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About staying together longer and why love languages are just like a bank account

25/11/2021

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In this entry I want to show you one quote about best trick to stay with someone long term and not change them into another one and another one and another one.. Here it is:
"To love someone long-term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be.
The people they're too exhausted to be any longer. The people they grew out of, the people they never ended up growing into. We so badly want the people we love to get their spark back when it burns out, to become speedily found when they are lost. But it is not our job to hold anyone accountable to the people they used to be. It is our job to travel with them between each version and to honour what emerges along the way. Sometimes it will be an even more luminescent flame. Sometimes it will be a flicker that temporarily floods the room with a perfect and necessary darkness." by Heidi Priebe 
Or as Esther Perel says: 
"Most people are going to have two or three marriages or committed relationships in their adult life. Some of us will have them with the same person." (I highly recommend to check some of Esther Perel works, she's super insightful about relationships and keeping desire in alive.)
Let’s hope, there are many, who can stay around and change with us… During all those times, when we surprise and bore each-other, when we enjoy or challenge one another.
​

That were few thoughts and sentences on the topic about how long relationship could last.


​________________________________________________________________________________________
Why I want to talk about love languages?? It’s because I like languages and learn to speak them and I love how it is similar to financies or even food, look at that:
Push the picture for cool song
Push the image for another crazy song :D

​Isn’t this meme just wonderful…? How it teaches you to value and enjoy each others way around tacos :) So, dear friends, eat tacos, always be delicious and most importantly know, what she or he likes about tacos as well.. And then.. :) please, not only identify and accept your friend's language but also learn it, speak it and then the emotional bank of your lover will never ever be emptied.
Relationship are like bank accounts… We have some deposit, when we are doing something nice and ok for each-other and then, if there is anger, conflicts and similar, we have a withdrawal. It is said "In healthy relationships there are 5 deposits for every 1 withdrawal. [...]
Let’s say you were fluent in Italian and your partner is fluent in French. You would be perfectly communicating, but your partner does not understand you. Love languages are the same way. You must learn to speak your partner’s language in order for him or her to feel cared for. This means that you do what ever it is that makes them feel loved. This will make a deposit in your partner’s emotional bank account. If your love language is Physical Touch and your partner’s is Acts of Service, then snuggling with your partner will not make him or her feel cared for, even though you are showing love (according to you)."

In other words: "If you want your partner to feel loved, there is absolutely no substitute for learning and speaking their love language.  Otherwise we leave our partner – and ourselves – in a very vulnerable place.  But when we identify their love language, we can fill their emotional bank account on purpose and enjoy better warmth and connection in our relationship – with simple, focused effort." ​

Another illustration of love languages ​​in the form of a pie:

Picture

And that were few thoughts and sentences on the topic about how good relationship could be.
​

Thanks for reading.
​

You can find original quiz, how to know your main love language here 
​The love language quiz 💗

Also for the happy ending: one important and interesting video on consent as a bike ride (click on the bike)
Consent as a bike ride 🚴

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    ​Author - Laurynas Sadzevicius

    This is my blog about self-knowledge, self-work, emotional healing, growth, psychology, philosophy in general and other related themes.

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