not sit still though even a week without playing, sculpturing, drawing, dancing, and so on. And you like logic puzzles as well but only, when they are made in certain specificity, you can safely leave them unresolved for a longer period, can pick up another jigsaw puzzle, while left not finished first one, in one word: you are not so much concerned about it, and it requires greater effort and longer time, certain mood and work conditions to become productive. So ... Of course, it can happen, that you will take a logic-demanding job, but it does not mean that creativity features will turn weaker than the ability for logical judgment. In the long run, you may regret missed opportunities to work with your strongest feature. Reasons to refuse to reveal our strongest sides can be different: it might have been more convenient to pick up a logical job simply by chance or due to the fear that you will have to reveal your real strength, so you choose an option, which had less capacity and so on. Eventually, after all, you will have disappointment that feels like partial fulfillment.
So why is not easier and more convenient to be lesbian/gay, but to recognize that you are transgender and continue to go this way? Because ... in the long run you will be disappointed with your-own life on this issue, consciously or subconsciously. It may be that you will be effectively accepted by others, you will have intense sex life and relationships, you will have an excellent romantic partner or you will be accepted publicly, climbing up your career ladder, but you would feel frustrated and know that something is wrong ... Maybe this will occur as so-called depression, maybe as some other psychological/physical illness or addictions, or disabilities to be able to achieve your desired career, maybe loneliness, perhaps poverty - endless set of options. People who can not unbutton their too-tight jackets and get rid of them, often involuntarily take more and more stringent forms of self-repression, so that the far too-small jacket would still seem as fit. And it seems, why would it be necessary for someone to torture themselves so much? In my eyes, several obstacles affect a person's inability to reach the turn/shift in their minds. (Will be continuing in the next text.)
This is my blog about self-knowledge, self-work, emotional healing, growth, psychology, philosophy in general and other related themes.