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The Scarecrow or Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style

11/12/2021

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Third in a row:
Anxious preoccupied attachment style (acronym - AA):
Scarecrow character, is someone loose with no strong boundaries, a bit brainless... Hm, a bit worried, but always worried about something :D
I know this guy really well, since my own attachment style was exactly that :D, well, before starting to work on my attachments, now it's a bit different (although, you never know until practicing it). 
  • Behaviour and navigation in life are based on emotions. Can have a high IQ but will use EQ much more often anyway.
  • Worst nightmare for these guys is being abandoned since childhood which was very often their reality and they are traumatized by the pathological abandonment of their caregivers. For a child being alone and without care pretty much is a dead end... the same as being dangerously and constantly hurt (as it was for dismissive avoidants), the child doesn't have the skills and habits yet to be able to fully take care of him/her-self. 
  • AAs run after people, who abandon them... Pretty silly, when you are an adult and there are so many options for connection around but it wasn't so, when they were a child, so they just repeat, what they learned: someone close abandons them and they try to gain them back no matter what. They can almost literally swim across the ocean and climb mountains for someone they love. Clingy.
  • Believes in the ONE, bonds for a long time even, if it's one-sided love.
  • AAs are those people, who are magicians in creating an emotional atmosphere that is simply incredible... You don't even understand, what it is, but you certainly can feel it, sense it, and it becomes part of yourself.
uhm.... ok and:
  • Usually artistic, good in languages, verbal or written.
  • Very good communicators and wonderful manipulators of the emotional part of any negotiation. Can use even unpleasant emotions to gain and pursue the very best interests of anyone involved in a process or activity. Don't mind seeing a bad guy, although can be devalued and even seriously injured because of that.
  • Anything seriously magical and wonderful you got into paintings, photography, books, games, films, theatre, where you sensed that you appeared in completely another world might be created by AAs, they need to constantly be sure you are having all possible comfort and won't in any way leave that (and themselves too).
  • They might forget they can think. Lack of emotional and physical closeness in childhood from others created a deficit AAs still try to fill with anyone else while adult. They might be really logical but in the tiniest threat of you leaving, their logic might not exist in a blink.
  • Takes a lot of risks and often makes short-tempered decisions. Can lash out and/or burn out, can try to make a partner jealous to keep them around (which most often never works), can destroy/re-create self-identity - go crazy.
In the land of Oz, the anxious preoccupied character is a Scarecrow, he doesn't have a brain and can be led through his life only by his heart. He is spineless just as brainless, light-headed, carless, very merry person :D hipster, trendy, with a taste, needs continuous approval and really good company... very easy to get along, very easy to forget too... just like a bunch of straws in a shirt, very often people even see these people as completely insane and evil and that they are awful in communication, not polite and not tactical. Remind me of a peaceful black giant John Coffey in the "Green Mile" film... Because, whatever AAs do they simply don't use their brain, they use the magic of the heart... and so often are seen as evil-doers by those, who use only the brain or mostly the brain. And the most tragic part here is, I guess, that these sorts of opposite types tend to bond with one another but the text about that will come later on.
BTW Stephen King wrote "The Green Mile" based on a real event... a chilling, horrifying event, don't push the link, if you can't handle the cruelty of people - the story is here.
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I also humorously use an acronym for this style - AA (anxiously attached) in comparison to another group or community of people, who have the same acronym AA... Anxious Attachment style feels like some addiction to run after your "drug" when she/he withdraws, ghosts you, or just disappears entirely with or without warning... And you become activated then and run after to fight her/him back from real or not real "enemies". I will be writing more on this soon, it's called the anxious-avoidant trap.
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Magic🪄
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    ​Author - Laurynas Sadzevicius

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