If you find yourself being on top of everything and everyone you meet most of the time, you must be a top dog, the leader of a food chain so on. Person, who was a cool kid in the class and similar. You achieve a lot and still go towards a lot, you set your clear goals and actually hit them one by one. You know, you’re liked, you give a good impression, it’s easy to conversate with others and you’re just that “easygoing” girl/guy. You also must be familiar with how much emptiness and nothingness there can be within yourself and those around you and in everything in general… how nothing makes sense and is seemingly useless… You achieve goals, one after another but it’s just… useless… Most of the burden apart from this nothingness surrounding you is also constant attempts to hold your image, to maintain this facade, and no one can look through it. Cool and awesome - outside, alone and empty – inside, caring and nice – outside, useless and dark – inside. It’s so hard, especially, when everyone is sure, you’re just fine or even some are convinced you're bad at being such a leader and mostly for simply not giving up your stuff and yourself to others, although you might be doing it as well… just not as loud, more privately. It’s a struggle and not many or even none of the others seemingly get it. You like to fight and freeze (pretend dead)
This is my blog about self-knowledge, self-work, emotional healing, growth, psychology, philosophy in general and other related themes.